...which typically means you drop down to the bottom of the waitlist, which means waiting several months for an appointment (this was pre-pandemic mind you and I don't imagine the wait time has gotten shorter).
[abuse]
So I left a message, literally begging them to make an exception. I explained that in 2019 I had moved out of region to escape an abusive living situation, and that for the first year I could not afford to rent a car to drive 240km for a non-urgent appointment.
[abuse]
I explained that I was terrified that if left unaddressed for the better part of a year, my symptoms may worsen to the point that I lose the ability to work and to support myself, and that I may thus have to move back into that same abusive living situation.
(Note: I'm more than okay right now, I think the prospect of that happening is slim, but it is nonetheless a possibility, and it's never far from my mind when I experience a flare.)
The response I got this morning was, "I know that life sometimes gets in the way of everything but unfortunately I can't bend the rules and it's Ministry of Health policy that if we haven't seen a patient in more than one year, we must require a referral."
This is a rule that systematically restricts access to care for marginalized patients.
As far as I'm concerned, if you've sworn an oath to do no harm, and you are not willing to break or actively protest a rule like this, you are breaking your oath.
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What the exact fuck goes through someone’s head as they make the decision to keep reaching for a cowering dog as that dog’s human says FIVE FUCKING TIMES “stop doing that, she’s scared of you.”
/rhetorical
Like is this really a situation where you feel comfortable fucking around and finding out?
I want everyone to be very, very clear that what is being described here is a blanket and systematic discrimination against disabled people in Canada receiving *any non-emergent healthcare.*
This is why it actively hurts me to see people claim that it is easier to access care here.
I. Have. No. Ongoing. Healthcare.
None.
I am alive right now because I have a background in pathobiology and design which afforded me the expertise to read and analyze clinical literature, and the confidence to realize that if the healthcare system was content to let me die, I needed to find a way to save my own life.
I feel like most people assume that my hatred of medicine comes from my experiences as a patient.
But nah, most of it actually comes from the years I spent inside that culture.
Like just on the basis of my experiences as a patient I’ve obviously got a good, solid baseline level of rage.
But it’s knowing how doctors talk about their patients to other “insiders,” how medical students are trained to think about their patients, and what qualities are selected for by the systems that train them that keep me from thinking the clinic is redeemable.
They asked if there was anything else I thought they should know about 😃
The cool thing about receiving absolutely no goddamn healthcare is that I no longer give a flying fuck what they think of me as a patient because what exactly are they gonna do, give me less than zero care somehow??
It resembles Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness, which is a common and well-known phenomenon, in that it's highly localized, and involves aching and loss of muscle strength in a particular muscle group, about 24-48 hours after exercising that muscle group.
What I've never been sure about is whether the magnitude of what I experience is "normal."
Because all resources on DOMS are just like "hurting's normal but if it hurts too much you're working too hard and it shouldn't like...immobilize you or anything."
For #TransDayOfVisibility, I want to talk a little about medical transitioning with medical trauma.
I've got medical PTSD from a whole slew of stuff, ranging from medical assault to literally 3 decades of gaslighting me about my embodied reality...
...so for a long time, I didn't even consider medical transition because I didn't feel comfortable allowing medical professionals to get their grimy little violent hands anywhere near my gender.
But over the past year, as my mental health has healed slightly, and I've watched trans friends and acquaintances begin their medical transitions, it was something I became more interested in.
So at the start of January, I called the local gender clinic to make an appointment.