Thread by @CultivateSpite

animal transformation fic in #WordOfHonor would be hilarious in every variation. in order to leave window of heaven you have to be transformed into an animal? wen kexing randomly transforms into a tiny kitten uncontrollably? chengling is transformed into a songbird!

Zhou Zishu leaves window of heaven and the magic takes hold as it does for every operative - animals tell no tales. But he invented it and keeps his human mind and ability to speak and sets out to wander the world, truly free of human concerns, exploring feline wine tolerance

Chengling, his suspiciously fluffy "pet" cat who laps wine out of dishes instead of water and absolutely definitely doesn't talk no matter what wen kexing thinks, and absolute hijinks throughout jianghu

okay okay okay i can't stop thinking about this au so - Zhou Zishu, the worlds dirtiest stray cat with an attitude is out making a nuisance of himself: winding between ankles "affectionately" to trip people, basking in the sun and stealing fish off of people's plates...

and the young girl in purple with a fat fish in front of her who just commented that shes bored and that "weird large cat" fur looks so dirty and matted that she might as well put it out of its misery and use it for a bit of fur for the winter is looking like a good next target

what follows is a marketplace-wrecking chase across tables, streets and displays as the cat delicately dances its way out of A'Xiang's wild kicks, whip-strikes and flung projectiles until he comes to a pitful wide-eyed heap huddled behind the legs of some young master

-nailed it- thinks ZZS, watching Chengling valiantly defend an innocent abused animal against this horrible little girl threatening all sorts of horrible things. Being a cat is the best >]

things are escalating as Wen Kexing slides neatly into the conversation with a smile

all please clap for wen kexing, who looked at a filthy cat and went "that cat is too smart, is using qi, and also if you had four legs and were a cat that's probably what Swift Moving Steps would look" and is fully prepared to be weird about it in public.

press f for ZZS

ZCL: just wants this cat to be safe and happy - its trusting him!

GX: mad about this cat, threatening to skin it in revenge

Servant: would like to go back to shopping

WKX: "I need to ask that cat a few questions, don't worry I will make sure it is happy and well-looked after!"

all other participants are briefly stunned for different reasons, trying to convince themselves they heard wrong - ask...a CAT questions???

ZZS: 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨WHAT!?!?

GX: Master has.... fully lost it?? Maybe ghosts don't die in sunlight, they just go insane??

Chengling's stranger danger alarm actually manages to get activated for about five whole minutes - that smile is....unsettlingly full of teeth, and the man's companion was very much the one threatening this cat leaning trustingly against his legs, and he seems.... Too Interested

ZCL sweeps this dustmop of a cat up into his arms (and its huge - the size of his torso) and it drapes there docile as ZCL politely but firmly thanks the two of them and says he's happy as part of the local sect to take responsibility and provide this cat with a home

ZZS hangs there, directly meeting WKX's eyes with all the smug hauteur of a cat who has achieved a future of fish dinners or an assassin who has conned his way into an escape route.

As ZCL walks off, WKX declares that fate will reunite them and ZZS immediately begins to Plan.

⚠️Now we move into AU changes because as good as ZZS is - he still is, in fact, a cat and that affect what things happen or are known when.

SO there will start being more small and large #Spoilers for the series throughout this thread as things change ⚠️

ZZS plays nice all the way back across the lake to the Mirror Lake Sect. He could break out of the kids arms - by breaking them or just by employing tactics shared by cats and children of being very hard to hold - but he's comfy and there's a promise of food & places to snoop.

They arrive back at the sect and the servant who was pretty anti-bringing-strays-home starts making noises about possibly cleaning up the cat to make it more presentable, if it must come inside.

ZZS immediately is on the ground and intently inspecting the other side of the room

Good Boy Chengling (who also saw the cat vs purple girl fight earlier and is choosing his battles) averts this disaster by asking for food, cleaning and baths can wait for another time.

ZCL spends the evening in delighted basking near his new pet, who thoroughly ignores him.

