Thread by @Astro_Latte

This Is How Riverdale Season 5 Is Going To End (a thread)

I’m about to spoil 5B for you all, so buckle up.

First things first, remember three key facts:

1.) Tabitha Tate was created for Riverdale,
2.) Bughead lasted as long as it did because Lili Reinhart and Cole Sprouse dated irl
3.) Mark Consuelos is the highest-paid actor on set.

To start: Choni will be fine. Riverdale always gives these two the odd storylines, but they're endgame. Evan Kyle confirmed it'll be the second half of Cheryl Isn’t Cursed/Toni Starts A Family. And Penelope will probably start a megachurch somewhere along the way.

Moving on.

Also: Josie and the Pussycats come back because someone on staff finally raised their hand and reminded everyone that They Exist. Roberto announced that they're episode 5x15.

Asides from Choni, there are four other ships on Riverdale:

Betty/Archie
Veronica/Archie
Betty/Jughead
Tabitha/Jughead

Let's start with the loudest one, Bughead

At first, I thought they were going to get back together in the same-old-ship-same-old-story route. Until it became clear that Tabitha wasn't going to be a one-hit-wonder (like Toni) but an actual romantic option for Jughead.

If they were going to go back to Bughead, they would've played this part very differently.

First off, their relationship would've ended right HERE - especially because it happened right after the Barchie FWB plot ended.

It looks like an opening, but it's really a red herring.

When Jughead is on shrooms, he's unlocking trauma. It's part of his ~ dark angsty writer ~ blah blah storyline. So, anything he envisions while in that headspace is part of the trauma he needs to "break through."

Jughead is still mourning how Betty cheated on him with Archie (his biggest insecurity) and never properly apologized for hurting him.

That's why he sent her such an angry voicemail before his book launch and why he hallucinated her during his trip.

He wants closure.

Judging by Evan's hints, he'll get closure during his Rat King/Mothman/NYC trauma plot. Those stories will probably align with Betty looking for answers about Polly's disappearance on the lonely highway.

And Lili/Cole broke up irl, so there's no PR reason to keep Bughead going.

If Bughead was going to happen, this episode would've been the one to start building them up. Instead, they're building Jughead up with Tabitha which brings me to

Jabitha!

Tabitha was created for Riverdale by the writers, and just as Jughead keeps referring to himself as the next Stephen King, Tabitha is based on his wife Tabitha King - his muse and woman who helped him stay sober.

It's very Riverdale to name characters like this, but also having Tabitha be the owner of Pop's aligns with Jughead always seeing that place as home.

One of the reasons I've been so skeptical is because she was created FOR Jughead, unlike Toni who already existed in the comics.

Though Tabitha isn't being tied to Jughead right away. Evan shared that his emoji hint was about them going to an Italian Restaurant. They're going the classic route of the six steps for romance (first kiss, rejection, etc.)

It's actually quite romantic! savannahgilbo.com/blog/romance-o…

Which leaves us with Barchie and Varchie.

That's right folks - it's the classic Archie Comics love triangle!

I spoke about this before in other tweets, but Varchie/Barchie was, is, and always has been THE SHIP WAR.

It's older than any of us and will go on even when we're all dead.

https://twitter.com/Astro_Latte/status/1372362716371943427

Unfortunately, Riverdale wasn't able to do the classic love triangle it really wanted after S1/S2 because of two things:

1.) Bughead (which I already spoke about)
2.) Mark Consuelos.

Mark Consuelos is the best part of Riverdale, hands down. He's a season soap actor, but also worth $40M. He makes BANK and eats up all the screen time. It's one of the reasons why Marisol Nichols left the show. There was nothing for her. etonline.com/riverdale-seas…

Just as Bughead became a way bigger than expected, Hiram's character became the main villain every single season - regardless of if it made sense or not. Since he's Veronica's dad, the only way to make that work was to keep Archie and Veronica together.

https://twitter.com/Astro_Latte/status/1374470130919370757

In a perfect universe where Hiram Lodge didn't need to have as much screentime as Archie, there would've been room for more b-plots like in S2 and S4 where Archie strays with Betty, and vice-versa.

Same with Veronica/Reggie (another canon couple) being explored more, too.

All of this to say that the Barchie Friends With Benefits plot was not for fan service or to get shippers mad - it's for the love triangle.

Each of their scenes in 5A isn't just them post-sex (like Varchie together in bed) but choreographed with licensed music aka $ EXPENSIVE $

The reason they ended the FWB is that Archie very obviously wanted to explore things with Veronica at the key party and Betty didn't want to drag Archie into the TBK stuff.

So we as the audience know that Archie and Betty banged A LOT, but now he's with Veronica and her mess.

For Varchie, Veronica is in the midst of a bad marriage and divorce with Chad and fighting her dad (again) for control of Riverdale. This means that Archie is now in the midst of dealing with Veronica's bad marriage and divorce and fighting her dad (again.)

Based on how this show has framed him (and Chris Mason's limited contract), Chad is bad so in 5B he's either going to die, Veronica will get her divorce or he'll end up in jail. Regardless, their marriage is going to end by 5x19 and Varchie will go on - sorry!

Whatever the finale is with Hiram, Archie is going to get hurt, and based on Evan's interview and the emojis he shared for them + RAS's post, it's going to be for Veronica against Hiram.

It's there that he's going to propose to her and she'll say yes because - they're endgame.

HOWEVER!

Barchie is not dead.

Betty knows the score between her and Archie. They're just friends. That's it. They cheers to being "just friends" probably at the White Worm given the 🍻 emoji. Evan said the 🎂 was to celebrate something in the finale, and RAS's 💍 means it's going to be Varchie's engagement.

It's Evan's 💣 and RAS 🤰emoji that explains why they spend so much money, time, and effort to show us Betty having sex with two men. Archie and Glen.

And that, guys, gals and non-binary pals is because Betty will find out she's pregnant in the finale.

I've tweeted this before, but this irony is where Betty's story was always headed. She's spent so much time not wanting to become her father, the Black Hood, that she's actually become her mother.

Not wanting to blow up Archie and Veronica's relationship again, she'll say it's Glen's just like Alice said that Charles was Hal's.

And before anyone says anything - the blonde pregnant emoji is on purpose. It's AFTER the dark hair one.

https://twitter.com/Astro_Latte/status/1404971283524247562

In conclusion, that's where the second half of Riverdale is headed.

- Choni will get back together.
- Jabitha will start to take off.
- Varchie will get engaged.
- Barchie has a baby.
- And Bughead is, as the kids say, "bones."

@threadreaderapp unroll

Obligatory "this is a theory based on how this show has gone before/the interviews we've seen/the low brow writing" tweet. Nobody come for me if I'm wrong, I do not care.