Thread by @HairyLeggdHarpy

I want to tell you a story about #BeingKind.

When I was a teenager, I went to church. And I fully adopted the 'love everyone, forgive everything, don't judge' ethos.

I started going to a happy, clappy church. And I discovered a member of the congregation, 'Bob' a middle aged gregarious man.

I recognised Bob from a few years back, I'd been in a panto aged 10, Bob had been a lead singer. He'd been friendly and fun to the children. I liked him.

Oddly, the older women in the congregation saw me reacquaint myself with friendly Bob.

Looks were exchanged.
They took me aside. In so many words, they warned me to be careful around him. Bob, it turned out was a convicted paedophile.

At the time, 16 yr old me wasn't impressed.

*With the women*

How unforgiving of them, right?
Talking the talk, but not walking the walk.
Wasn't in line with redemption and second chances, and selfless kindness. I think I rather judged the women as hypocrites. I thought forgiveness and kindness trumped safety or caution.

Or so I thought.
I could do better, be kinder.

Shortly after, I was taking a bus home from town. On the bus sat an old man, a tramp. He was quite old, dirty, toothless, reeking and stank of alcohol. I felt really sorry for him.

So, mindful of my lessons about the dignity of all people, watching other passengers give him a wide berth, and wanting to live out my kindness, 16 year old me sat right next to him and smiled. I wanted to be good, prove to myself that I was kind. I wanted to make him feel happy.

Wasn't I the good teenage Samaritan.

After a few minutes, he turned to 16 year old me. Leaned in. I thought he was going to whisper something.

He stuck out his tongue, grabbed me, and tried to ram it down my throat.

I had been trying to 'be kind'. That's what I thought it took to make me a good person.

I don't want a generation of girls to believe, like I did, that they are expected to put themselves in harm's way to show how 'kind' they can be.

I don't want girls to think that protecting themselves is mean.
Or keeping distance is mean.
Or saying no is mean.
Or having boundaries is mean.

I actually don't want them to prize 'kind' very much at all, where it competes with their boundaries or safety.

Kind isn't the girl or woman who places herself in harm's way to prove to men or boys that she doesn't think they're a risk to her.

Kind is those men and boys acknowledging that actually, yes, many men and boys DO pose a risk to women and girls.

Kind is those men and boys making clear that they would never expect girls to compromise their safety to appease make feelings.

Kind is men and boys explicitly reassuring girls and women that they will never challenge them by testing their safety boundaries.

And any adult that doesn't FULLY support and fortify and defend the need of girls to put their own boundaries and safety ABOVE 'being kind'

has never properly understood what kind really is.

#BeHonest
#BeSafe
#BeFair
#Safeguarding

/end