Nighttime finds ZCL fast asleep in his bed where he went to bed alone, and ZZS curled up on his back and lightly napping and also lightly stewing in his re-awakened Qin Jiuxiao feelings about this kid who will not stop being wide-eyed, determined, idealistic, & loving at him. ugh

A commotion of laughter and screams, fire and smoke, the sounds of fighting awaken ZZS who immediately jumps to the top of the shelves and bristles while assessing the area. What in the fuck is happening, and holy shit he can hear SO. MUCH.

His long-range hearing of is the only thing that keeps him from breaking the neck of ZCL's father who bursts into the room with barely any warning except a conversation down the hall.
Chengling startles awake at his father's shaking hands and things get bloody & terrible quickly

No one pays attention to the cat in the shadows of the shelf as a letter is passed over and boy's belly is cut by his father and 20 year secrets are whispered urgently in the dark hush of the room before Chengling is rushed into regular disciple's clothing and shoved out the door

HUH thinks ZZS, mind ticking over connections & analysis, even as he darts unnoticed out the door on the heels of Zhang Yusen. That was the face of a man sending his child out to face the wolves and uncertain death, knowing that home would soon be slaughter house of certain death

The silly kid's fish was fresh and he got me out of a tight spot earlier, might as well return the favor. Anyways, he has no desire to watch another kid die uselessly for power, especially for something so foolish as whatever that Glazed Armor might relate to.

Martial Arts in a cats body took some work but - he kept all his qi and the first thing he did was find somewhere and practice and no one but some soon-to-be dead birds saw his early, fumbling attempts. He's certainly enough to take out the few low-level ghosts pursuing ZCL.

Chengling is pretty sure he's living a nightmare - he stomach hurts, he doesn't know where to run and there are men in masks pursuing him. He's tripped & crawled behind a statue to hide and try to catch his panting breath when he sees shadows around the corner where he came from.

Someone - he can't see - is fighting his pursuers!? They're entirely silent except for the pained and confused cries of their opponents and ZCL, unthinking, staggers out to see better

"Don't watch, run you little fool!!" a gruff, unfamiliar voice shouts & ZCL freezes, confused.

The sounds of fighting die down and ZCL waits for whoever his mysterious savior was. From around the corner slinks the dirty stray cat but no Mysterious Savior.... until the cat looks up, meets his eyes with the most judgemental face and says (says!!!) "Why are you still here!?"

Stopping here for the night (probably!) here's the top of the thread

https://twitter.com/CultivateSpite/status/1403055331148713985?s=20

We return: ZCL is trying to reconcile the speaking cat (the man in town was RIGHT!?) w/ the hazy unreality of the rest of this night and ultimately coming down at "this may as well be happening" and "i am seeking an authority figure to latch onto, and it is this cat who saved me"

The cat isn't waiting around for ZCL to do any kind of processing and darts past him to jump up on a nearby wall and immediately launches into: Do not tell anyone I can talk or am anything other than a normal cat, I will bite you if you need to stop what you're doing,

we need to get moving, so stop gaping and tell me where this "Uncle Li" your dad told you to find is - we can talk more in private later.

The harsh tone and the clear direction together snap ZCL out of his daze and he manages to explain that he was heading for the small docks in back, where Uncle Li always ties up his boat out of the way.

They run off, ZCL leading the way and the cat directing him occasionally to hide or run ahead. Once, ZCL hides and peeks and sees the cat drop out of a tree onto one of their pursuers neck dropping them like a stone, vault off their back to swipe across another's throat & then

do some kind of mid-air twist to dodge under the third's strike, striking them mid-body and somehow knocking them back into a tree across the path, only to casually drop onto the path already running and calling for ZCL to come out and keep moving.

The whole thing takes 30s at most and none of the three are moving so much as to groan or twitch.

Chengling, then and there, decides to find out if cat martial arts masters take human disciples. He doesn't want to be the useless one, only good for running away and being saved.

