Yesterday I remembered that when I was around 6-7 years old, I learned how to make origami foxes in my art class at school.
Then, when I got home, I cut up a bunch of pieces of paper into squares, and then proceeded to make what ended up as over 200 foxes in just a few days.
They were all different sizes, but a substantial portion of them were smaller than a thumbtack.
I was meticulous, and the repetition of folding in the same pattern constantly didn’t bore me, it made me excited and happy.
I was so proud of how many there were.
That weekend, I scooped all of the foxes up and put them in a giant ziplock bag, then took them to church so I could give some away to people.
The congregants were astonished at my “patience” and “attention to detail.”
Looking back, this is such a classic autistic story.
Repetitive actions are a core part of autism, but they’re so often misunderstood.
People think they need to stop us from doing things like spending hours upon hours making minuscule origami foxes.
But stopping something just because it’s “not normal” is not a good reason.
When Abby was in middle school, she drew what probably ended up being ~1,000 drawings of My Little Pony OCs, all lined up on the papers.
They all looked the same, except for the coloring and other details.
Her reason for doing that was the same as my reason for folding foxes.
Many modern behavioral therapists would classify our actions as “inappropriate play,” stating that we should be using more “imagination” and introducing more “variety” into our activities.
But who are they to decide what “play” means? Shouldn’t the focus be on having fun?
Recently I’ve been watching MARINA’s music video for her song Purge The Poison ().
It’ll get to the end and I’ll just press the replay button. These kinds of repetitive actions are baked into my existence.
And I enjoy it. Repetition is fun.
Are these actions “productive” in any typical sense?
No.
But do they make me happy?
Yes.
That’s all that matters. Not everything a person does needs to (or should) serve some greater economic or social purpose. Humans are supposed to enjoy life.
The things that autistic people enjoy doing might seem strange, or obsessive, or abnormal to people who don’t experience the same drive towards repetition.
But that’s fine. You don’t have to understand something in order to accept that it makes someone else happy.
So the next time you see an autistic person spinning a plate, or making a braid from three pieces of string until it’s 6 feet long (something I also did in my childhood), etc. just let them do what they’re doing.
You can even join in, to see what it’s all about.
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Next For Autism and their partner organization, the Center For Autism and the Developing Brain (CFADB), are currently engaged in a gaslighting campaign against the autistic community.
Both organizations have changed & erased things from their websites, without acknowledging it.
First, NEXT added “Statement of Purpose” and “FAQ” tabs to their About section.
I was surprised to see that they didn’t have an FAQ section at all before they faced backlash for their association with CFADB and promotion of ABA therapy.
In the FAQ section (created as a PR front to deflect backlash, but never named as such) they say “[NEXT] provides no funding or support for research into the cause or cure of autism.”
At the time they wrote that, CFADB still had “causes, treatment, and prevention” on their site.
You’ll have to scroll down for a bit but you’ll find it soon enough. It’s not very far down. You can also do ctrl+F and type “Suzanne” if that’s easier.
But in case you don’t want to go through the Wayback Machine, I took screenshots for everyone :)
I’m up thinking about #ColorTheSpectrum (the media event with non-autistic celebrities, scheduled for April 30th, to raise money for an organization called Next For Autism that’s funding research to “prevent” autism).
And I keep wondering why so many people think this is okay.
Not a single member of NFA’s team is autistic. Not one of them.
And the CEO, Gillian Leek, also founded The Center for Autism and The Developing Brain.
Donations to NFA will go to that center. So what’s in the mission statement?
Ah, I see. Eugenics.
The most heartbreaking thing about this is that none of the celebrities participating in #ColorTheSpectrum are autistic, and none of the people who run NFA are autistic either.
How much longer do we have to scream, “Nothing about us without us!!” before people listen?
In one of my classes yesterday, we were talking about Sufi people who spin and chant repetitively as a form of worship & spiritual practice.
It made me think about how repetitive movement & vocalization is present in every religion I can think of (Praying the rosary, etc.)
In those contexts, repetitive movements like spinning in circles, rocking back and forth, touching & moving beads, etc. are not only socially acceptable- they’re praised as signifiers of devoted worship.
Chanting is the same. Repeating a word, phrase, or script over and over.
To me as an autistic person, all of this is familiar.
Stimming and echolalia are the words used to describe the same actions listed above, when done by autistic people.
Our repetitive actions are rarely praised. Often, we are punished or forced to stop instead.
I’ve been feeling emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed lately, and a lot of the reason for that is the fact that I’m managing this account.
The bigger it gets, the more people read my posts, and the more people comment or DM with their unsolicited opinions on my life & work.
I’m someone who takes other people’s opinions seriously, and it can be really hard for me to know when to mentally walk away from comments that assume negative things about me.
Because what if there’s a grain of truth in what they’re saying? What if I need to change?
I am constantly self-reflecting, and constantly striving to do better.
There’s so much about my life that people who don’t know me personally have no idea about.
But I’m a highly sensitive autistic person. It’s hard to stop things from getting under my skin.