Election Night Survival Guide

Okay, this assumes you have booked the Friday off work. If you haven’t, then do so now.

Sleep

Let’s assume you won’t be doing much of this, so a preemptive nap can be very helpful. Vote early, if you can and aim to be home by 6pm After a light supper, nap between 7pm and 10pm.

Set alarm to wake you at 10pm ready for the exit polls. Watch exit polls. Sleep for another hour, nothing much will be happening except for live footage from Sunderland where they love to be the first to declare.

🧵 - Period Dignity Officer

Never in all my life have I read such rubbish as I have encountered today.
Jason Grant - congratulations by the way, Jason - has been appointed to implement and raise awareness of a great new law in Scotland to provide period products FOC in ... ...public settings. It's a new initiative and I wish him every possible success. It sounds as if he is going to need it, judging by the screaming hysteria and abuse he has received at the hands of the press, those women who speak shit every time you put a microphone in ....

Brexit - a thread 🧵

One of the hardest things in life is to admit that you were wrong. The more adamant you were that a course of action was the right one to take, the harder it is to admit that you went the wrong way. This is how people end up following a SatNav into a river. One of the biggest problems is that there is an inherent streak of Rule Britannia which runs right through the UK, regardless of class, income or party allegiance. Frankly, it's a streak of racism, and we all know it. It's always been there and I truly believe it is diminishing.

🧵This is the question which was posed on YouGov:
“The government has proposed a deal where some people who have entered Britain and applied for asylum will be flown to Rwanda, in Africa, for their asylum applications to be processed. Do you support or oppose this proposal?”.... More people opposed the proposal than supported it, which is good, but the question implies that people would he held in Rwanda while their applications for asylum IN THE UK were being processed.

This is not the case.

If they are taken to Rwanda, they will be told to apply...

I'm trying to figure out what I just heard on the news. The correspondent said that asylum seekers taken to Rwanda would be processed by the Rwandans, and if they passed would be offered a place in Rwanda. So is that the deal? Will their application for asylum here be considered? I may have missed something, so please fill in the blanks for me, if you can?

🧵
On the eve of further revelations about more lockdown breaches by the lardy guff monster, and further fines, the government decides to announce their latest wheeze - to send refugees to Rwanda, in the hope that they won't come back.
So is that news being released now just... ....as a distraction?
Partly, yes. But they will have seen the polling, and it's not good. So this is an all-out attempt to appeal to the former UKIP-voting section of the population responsible for fatty bum-bum being in power. I can imagine the discussions, where they planned..

Around Christmas, the daily number of Covid cases and deaths in the UK was very similar to the daily number in France. Their figures for new cases have stayed very high, whereas ours have declined, although the number of deaths remain very similar. So why is this?
It's because... ........we moved the goalposts, isn't it?
We stopped requiring a follow up PCR test
We had poor availability of LFTs
We stopped testing in schools
We stopped counting repeat infections

Now, if you take the ONS data on the prevalence of Covid in the community, which is ......

Morning all,
Things to look forward to this week:
1. No gas. Yes, that's right, we're running out of gas. Government says there is no immediate cause for concern, which is shorthand for "We're fucked"
2. No carbon dioxide. So not only will your tonic be flatter than .... .... a vampire's ECG, but you'll be lucky to get any prepack fresh meat which relies upon the stuff too.
3. No fresh meat - the good news is, the shortage of CO2 won't be an issue, because of the shortage of staff at meat processing plants.
4. The staff shortage....

Going decimal - a thread.

With Boris throwing an imperial bone to the Metric Martyrs, it’s probably only a matter of time before he decides to go the whole hog (this is not a reference to pig fucking) and brings back pre-decimal currency. So as someone who can remember when... ...we ditched it, let me tell you what it was like.
For those of you too young to remember, we used to have pounds, shillings and pence, with 12 pennies to the shilling and 20 shillings to the pound. We also had guineas, which were a sort of posh, stubborn pound, with .....

Thread:

Vaccines and the Clinically Extremely Vulnerable (CEV)
A new study has highlighted how patients with an impaired immune system may respond to the Covid vaccine, so I thought it was worth another thread for the hard of thinking who have spent the last year with their... ....head up Facebook's arse, getting their internet doctorate in Pretendy Medicine (Hons)

I recently read a post in which the author - a magnificently stupid specimen, I might add - dismissed the CEV with a "Well, they've had their jabs now, so they need to get back to fucking..