They find Uncle Li making his way towards them and with many fewer Ghosts still on their trail making their final break for the docks and the boat much easier. ZZS is able to just dart between ankles as Uncle Li takes out the last remaining ones as they appear to trip on air.

Uncle Li, much less injured in this version of events gets them to the temple and manages to fend off the ghosts more-or-less on his own until Gu Xiang barrels into the fight and starts viciously harassing their many attackers

ZZS doesn't need to do any meditating, but he is a cat and now is trying to aggressively pretend to be a 100% Normal and Boring Stray Cat now that Miss Purple CatBotherer has shown up and Mr SmilesSuspiciously McKnowsTooMuch is definitely in the area, which makes fighting tough

He's doing a decent job of darting around and contributing to chaos under the guise of being a panicked animal, up until he forgets to watch his tail (its a whole additional limb! he's been a cat for like. three months and this is his first real fight). There is a horrendous yowl

The noise is nerve-wracking & cuts across the sounds of fighting as sharply as the fan that swoops down and slices the throat of the one (un)lucky enough to have stepped on ZZS's tail in the commotion. ZZS notes exactly how painful it is, categorizing his new body's reactions.

WKX appears out of (?? the..rafters? thin air? ZCL couldn't begin to guess) to catch the fan on its return flight and joins GX in dispatching all of the ghosts brutally and efficiently, before turning to face the two humans and single cat he's saved with a smile.

He comments that they heard the sounds of fighting and, recognizing them from earlier, couldn't help but come lend a hand - after all, surely this was the hand of fate to reunite them as he is :) Philanthropist Wen :) and they were dearly in need of some help :)

ZZS leaves off lurking in the corner and grooming his offended tail to slink over to casually sit in front of ZCL & takes up grooming his hindclaws in a move that really unsettlingly emphasizes the sharpness of the claws as well as the size and flexibility of the paws themselves

WKX's smile manages to stretch wider as he folds his fan closed and bows in greeting (to the cat) and comments on how delighted he is to see that even after such a short time these two souls have clearly bonded deeply and cared for each other- such loyalty!

Before that can continue down any weird paths, Uncle Li interrupts by collapsing having taken a number of wounds in the fight. Entrusting his charge to this interloper is less than ideal, but better than no one so he starts to sound out the reliability of this "Philanthropist"

GX cannot believe WKX seems to not only be going along with this, but also seems to be looking forward to acquiring a new temporary kid even if he is yammering something about obviously having to help a child who has earned the affections of such a beautiful and elegant cat

WKX :)) absolutely not according to plan, but i will have so much time to investigate Four Seasons Mystery Person/Cat (is this just a really advanced new form of disguise??) and i cannot wait to bother him into revealing the truth & remove this variable from play at the same time

ZCL can't consult w/ Cat-future-shifu right now, and his dad told him to beware of 5 lakes, but this man is also Stranger Danger but also very much just saved him and he is very small and tired and sad and his whole family is dead so - he'll go along with WKX for now??

They spend the night at the temple resting, WKX tries to tempt ZZS into coming close to him with the tassel of his fan and bits of food as ZZS lurks and noses around in the shadows and hisses everytime someone gets too close to Chengling.

ZZS spends the late hours "sleeping" on ZCL's legs, facing directly at WKX, eyes closed & ears firmly fixed on the man. Sometimes he slits his eyes open to stare at WKX for a minute or ten, just to make him twitch. If the constant monitoring disturbs him, it doesn't show

The next morning, WKX leads them out to his boat which ZZS considers unnecessarily large and fancy, but at least it is large enough for ZCL to have a private room and space enough away from the other inhabitants of the boat to finally have a conversation without blowing his cover

ZZS clears his throat & braces himself from any range of questions from "who/what are you" to "why are you helping me" or even "hey what the hell just happened and who are these people should we be making a break for it!?" He is not in any way prepared for what actually happens

The minute ZZS speaks his name (implying that they are safe), ZCL throws himself on the floor in a floor and begs "SHIFU!! Please accept me as your disciple!!"

what kind of kid begs to be the disciple of a talking cat??? one he just met?? what are this kids priorities!?!?

