Thread by @Wizarab10

VIRGINITY IS FOR LOVERS

The above title is a passing off of the slogan of the US State of Virginia which goes - "Virginia is for Lovers." I'm not here tontalk about the tax friendly State but how one should treat a lover whose cherry is yet to pop.

Lets ride

The general rule is that where one party is averse to having sex in the relationship, the other party who is pro sex in a relationship should feel free to walk away. You can't force somebody to be celibate and you can't force them to consent to sex.

The intimacy would burn.

When dealing with virgins, the general rule apply. However, I admonish you to be humane and considerate. Virgins are vulnerable people. It doesn't matter if she is 19 or 29. She is naive, ignorant of the act and consequences, anxious and fear laden.

Her fears are valid.

Dating a virgin can be a complex relationship as much as it can be beautiful. There could be rules in varying proportion as to no kissing or touching to making out but no penetrative sex. Rules are subject to approval of parties.

However, they are harder in practice.

I will focused on a sexual active guy because rules are easier for 2 virgins to keep. Virginity is very easy to get from a woman irrespective of the rules agreed on.

Like with everything in life, there is peak season.

As with everything in life, there is peak season. As the relationship progresses, bonds are shared, hearts are merged, there are emotional ties and happy memories. It would always get to the point - peak, where she is so happy and attached & can't afford to lose her relationship.

At this point, her guards are down, her defence is weak and she is vulnerable. For some guys, this is where they strike. You demand sex and feign unhappiness and become all moody, killing the joy in the space you share and she feels compelled to have sex to make you happy.

While it is manipulative, it is consensual. With sex, sometimes, somebody has to compromise for the other. The alternative would have been to quit but she doesn't have the strength to.

You would say she is an adult but she is sexually vulnerable and you are her lover.

For others, you demand sex with a threat to cheat or sinister demand for open relationship so you have what you want while she keep hers. For some, you threathen to end the relationship if she won't open up.

In plain terms, you break her to have sex.

While you can have excuses of it being consensual, legal, her being an adult and able to make a decision, it is not right.

Sex should be enjoyed not endured. Virgins should be ready not pressured. Only one person gets satisfied with that tactics - YOU.

Like I said earlier, virgins have fears and these fears are valid. Being her lover, you should be more open to discussing sex and having honest conversations. She has a thousand questions. She would hit you with questions that sound stupid to you due to your exposure.

She has valid fears that the thrust would hurt. She has valid fears of pregnancy. She has a benign shame to lose it depending on why she kept it in the first place. She has fears of post sex relationship between you. She would want to consistently ascertain if you love her.

Many of them have delusions of marrying who disvirgined them. You don't have to make insincere promises. Whatever will be will be but you have to assure her of your love and commitment. You have to be there as always after the sex and you have to answer her questions.

You don't use virgins to burst a nut or sow your wild oats. Like every sexual encounter except paid sex, her pleasure matter. This is usually marred by her fears of uncertainty and thus, you have to love her through the process.

There should be lots of foreplay, assurances, non sexual intimacy till her body is ready. Even then, you have to go at her pace and rhythm. You have to find her pleasure spots and trigger them. You have to make love to her in a loving way.

Above all, you have to engage in post sex intimacy. Cuddling and pillow talking. Making her feel.cherished and wanted so you don't kill her spirit. In the coming days and weeks, continue the relationship and intimacy as loving as it has began.

Whatever happens in future would matter less because she had her first with someone she loved and loved her in return.

Prior to that first sex, it is always important to encourage her to wait till she ready. You will know when she is.

There are issues of Lovers who kept to their part and the lady gave the virginity to someone else in matter of days or weeks.

Now that hurts, no mincing words about that. Feel free to break up. But I understand that breaking up does not even suffice for a cold comfort.

I also understand this is why many guys don't have that patience and do not care if you are a virgin or not. There is always another guy waiting to slam dunk as e dey hot while you are being chivalrous.

Well, she will live with the consequences of her decision. Many ladies curse the person they lost their virginity to but I also know that is not your business. Your hurt is personal.

I don't expect you to trust the next virgin. There is no adequate consolation but life happens.

How would you know if she is a virgin?

If you date a virgin, you would know. If you don't know, it is because you don't want to know.

Now to virgins, while keeping virginity till marriage is often the initial intention (in Nigeria), the reality is often different.

Feel free to have sex if you want but please understand that virginity is not a surety for marriage. There are no guarantees. If you must lose your virginity, endeavour to love the person and to be loved and cherished in return so you keep a good memory.

Because nothing is guaranteed, the best you can do for yourself is have your first sex with someone you love and trust.

Don't be eager to pop it. It doesnt make you mature. You are mature with or without it. You are a woman - virginity or not. Do it when you are ready.

In the end, everyone will live with the consequences of their decision. You have only one heart - be true to it. Feel free to discuss, ask questions or share personal experiences.

Peace, Love and Spaghetti 🍷