Thread by @greaterbayo

Lessons My Father Taught Me

A few days ago, I stopped by at my father's office to check on him and also give him a copy of my new book 40 Lessons I Learnt Along The Way. I also gave him the audio-book copy for him to play in his car.

I had to wait for him a bit as he was out of office. That period gave me the opportunity to reflect on my relationship with my father. When I gave him a copy of my book, I saw the joy that radiated from his face.

He looked at the book and prayed for me. As I said amen to his prayers, several thoughts passed through my mind.

My father taught me the virtue of hard work. He was out of the house by 6am and usually came back by 10pm. He taught me the dignity of labour.

Each time I was on holiday in secondary school, he would take me with him to the roads he was constructing and the heavy machineries he was repairing. From him I learnt respect for others.

We had several people who stayed in our house as his apprentices- he even put more than 10 people in our boys quarter at a time- and he had me call each one of them 'Boda' and 'Aunty'. That is what I call all of them till date. We ate from the same pot and he never discriminated.

My father taught me the virtue of honesty. Anytime we had the opportunity to talk, he always told me the story of how he got a contract to repair a heavy duty equipment for 2 Mechanized Division of the Army in Ibadan in the early 80s

and how an army colonel met with him surreptitiously to sell off the equipment so they can share the money- just before the coup happened in 1984. He refused even though he was threatened.

He had to move the machinery to another location for safe-keeping. A few years later, he was arrested when the army guys were going through their records. They were surprised when he took them to the safe location where he kept their equipment.

He proudly showed me the commendation letter the army gave to him for his honesty. My father taught me that honesty is not only the best but the only policy.

My father taught me the virtue of education. He wanted me to read all that he couldn't. Even when I felt I would die at the boarding school from fagging from senior students, he insisted he would never withdraw me. It was from him I learnt the love for books.

Just tell my father you want to buy a book and he will do everything possible for you to get one.

My father taught me deep spiritual values. He never missed church and none of his children dared miss church.

Even when I sneaked out of church during Sunday service to go and eat 'Laskabo's Amala around Oniyanrin in Ibadan, I never failed to commit to memory the topic of the sermon for that day. I knew my father would ask me on the way home.

Anytime my father was a guest preacher at any event, he always took me along. It was from my father I first heard Oral Robert's name.

My father taught me that no matter how strong a man is, he can never be a super man. In the early 80s, I saw him on hospital bed for close to one month. It was at a very popular hospital in Ibadan then called Oluranti Hospital.

I did not know what was wrong then but I always went to the hospital after school. It was years later that I would know that he struggled with diabetes.

My father taught me that the best of man is still a man. I didn't understand his reaction after the loss of a third child to sickle cell. He practically broke down and did certain things I didn't expect. But I was too young to show empathy. Now, I know better.

Sons don't understand certain things until they become fathers. Fatherhood grants you some understanding you can never have as a son. As a son, I was quick to judge instead of showing understanding. As a son, I was quick to take sides instead of watching from the side lines.

As a son, I was full of righteous indignation instead of loving compassion. With some deep regrets, I remember my squabbles with my father. I am usually nostalgic when he calls me every week to pray for me. Now as a father myself, I understand better.

My father is not perfect neither am I. My father made mistakes and so will I. The more I look at him, the more I see me in him.

As my daughter gave me a Father's Day card last night, I asked myself what she will write about me in the future. I smiled as I read what she wrote-'I love you dad. I love you to cook eggs'.

On this Father's Day, I bless my father and thank him for all the lessons I learnt from him. To all fathers out there, I wish you a happy Father's Day. If you still have a father, call him today and thank him.

Bayo Adeyinka
Written on Father’s Day 2016
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