Thread:
I have read so much utter tosh online about vaccines, I thought it might be useful to have a very simple guide for those who have been Facebooked into stupidity. Please critique to your heart’s content, but I want to keep this very basic. So, when we are exposed to a specific virus for the first time, our immune system basically says “Oooh, ya fucker!” and sets about making antibodies to destroy the invader, hopefully before the invader, ie the virus, wins. The thing is, this takes a while - the body has no

Previous Chief Execs of the NHS since 1994
Alan Langlands 1994–2000
Nigel Crisp 1 November 2000 – 6 March 2006.
Ian Carruthers 7 March 2006 – September 2006
David Nicholson September 2006 – 31 March 2014
Simon Stevens 1 April 2014 – 31 July 2021 (7.3 years) What do these people all have in common?

They all worked in NHS management or the Department of Health.

Dido Harding?
Used to sell phones.

As a former NHS employee, this is my question:
Are they taking the piss?

British foxes spoke out today in a desperate call for shit actor and clueless Nazi politician Laurence Fox to stop using their name.
“He’s shitting on us from a height” said a spokesman we are calling ‘Dave’, who agreed to talk to us on condition of anonymity
#laurencefox “It’s not easy being a fox at the best of times” said Dave, “But this scruffy fucker is seriously taking the piss now. We have really cleaned up our act, we haven’t bitten any babies in ages, and we’ve even agreed to a voluntary curfew on the hours during which....”

Another thread in the saga of that wallpaper
#CarrieAntoinette
#CashForCushions
#MajorSleaze

So it's been a few days, and things must be settling down now in that hallowed seat of power, 10 Downing Street, yes?

Er - well, not so much Basically, the tactic of waving away all questions with a lofty "This is a farrago of nonsense" has failed more miserably than a Sunderland supporter at the full-time whistle. The claim that the Great British Public was not interested was also cobblers

So, a thread about #CarrieAntoinette and that wallpaper.

Princess Nut Nuts, fed up of living in the tatty filth left by the previous two occupants, and unwilling to suffer the indignity of John Lewis furniture, decides to give her fiancé’s gaff a makeover. Now, Carrie has a loose grasp on what belongs to her, as the Conservative party found out when she put in her expense claims, which is why she got the boot - oh, and she was also useless, but you knew that already. According to her friends, she has ‘exquisite taste’. I doubt that

Re: The Downing St refurbishments.

Okay, don't @ me for this, but I have questions:
Downing St doesn't belong to the incumbent, so shouldn't any necessary maintenance and refurbishment be the responsibility of the government? In which case, what was actually done to No 10, and.. ...why is Johnson paying for it? If it wasn't necessary work to preserve the fabric of the building or make it habitable, but as a result of him fancying a change, then he should rightly be footing the bill. However, why would someone fork out all that money on a place which.....

Let’s put this in simple terms:
1. At least one of the couple was well enough to drive.
2. They do not fall into an at-risk group
3. In their age group, there is no reason to suppose either of them would become too incapacitated by COVID to be able to care for a child
..continues 4. Even if that happened, there was no reason to suppose that they would BOTH become too incapacitated by COVID to be able to care for a child
5. Even if there was, there was no justification WHATSOEVER for them to travel and risk infecting others
..continues..

Once upon a time there existed a certain ‘code of conduct’ amongst MPs, whereby however fiercely opposed they were politically, they did not stoop to personal abuse, especially not in the chamber. Members would cheerfully mix together in the bars and tearooms, often great friends So it is particularly disturbing to see people using PMQs, of all things, to name-call as a particularly vile Tory did this week. Especially as an image of the person she targeted was being used as an ACTUAL target by the British army. Are their memories really so short?

A story.

Once upon a time the Government decided to ask the people a question: Cake or Pie?

“What?”, the people replied.

“Do you want cake, which we have had for many years, or do you want to change to pie? If you change, you can never have cake again”

“What kind of pie?” “The kind of pie is still to be determined” said the Pie people “But it will be a good pie, and with the money we save we can buy some nurses and some of those machine-thingies to keep people alive”

The people were divided. Half of them wanted cake; they liked cake. A lot.