Between the time of Jason and the Argonauts and the rise of the Lord of the Rings, there was an age undreamed of. And unto this, Conan, destined to wear the jeweled crown of history's dumbest protagonist upon a troubled brow. It is I, his chronicler, who alone can tell thee of his saga. Let me tell you of the days of high cinema!
1/🧵
First, a little backstory that you all should read - seriously, this thread is going to take a while for me to finish, and you'll want this context as we go along.
tl:dr - this movie isn't half as insane as it could have been
The character has been portrayed a number of times in live-action media over the last ~60 years, with actors ranging from the Silent Generation to Millennials
Let's see how they stack up
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I will not be including animated portrayals
The point is to evaluate the entirety of the performance by one man, and if physicality is a metric, giving someone like Kevin Conroy a spot on this list says more about the animator in that regard
(consider this an honorable mention)
Silent Generation
Adam West - b.1928
The Silent Generation
A gap generation born during the Depression (when birth rates were low, making this a small group)
Too young for WW2, too old for Vietnam, and generally overlooked and unremarkable
The character has been portrayed a number of times in live-action media over the last ~60 years, with actors ranging from the Silent Generation to Millennials
Let's see how they stack up
🧵
I will not be including animated portrayals
The point is to evaluate the entirety of the performance by one man, and if physicality is a metric, giving someone like Kevin Conroy a spot on this list says more about the animator in that regard
(consider this an honorable mention)
Silent Generation
Adam West - b.1928
The Silent Generation
A gap generation born during the Depression (when birth rates were low, making this a small group)
Too young for WW2, too old for Vietnam, and generally overlooked and unremarkable
Well-regulated actually means I should have the right as a civilian to own an A-10 Warthog, Jeffrey, but you're not intellectually prepared for that conversation
Me imagining a civilian militia comprised of a crowdfunded carrier group and full armored division, and how low my taxes would be from a government terrified of pissing it off...