He manages not to stare, "....you don't even know my name"

"If you won't tell me, I can just call you Shifu!" ZCL pleads - he wasn't rejected outright so is feeling a little hopeful

He's not wrong to be. ZZS is very aware of his limits in cat form, especially when trying to keep his cover of an unremarkable animal. ZCL clearly has no martial arts and well, ZZS has nothing else better to do. He doesn't know how long human-as-cats live & this kid is in danger.

ZZS is reluctant, and suspects there's a limit of how much he can actually teach this kid while a cat, but - family dead, no sure allies in 5 Lakes even if they make it to Zhao Jing, and whatever Wen Kexing wants, given what happened at Mirror Lake

Well, it would be good for merits after his death (and nothing to do with jiuxiao!!) - perhaps he will teach the kid some small things & test him & then maybe maybe accept him as a disciple. He -has- hidden both his knowledge of the talking cat and the Glazed Armor pretty well...

and we leave off tonight with the lot of them on a boat traveling to Sanbai Manor, Zhou Zishu lying to himself that he hasn't FULLY accepted this little idiot as his full disciple, and a little idiot with 500 questions hoping for answers

top of thread:

https://twitter.com/CultivateSpite/status/1403055331148713985?s=20

picking this back up like wheeeeeerreeeeee did i leave off in this Totally 100% Casual Threadfic... right, right ZZS alone with his brand new disciple, taking stock of the situation & rapidly reviewing what he knows of 5Lakes & the Glazed Armor that is obvs worth killing for

ZZS establishes some guidelines for how to act around him in public (call me whatever you want, something you'd call a cat), and figures out his new disciple knows shit-all about martial arts, his so-called uncles beyond "not to trust them", the Glazed Armor, or Wen Kexing

This is.....hmmm..... less than ideal and calls for some Investigation. Specifically, investigation into if WKX is an immediate danger and both of them are going to have to jump overboard and swim for shore in the night. Doable, but less than ideal for a kid with a gut wound

ZZS firmly instructs ZCL that he is to ask for bandages - its less suspicious to admit to being hurt & to treat himself than try to pretend to be okay - and if he's offered food/drink to take it, but not eat until ZZS returns, make an excuse & say he wants a nap or something.

He stands up & flows off the bed up to the closed door, then turns his head and stares at ZCL judgmentally.

ZCL stares back baffled.

ZZS headbutts the door, turns back and ramps the stare back up another notch of judgement. Could he open the door? Maybe. But *cats* can't.

Silly disciples need to start learning ASAP, especially ones as old and as vulnerable as this one.

After he does it again, ZCL clues in all in a rush and jumps off the bed to yank to door open a crack, and ZZS is out in a flash of mucky, matted fur and skittering claws.

ZCL watches him go and suddenly feels a lot more alone in the world. For such a small body, Shifu has such a big presence, firm and scolding but warm and so focused on what they need to do in the future. As he leaves, the pain of the recent past rushes to fill the void.

He curls up on the bed and tries to focus on the pain in his side and pretends to himself that that's why he feels tears starting, trying to ignore that his parents, brothers, and everyone he knows are maybe-probably dead.

ZZS is now a grey cat alone at night. Anyone who has gotten up to get a midnight snack and tripped over a yowling fuzzy lump knows the only thing quieter and more invisible at night than a grey cat is an assassin-trained grey cat.

The world is his oyster & he's going to spy about it- he's got suspicious men to investigate.

ZZS slinks unnoticed towards the largest bedroom at the far end of the ship where he can already hear the young girl yelling at someone, presumably this Wen Kexing.

He settles silently by the door to hear "-- even if it wasn't us - Master, I thought you wanted the glazed armor and now you picked up some silly boy and a cat!? What are we even going to do with them?? Didn't have some sort of plan?"

