There were a lot of early moments that made me realize my husband was it, but a big one was when I asked him what he wanted to do for date night and he suggested we walk the dog, get some takeout, “and then the 3 of us snuggle on the couch to a good movie.”
My 25-year-old self would not have understood this. I thought I wanted an extrovert like me who would crave parties and crowds and adventure. It turns out when you find someone who feels like home, that’s all you really need to be complete.
I don’t want to do anything else or be anywhere else as long as he’s here. You can gag over this and I’ll probably agree. I’ve certainly done that over other people’s posts. But whatever. I never thought I could have this life and now that I do and I can’t stop bragging about it.
So here I am, bragging about it for the thousandth time on Twitter. But before you judge us too hard, for reference, this is the dog my husband wanted to snuggle:
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[Thread] About a year before I stopped going to church I was serving as the young men’s president on a small island nation in the Equatorial Pacific. I was struggling deeply at that time. 29 years old, a closeted gay, terribly depressed and unsure what my path could possibly be.
I was working with the youth while living with my then boyfriend. We were obviously not very open about it, but most of the island church members guessed and didn’t care, because they tend to be better about these things than Americans.
I spent hours every week putting together activities and counseling with youth who came from incredibly tragic backgrounds and lived in abusive homes. We brought them into our apartment to tutor them for school and give them a safe place to be and to talk them out of doing drugs.
If you are a gay Mormon follower of my Twitter, please let me vomit some unsolicited advice at you: you truly don’t have to accept that your options in life are a mixed-orientation marriage or perpetual celibacy and loneliness.
You are not required to seek out or listen to people in mixed orientation marriages or anyone who is pitching this to you as a reasonable option. By the way, if you are listening to someone in a mixed orientation marriage and it sounds like they are trying to convince
you they are “making it work” and that it’s “worth it even though it’s hard,” that should tell you all you need to know. If I ever hear my husband describe our marriage in those terms he will be living in the yard by the end of the day.
The Church: your gay child entering a same sex marriage and having children is creating a counterfeit family and you should not let their spouse stay in your home.
Me: what The Church is doing is wrong and it’s causing harm to families.
The Church: WHY CAN’T YOU LEAVE US ALONE.
The Church: your child who left is a “lazy learner” and you should feel sad about how much they suck.
Me: actually I left after spending a lot of effort and experiencing extreme heartache. Please stop poisoning my family about me.
The Church: move on already!
The Church: we are going to spend substantial funds fighting to keep you from getting married.
Me: please stop. I want to be married.
The Church: WHY DON’T YOU RESPECT RELIGIOUS FREEDUMBBBBB.
Stepping away from my religion was and is a much different experience than I would have ever imagined before I actually did it. For years I refused to entertain the thought at all; I was extremely active in the church and believed I always would be.
Things changed relatively slowly for me. It wasn't an overnight rash decision but more of a relentless tearing away that took years. It took a long time because stepping away was not something I wanted. I was terrified that leaving would damn me.
I had allowed myself to become convinced that walking away from it all would mean I was weak and bad, even if I spent the rest of my life trying to be the best person I could possibly be. No amount of love for others and good I did would matter.
On my wedding day I gave my phone to a friend so I wouldn’t have a pocket bulge. She gave it back to me at the end and said “I took photos of people having an authentic time at your wedding.” I thanked her for the thoughtfulness. A few hours later i checked them out. A sampling:
Last year this guy started coming to the gym every day right after I got there. Without fail he would show up within 5 minutes of my arrival. It was like he had a tracker on me. I was annoyed with this because he had this infuriating habit:
Dude would go to the front desk, ask for the TV remote, and then go and change the channel of all 12 TVs in front of the treadmills to Fox News. Every day. And then he wouldn't even watch them. He was just being a Fox News evangelist.
No one ever stopped him because we're all just a bunch of weak ass losers who are more comfortable complaining on Twitter than actually asserting ourselves in person.