Thread by @theonlywayisup

So, a thread about #CarrieAntoinette and that wallpaper.

Princess Nut Nuts, fed up of living in the tatty filth left by the previous two occupants, and unwilling to suffer the indignity of John Lewis furniture, decides to give her fiancé’s gaff a makeover.

Now, Carrie has a loose grasp on what belongs to her, as the Conservative party found out when she put in her expense claims, which is why she got the boot - oh, and she was also useless, but you knew that already. According to her friends, she has ‘exquisite taste’. I doubt that

I doubt it on the basis of the fact that she shares her life with a man who looks like he covered himself with glue then ran naked through an Oxfam shop. In any case, Carrie decides she cannot carry on living in this filth, and she needs to cover the walls with gold.

This doesn’t come cheap, but Boris is too busy doing a shit job of running the country, so he lets her do whatever the fuck she wants. And what she wants is so much bling it would make Trump hesitate. When it is pointed out to him that the taxpayers will only stump up £30K ....

... he shits himself. He can’t afford this - his £150K annual salary barely covers the maintenance for his *insert estimate here* children and his crusted port. So he comes up with a plan so mendacious that Dominic Cummings refuses to have anything to do with it.

Now, this is a shock, because I didn’t realise that was possible, unless it was actual genocide or the harvesting of baby organs. But it is indeed the case, and when Cummings refused to find donors to pay for Carrie’s follies, Boris was rather fucked.

Plan B, to establish a charitable trust to pay for it, went tits up when grown-ups explained to Boris that it would be a) impossible and b) illegal, to do so.
However, he persisted with this for quite a while until eventually the penny dropped that it wasn’t going to happen

In the meantime, Princess Nut Nuts is still merrily replacing the doorknobs with Faberge eggs or whatever one needs to do to spend north of £200K on a flat which is already in perfectly good nick. So when the bills come in, a wealthy Tory bigwig pays.

However, when it becomes evident that Boris never had any intention of paying and he’d wanted Dommo to find him some chaps to pay for it, and that they had tried and failed to create what can only be described as a bogus charity, Boris is told that it must appear that he paid it

So now we have an embattled Boris, with a £57K shaped hole in his bank account, and a forthcoming appearance by Dom at the select committee to look forward to. He will tell them what they want to know. They, in turn, can call the PM, and he can’t bluster his way through that.

So the next month will be interesting; if the Tories want to be rid of Boris, this is the time to do it, when they can bury the fucking shambles of Brexit and the catastrophe of the Pandemic, under a “Well, it’s very sad, but he had to go”

The only question remains “Who inherits?”
My guess is it won’t be Gove because the public hate him. And they hate his wife even more. I think it will come down to whatever dirt Dommo decides to ditch, as he knows where all the bodies are buried and who buried them

Once again, the short-sighted Barnard Castle Botherer is the kingmaker. Watching this all unfold is going to fill the gap which remains after Line of Duty ends.
I can’t wait.
#CarrieAntoinette
#CashForCushions
#MajorSleaze

Part two here

https://twitter.com/theonlywayisup/status/1388526401498779650?s=20