The cool chuckle devoid of humor WKX gives in response to his maid's DEEPLY CONCERNING tirade does nothing to reassure ZZS, who is calculating ZCL's current swimming ability. It's not a promising calculation, but is looking increasingly necessary

"Silly Girl, why are you asking so many questions? Anyways, let the ghosts do what they want - i don't care about the glazed armor at all. Isn't it funny to watch everyone fight over scraps - the whole of jianghu is really a bunch of ghosts wearing human skins.

WKX voice, previously haughty and barbed with scorn, softens "Anyways I've found someone much more interesting than their greedy squabbles"

"Maaaaaaaster you can't mean that nasty cat??!! Why are you being so weird about this!!! People call you crazy, but this is really insane! ... Ah Ah Ah Ow Ow Ow not my ear let got of my ear!!!"

"A'xiang did I raise you like this! Mind your manners, silly girl! Maybe spending time with a polite young master while he's traveling with us will teach you to behave! That 'cat' is a rare treasure with skills and knowledge most could never have - my eyes are never wrong'

It's no hardship to travel to Sanbai Manor, a great deed by Philanthropist Wen and a great chance to learn more about our mysterious four-footed guest along the way! Now hurry to bed, its late."

ZZS knows his cue to leave and hurries back. Much to think about, and truly an interesting pair with unknown goals - but not an immediate threat, even if WKX's interest in him promises to be extremely annoying. Better him than ZCL.

ZZS wakes up the next morning - the sun is shining, birds are singing and as he leaves their room, A'Xiang is stalking towards him with a towel in her hands and murder on her face.

"If Master says I have to bathe the cat, then you Mr. Cat are going to get a bath. I'm not about to be caught cleaning up your gross muddy fur off of everything!!"

Now, an important note about four inhabitants of this lovely river boat is: not a single one has spent much time around an actual cat,
much less lived with one. No one here knows how a real cat should behave, not even the one who is currently a cat.

WKX: has had a puppy when he was tiny (puppies love baths! so do little A'xiangs). Is convinced this cat is human, wouldn't accept evidence otherwise, even if ZZS did act normal

ZZS: knows what cats look like when they've spotted you lurking on a roof and when they haven't

ZCL: had pet bunnies, knows ZZS isn't a cat so it doesn't matter but wouldn't know normal cat behavior anyways

GX: has seen strays from a distance and an infected cat bite swelling up a wound, but WKX kept her away from them. Legendary terror = normal cat behavior 🤷‍♀️?

ZZS is not about to let himself be caught by a possible opponent, much less bathed by one - but he is looking forward to his favorite hobby of terrorizing bystanders in his guise of an innocent cat.

If there's one thing he's mastered of being a cat, it is the air of absolute apathetic indifference prior to wreaking havoc by being absolutely everywhere you didn't want them to be.

GX lunges towel-first. The cat swirls through her ankles, trips her up, and lurks on a nearby bannister as she stutters to regain her balance, hand landing heavily on the wall and braids whipping as she snarls towards the cat.

And then they're off on a chase across the deck, ZZS always just out of reach or underfoot - dancing backwards to get GX to hit herself with her whip or trip over a forgotten baulstrade or furniture. ZZS would never admit it, but this may be the most fun he's had in years.

"I am Heartless Amythyst Fiend and I am not about to be defeated by a dumb animal! The Ten Devils themselves don't dare talk back to me! Stay put and let me grab you!!"

ZZS bounces up to the top of a cabinet to briefly groom his whiskers and file away both the confirmation that these two are affiliated with Ghost Valley and that GX is an excellent source of information with a loose tounge around a "dumb animal". A productive morning indeed.

A moment later the chase is back on as GX gave up trying to climb up to reach him and resorted to throwing items with a rather impressive accuracy and force for a kid. Nice arm on her, probably all the whip-wielding.

