Thread by @sofondabooks

*wanders in with a large Slurpee*

Hey it’s me! I’m back. What did I miss?

(Grab a drink, and a snack, because this is going to be a long-ass thread)

Truthfully, the week-long break I took from fandom twitter was good.

It allowed me to reflect and think and made me realize, that fuck, I totally need a new hobby besides Reylo fanfic.The plan was, go quietly, let things lie and leave fandom Twitter for good, but I got to thinking....

Why am I letting total strangers marginalize me & judge me for a careless error I made in a private group? I have apologized publicly to that group’s members. I stepped down as Admin. I did more than I needed to, for the sake of the group.

However, the comments got so bad that I had to leave a group that I helped build and spent countless hours creating content for, engaging with other Reylos, doing admin work for 3 years.

Fun fact: anytime when you have high visibility, or are active in fandom, you run the risk of being cancelled. This applies to writers, artists, content creators, gif makers, podcasters, list admins, mods, or really anyone with a social media account and followers.

And it was simply my turn. There are folks waiting for others to slip up so these others can get exposed & publicly taken down. It’s a terrible way to drive people off of social media, to give up on their writing, give up making art or content, and ruin their love of a fandom.

Most people are terrified to post the wrong thing or retweet a controversial thought because of this. No one ever wants to be a target.

When we see each other here on Twitter, there is an assumption that just because we love Reylo, and we are equal participants on the same social media platform, that we have a lot in common and that we're all the same people with the same values.

Namely, that we’re Americans, with the same cultural & socio-economic backgrounds, the same education, and the same frames of knowledge. That’s just not true.

I honestly believe that the generational and cultural gap plays a huge part in our fandom conflicts.

I’m 53, a fact that I’ve never hidden here. I grew up in an era where there is no tagging in literature nor the books we read. Like in the 80s, where there was no means of warning folks about whatever triggers exist in a book.

Back then, there never was such a broad spectrum of diverse voices and viewpoints and the platforms to share these, and the emergence of calls to action about our absolute need for equity, justice and representation that all of us are working for now.

My generation, for the most part (and I’m speaking from a Canadian viewpoint) unfortunately were never exposed to desperately-needed education around the spectrum of sexuality,

and the notion of white supremacy never came up in any social studies or history class that I ever was in nor in the textbooks we were given. I am learning and trying to learn more, every day.

I am so thankful for the young people in my life, who all feel so strongly about sharing their knowledge, and passionately fight acts of racism, marginalization and inequity.

The knowledge, community and the culture that they are building now will benefit my daughter and make the world a better place, and for that, I am immensely grateful. I see it here in Reylo fandom too, so for that, I thank you.

Screenshot person... If you have any shred of honour and integrity, step forward, identify yourself and apologize to the group, just as I have. Apologize for the harm you did to its members, to the Admins and ...

to your own Twitter followers, and the harm you caused to the hundreds and hundreds of people who saw that unfortunate post here, instead of the 50 or so people in the group who saw it before it was caught and taken down. her. And take your post down please.

Apologize to @ofthebadlands1 for the abuse and hate folks heaped on her. And take your post down please. You shared an inflammatory mistake that was made in a private group, and violated a rule that you agreed to when you joined that group.

It allowed people who no longer were in the group and people who have never been in the group to say horrible things about the admins, the membership and its readers, and perpetuate old hurts and negativity.

This was painful for myself and the other Admins— (BTW, 4 of us, including me, are women of colour, whose peoples have all suffered intergenerational abuse and trauma).

When I left, there were roughly 3,200 members. The group is 98% women. Mostly Americans, yes, but the rest is an international audience from literally every single continent in the world.

The great majority of them joined the group to enjoy Reylo fics and stories. It is a space for folks to ship Ben & Rey safely, and for writers to promote and talk about their work, or for readers, share what fics they are reading, or what fics they are looking for.

Whatever problem you have with me or anyone now on their admin team, please do not take it out on its members. What we never ever shared publicly is the lovely words of thanks we have received over the years from individual members and writers for the volunteer work we do there,

and for curating a fandom space where they can speak freely and comfortably about shipping and romance and Reylo, with no kinkshaming or gatekeeping so prevalent in other fandom spaces.

The thing is, even if a new group were to take its place, that new group would need years of content to gather just to catch up. Specifically years of fic reviews and comments, Reylo images, original art...

annotated recommendations, fic lists specific to a genre or theme, reader comments and insights, author interviews and Reylo memes and prompts.

Of what benefit is it for anyone to take apart a fandom space of mostly women, with over 3000 people in it? Moreso, a space that they have neither helped build nor volunteered in? A group that they haven’t been in for years, or have never even been in?

People who literally haven't ever been in the group to find out what it is about, and what its members are posting to make their OWN informed decision about whether it should be reported or not?

The calls to report the group to FB, and to tear the group down are, to me, heartbreaking. Because its motivation comes from a curious place of spite and anger, something no one should want to be part of.

Anyhoo, thanks for listening. I really felt the need to post this, to tell my own side and have some sort of closure from yet another wretched Reylo fandom story.

And if what I wrote here is not sitting well with you, please block me and let’s both move on...as clearly, our relationship has run its course. I have found my safe places, some lifelong friends, and joy in this fandom, and that’s enough for me. Peace. 💜

Desiree

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