Pulp Librarian Profile picture
Jun 3, 2021 13 tweets 7 min read Read on X
If stock photography has taught us one thing it's how to recognise a hacker! But how much do we really know about these shady characters, with their ill-fitting balaclavas and their Windows 7 laptops?

Here's my essential stock photography guide to #cybersecurity...
First things first, hacking has come on leaps and bounds in the last few years. Backing up your sensitive data on C60 cassette and labelling it "Flock of Seagulls Megamix' is no longer enough to keep your information safe!
And hackers are actually very hard to spot. That's because they dress head-to-toe in black (or very very very dark grey) since they live on the Dark Web and want to blend into the background.
What hackers want from you is personal information. No matter how trivial it still has value to them - and they'll go to extrodinarily lengths to get it!
There are many types of hacker. Some are 'crackers': experts at breaking into networks. Their 'tell' is their habit of saying "I'M IN" in a deep voice once they've got past the firewall. Watch out for anyone you don't know using that phrase.
'Keystroke hacking' involves a criminal examine your keyboard in minute detail, often with a magnifying glass, to see which keys have the most pizza grease stains on them. It's only a matter of minutes before they've deduced what your password is.
'Shoulder surfing' is another popular hacker trick to find out your password. The criminal pretends to be examining dandruff on your shoulder, but in reality he's watching you type! Always shield your pin, or wear a blouse with huge shoulder pads to obscure their view.
Sometimes a hacker doesn't even need to be in the same room as you to access your data. He can 'infect' your computer with a virus, from distances of up to 12 feet. Popular viruses include worms, Trojans and spywear. Always wipe your screen with disinfectant to protect yourself.
Ransomwear is also a frequent hacker tactic. Instead of stealing your data they lock your computer and charge you several 'bit coins' to unlock it. Fortunately bitcoin looks like chocolate money, so try paying them with that: it's probably worth more now.
I know, traditionally we used to protect our computers by leaving a padlock on the keyboard, telling the hacker that we're wise to their tricks. However modern cyber criminals can by special 'keys' from the internet to unlock these. Nowadays you have to be more vigilant.
So to be safe online:
- Never share your computer with your family.
- Don't open emails if they look interesting.
- Always forget your password.
- If in doubt for God's sake don't click anything!
Hackers normally celebrate their success by doing the 'Hacker Haka', a traditional dance involving stamping of the feet and partitioning of the C drive. So if you don't want to cause their next celebration you'd best heed my #CyberSecurity hints!
The internet is very complex and can easily trap the unwary. So if you're still worried about 'netting' try mastering teletext first, or typing numbers into a calculator: it's much safer than making a big mistake online.

Stay safe everyone...

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More from @PulpLibrarian

Jun 30
Given the current heatwave, I feel obliged to ask my favourite question: is it time to bring back the leisure suit?

Let's find out... Image
Now we all know what a man's lounge suit is, but if we're honest it can be a bit... stuffy. Formal. Businesslike. Not what you'd wear 'in da club' as the young folks say. Image
So for many years tailors have been experimenting with less formal, but still upmarket gents attire. The sort of garb you could wear for both a high level business meeting AND for listening to the Moody Blues in an espresso bar. Something versatile. Image
Read 16 tweets
Jun 29
Time once again for my occasional series "Women with great hair fleeing gothic houses!"

Let's see what's in the library... Image
The Voice of the House, by Margaret Erskine (an Inspector Finch Gothic Mystery). Ace Gothic, 1973.

She'll fall over if she leans like that. Image
The Three Sisters of No End House, by Mona Farnsworth. Ace Gothic, 1972.

I said she'll fall over if she leans like that! Image
Read 10 tweets
Jun 27
Today in pulp I look back at the publishing phenomenon of gamebooks: novels in which YOU are the hero!

A pencil and dice may be required for this thread... Image
Image
Gamebooks are a simple but addictive concept: you control the narrative. At the end of each section of the story you are offered a choice of outcomes, and based on that you turn to the page indicated to see what happens next. Image
Gamebook plots are in fact complicated decision tree maps: one or more branches end in success, but many more end in failure! It's down to you to decide which path to tread. Image
Read 22 tweets
Jun 18
Time for a pulp countdown now, and today it's my top 10 public relations campaigns! Image
At no 10: prunes! Let's get this party started. Image
At no 9: butter! Don't suffer from a lack of it. Image
Read 12 tweets
Jun 15
You know what I haven't done in a while? Bad book covers!

Let's change that... Image
Ooh you little lyre... Guardian Angels, by Joseph Citro. Zebra Books, 1988. Image
How I answer the door in the mornings... Encounters With Aliens, by George W. Earley. Charter House, 1978. Image
Read 13 tweets
May 11
He was the terror of London; a demonic figure with glowing eyes and fiery breath who could leap ten feet high. The penny dreadfuls of the time wrote up his exploits in lurid terms. But who was he really?

Today I look at one of the earliest pulp legends: Spring-Heeled Jack! Image
London has always attracted ghosts, and in the 19th Century they increasingly left their haunted houses and graveyards and began to wader the capital's streets.

But one apparition caught the Victorian public attention more than most... Image
In October 1837 a 'leaping character' with a look of the Devil began to prey on Londoners. Often he would leap high into the air and land in front of a carriage, causing it to crash. It would then flee with a high-pitched laugh.

The public soon named him "Spring-Heeled Jack." Image
Read 14 tweets

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