WKX and ZCL have settled down to breakfast, ZCL finally awake and having interpreted ZZS's "not an immediate threat" as "new friend!" when the door bangs open and GX tumbles in, followed by the cat who darts in after her.

ZCL has stopped worrying about WKX being weird about the cat - the cat is, in fact, very weird and can talk. WKX is clearly a man of incredible insight and quite good cooking. At this moment he's more worried for GX than shifu who can certainly handle himself.

ZZS darts around the room bouncing off five surfaces, leaves muddy pawprints on WKX's shoulder before catapulting out a small upper window. GX recovers and barges straight through leaving brief peace in her wake.

"Ahhhh your cat has a god-like elegence - the way he moves and his feet dance is like snow in the wind or the moon hidden behind clouds" WKX comments idly, eyes folded up into happy little crescents - smug as a cat himself.

Before ZCL has to figure out how to respond to that odd little comment, GX stomps back into the room dripping horribly and practically steaming, a small whipmark red on her face. She stops, shakes her finger wordlessly at them both mouth gaping like a fish, before stomping off.

ZCL hastily excuses himself "I will go see if my cat needs any help" 😅😅

He's not not running away, anyways he hasn't greeted shifu yet this morning.

ZCL looks around the hallway and at the far end is ZZS, entirely dry, next to a large washtub surrounded a puddle of water. The cat looks very smug.

ZCL manages to request ZZS perhaps allow him, the unworthy disciple, to assist shifu in cleaning up, he will be more comfortable and also he doesn't have any sleeping clothes that are not quite muddy. Also there is maybe a bit of blood in the fur that he can see.

ZZS agrees - he would on the whole prefer to be clean than dirty, and it makes far more sense for the beloved pet of a young master to be well kept, so all motivation to maintain a protective layer of grime is gone. Also, he has no intention of tounge-bathing himself clean.

We will leave them there for the night, awkwardly negotiating how to clean a cat who is also a human who is your shifu and intensely independent but also lacks opposable thumbs and the ability to scrub his back properly and absolutely won't admit it feels nice. RIP to Chengling.

After quite a lot of time, and even more suffering, the door to ZCL's door opens and a boy and a cat emerge - both equally drenched and dripping, trailing water across the deck over to where WKX and GX are sitting in the shade.

ZZS trots over and as WKX leans over to greet him, full-body torso twisting shakes off all the water on his fur directly into WKX's face and his newly-cleaned robes.

What is left behind is the most gloriously fluffy light grey cat with lovely stripes around the eyes, who trots off to flop on the deck in the sun to finish drying and an incredibly damp WKX spluttering to get the taste of wet fur out of his mouth.

"SHIFU!!" blurts ZCL, who also caught some of the water that went off in all directions.

Without moving his body, ZZS twists his head around to stare at ZCL in judgemental warning, projecting I AM A SIMPLE REGULAR CAT with every indolent stretch of his limbs.

GX laughs wildly, "Shifu? What kind of a name for a cat is that? Is he teaching you to run about wildly and cause problems like he does? Will you be the master of fish-eating and naps?"

ZCL wisely doesn't argue back, setting his young face in a stubborn pout.

WKX finishes wiping the water from his face and re-joins the conversation, turning towards the cat and putting an arch expression on his face. "As much as I love to be showered your affections, I prefer to have a name first, my good sir!

I call no one shifu and I'm not about to start now, not even for one as artful as you - if you won't give me your name I will simply have to give you one myself~"

As he spoke, WKX slunk closer and leaned into the cat's line of sun, both provocative and provoking, reaching out a finger viper-quick to caress the line of the cat's spine and darting out of the way of the returning bite.

Circling around and plucking a bit of greenery that had blown onto ZZS's fur from the trees lining the river, he dangled it as if it was a toy to be batted at, "Should I call you A'Xu? A good name, elegant and free on the wind - perfect for one such as yourself!"

