Thread by @PulpLibrarian

If you use news websites then you will already be familiar with the 12 step process for reading a news article online. If not, I've summarised them below.

Please follow all steps carefully and don't skip any...

Step 1: accept cookies.

Step 2: close the window thanking you for accepting cookies.

Step 3: wait for text and images to load as if it was 1998 and you were on dial-up.

Step 4: close pop-up videos that you never wanted in the first place.

Step 5: close news notification pop-ups, as your phone already pings nineteen times a minute due to Twitter notifications.

Step 6: close requests to install apps as you have no memory left on your phone after your last WhatsApp update installed itself.

Step 7: close window notifying you that you are reading the article for free. You didn't come here for a guilt trip.

Step 8: close window requesting you to register to read more articles. You haven't the mental stamina to remember any more passwords.

Step 9: close window opened by accidentally clicking on sponsored content when closing other windows.

Step 10: close breaking news pop-up, as three other pre-installed apps you can't delete have already told you the same thing.

Step 11: carefully scroll through other sponsored content links that have pushed paragraph two of the news story halfway down the page (take care to avoid step 9 again).

Step 12: when you've finished reading delete all browser cookies, meaning you have to go through all these steps again when you read another article.

News costs, and pop-ups are the price you pay for information.

You're up to date...