ZZS, because He Is A Cat, cannot argue back and simply would not, willing to tolerate this bullshit. As far as cat names go at least it wasn't something like Fluffy or Mr. Cuddles or Dumpling and anyways there are important naps to be had. If he's boring enough, WKX will leave

No one would label ZZS as an optimist, but in this case he absolutely underestimated WKX's ability to entertain himself as well as pester. If its not sneaking attacks to get ZZS to react more sharply than a cat, its endless chatter to draw a reaction - flirtation and banter.

By the time they pull in to anchor at the shore at night, ZZS is drawing on quite a bit of his infinite willpower to play normal

(WKX is adamant they cannot travel at night. WKX has no motivation to get anywhere quickly and also seems content to drift lazily down the river.)

I have a laptop full of notes, a 5 hr trip, and two thumbs, so let's get this story moving :]

top of thread ➡️

https://twitter.com/cultivatespite/status/1403055331148713985?s=21

https://t.co/xk83Eettcl

The minute they hit shore ZZS vanishes off into a convenient clump of bushes. Sometimes its awkward being a cat and no he doesn't want to talk about it thanks!

WKX and GX start preparing dinner and ZCL very politely asks if he can take his cat for his daily walk, thanks??

GX & WKX who, i cannot stress this enough, do not know pet cats: yeah sure that checks out go ahead have fun, scream if someone tries to kill you!!

Cat Walks happen every night of the journey & are Guess What Training is Suffering I'm Gonna Yell At You Until You Adjust Your Form Kiddo!! from ZZS

ZCL comes back every time exhausted & covered in scratches. GX is just 👍that cat is a nightmare, glad you're walking him not me!

The days and nights are a strange lazy rhythm as the four of them as well as a small group of servants drift down the river, chatting and telling stories.

ZZS is never far from Chengling, mostly sleeping stretched out in the sun, but occasionally draped over his shoulders (weight training!) Sometimes he flicks his tail in the boy's face to test his rection times (also its hilarious - half the time he can get the boy to sneeze)

He and GX come to a truce: she doesn't try to get him to do anything or try to touch him and he can do whatever he wants, as long as what he wants is to leave her alone

Her tendency to chatter to herself or to the local wildlife continues to be a source of interesting tidbits - snippets of life growing up in Ghost Valley and raised by WKX.

She's talks about how soft and trusting ZCL is and how he would definitely be eaten up quick in the Valley - he doesn't even have any knives!! (shit ZZS thinks, the kid *doesn't* have any knives and claws are good but they're not baiyi.... )

ZZS realizes to his disgust that he *likes* WKX even if he is suspicious as all hell BEYOND probably being the Ghost Valley Master. And the poetry. And flirting with a cat. The man is good at cooking and good at picking wine and has a smile that would look at home on a cat.

ZZS deals with his feelings by sneaking into WKX's room and shredding a few of his robes.

WKX promptly takes to ONLY wearing the scratched clothing, swanning about and proclaiming that he bears the Marks Of Favor of a great beauty, who cut my sleeves for me ☺️

ZZS: 😑 unfortunately i find you funny or something. horrifying. is this heartburn in my chest???

As they get closer to Sanbai Manor, WKX suddenly has a burning need to [delay /strike] walk the rest of the way, just the four of us, we can stop by a town that is just FAMOUS for its walnuts, they're a amazing, totally worth it, there's this one stall--

So off they go, leaving the boat behind and amble into town for a long lunch in the local in and leisurely drinks before heading out to WKX's legendary walnut stall

ZZS: never have i regretted being a cat more. we are standing in line to accquire the most cursed food in the world and i cannot stop this without breaking cover

the beggars guild: attacks

ZZS: thank fuck, no walnuts

ZZS watches the posturing of the beggars, claiming to know ZCL and being here to help him as ZCL huddles up behind WKX's voluminous sleeves.

ZZS: had it not been for the laws of Being A Stealthy Assassin i would have slaughtered you. instead, lets see what "wen-shu" will do

WKX is experiencing A Feeling about a child huddling trustingly behind him in the face of those who only want him for his connection to the glazed armor. fuck, this was not in any plans, feelings are illegal, lets do murder about it!

WKX, smiling his most cold murdersmile: those who take unwilling children from those who care for them are not humans but the worst devils from hell. Chengling, please stay near AXu and AXiang while I take out the trash~ ❤️

What follows is a quick brutal fight with fan and bare hands - the directive to stay near GX mostly just keeps everyone else out of the way & neither ZZS nor GX need to do more than a light stabbing to ensure a flying body is actually out of the fight.

ZZS: asssessment - hot 🔥... no bad brain focus! assessment - definitely GVM, actually cares about Chengling, god i wanna fight him that would be... fun? is that the emotion??? fun?? i can't remember the last time i had fun

After the fight and clean up, they make haste out of town and walk to find their way towards a suitable campsite a ways off from the path.

WKX is pleased with himself - avoided feelings via violence, a beatiful day, good company, and his pockets are full of delicious walnuts

As has been his habit, WKX solicitously offers some of his bounty to AXu.

The normal pattern is pointed ignoring of food pinched between fingers or chopsticks... until it is placed down. Then, at some point it vanishes mysteriously from the plate unseen & unacknowledged

AXu startles, hisses (clearly involuntary, he seems surprised to have done so), displays his entire set of needle-sharp teeth and vanishes to the far side of ZCL's shoulders, tail held carefully to deliberately casually show Nothing To See Here Just Felt Like Being Over Here Now

WKX shrugs and eats the walnut himself, cheerfully storing that bit of remarkably honest reaction into what little he knows about AXu from their time together. Such a delightful mystery and one who gets ever more intriguing the longer they spend together.

and leaving that there for tonight - gonna give my thumbs a rest before they ~finally~ reach sanbai manor jeeze!

Its just me here a month later, continuing what if instead of having 7 nails and 3 autumns to live, Zhou Zishu was fluffy cat AU

https://twitter.com/CultivateSpite/status/1403055331148713985?s=20

The four of them set up camp that evening on the shores of Lake Tai, with the intention to set off bright and early for Zhao Jing's manor. WKX and A'Xiang catch fish for dinner. ZCL fails to catch any fish and WKX fails to entice ZZS into doing anything but sleeping by the fire.

GX and WKX vanish to have a private discussion (eg: discuss Ghost Valley Shit & plans for A'Xiang to take a message to the rest of the valley). ZCL assures them confidently that he can prepare the fish and cook them for dinner! How hard can it be? Also, Shifu knows everything!

It is unfortunate that they are not trying to interrogate these fish. With fish prepared by ZZS's instructions, one would have a better chance at getting information out of a dead fish than dinner.

ZZS decided it was close enough and accurately described how to prepare the fish by slicing it, pinning it - avoiding damaging the gut, the spine or the brain/head. He correctly estimates where to put it over the fire to avoid roasting it too quickly.

WKX returns alone and Chengling is spared what would certainly be AXiang's harsh mockery re: cooking (gordon r*msay move over).

Instead, WKX is thoroughly entertained & can see the origin of the fish preparation techniques that never came from any kitchen.

In between saving dinner, he lavishes compliments on A'Xu for his attempts to teach this young disciple, truly a bloodthirsty mind, this humble servant will take care of cooking, please do not bother your delicate paws etc etc.

ZZS does not want to talk about it, thanks!

Chengling is fully struggling to play My Cat Is A Normal Cat in the face of the onslaught but he is TRYING! It was easier with the buffer of A'Xiang who would boldly shut down every time WKX went in the Cat = Human direction, but now he's alone and its not like Shifu can help him

Eventually he finally gives in and is just WOW I sure am tired from the scary bandit attack and all this walking, gonna go to bed now i am so so so tired time to go to bed with my normal cat, gotta wake up early tomorrow!!! 😬😴😴😴