Bitchcraft and Niggatry Profile picture
Jun 27, 2021 39 tweets 8 min read Read on X
Hi. I've been worried about you overheating so here I am with bossy bossy tips.

Blackout your windows. All of them. If you got aluminum foil put it shiny side out and then something like cardboard behind that and then a blanket or towels over that. You want it DARK in your place
Don't make yourself eat, don’t force your kids to eat. Eating when too hot will cause vomiting. Have fruit and jello in the fridge and make them unlimited for the heatwave. I KNOW your toddler will want to eat jello all day. It's okay today. Cold fruit/jello keep them hydrated.
Put your little ones and older family members in cool water as often as they can stand it. If you have a tub USE it. GENEROUSLY. As soon as we hit 97 in Maine my kid was in a cool tubby every 4 hrs when he was little. Run it room temp and slowly add cold til they kinda perk up
This is not the time for modesty. Let them babies be butterball naked when they get out of the tub if they're comfortable that way. Please don't be shy about your fat rolls, your stretch marks, your scars. People will legitly overheat AT HOME over not liking their bodies. DON'T.
PNW homes are built similar to New England ones. Small spaces cut up so that you can close them off to reduce spaces for easy heating.

This makes heat WAY WORSE. You need to move air through your house or it will be 5 hrs after sunset before things start to cool off inside.
Pick your cooling room (should be a room in the lowest level you've got if you've got 2 flrs) use blankets in the doorways if the room doesn't have doors. We're partially separating the cooling room from the wind tunnel we're gonna make in the rest of the house.
Put everyone in the cooling room and now go open ALL the doors in the house. Open 1 window in each room. If you have a fan for each room, put them in the open window facing OUT. If you only have 2 fans put 1 in the doorway of the furthest room and the other aimed out opp window
Also, if you only have 2 fans please drop your cashapp, PayPal, or venmo under this tweet and I will RT it because you're gonna need more than 2 fans. This is not a 1 and Done event. You'll be doing this every summer for the rest of our lives.
Preferably you will have a fan for each room including the room with the ac. Once an hour for 10 or so minutes, roll up the blanket/open the door blocking the cooling room from the rest of the house and set your cooling room fan in the doorway blowing out into the rest of it.
Yes, I KNOW you can hear your dad hollering about not cooling all outside. And I know about your light bill baby, but you NEED to throw 10 mins of cold air out into that wind tunnel every hour or so so your family can keep using the rest of the house less miserably.
Put lightweight dress socks from the dollar tree in a zip lock bag and pop them in the freezer. The slippery rayon kind that you can get from the dollar store. They cool down REALLY fast and can help bring temps down on someone overheating. They're 2pk for $1 at the dollar store
Some people put undies in the zip locks. I can't. Your ball having offspring will not like it. Odds are high your ND offspring won't like it. If they like chilly buns add clean undies to the zip lock but more people will take cold feet over cold genitals.
Unplug EVERYTHING you aren't using. Not playing videogames? Unplug the console. Unplug the microwave, the washer, the desktop computer, tvs in rooms people aren't in. Your electronics keep your house like 3 degrees warmer just from their power usage. Unplug it til you need it.
I need you to step into a chilled shower at least twice today. I know you're hot and you're busy and you're not gonna help yourself or anyone else if YOU are your family's heat exhaustion victim. I'm not asking you to wash a single inch of yourself. Just stand under flowing water
Seriously, if your family can go semi or fully nocturnal for the hottest days, do that. Pull mattresses into the cooling room on the floor and let people sleep from 11am to 4pm. That 6 hr stretch is the worst for direct heat.
No one goes outside without sunscreen, no matter what shade tint tone or color foundation you wear.

If you can, keep under 6s inside period. One of the 1st symptoms of heat exhaustion is nonsensical speech and dilerium. It can be HARD to tell if your 4 is heat loopy or silly
Minimal outside for your pets. I KNOW your doggy likes doing a mile with you every day no matter what. Sorry, that little butthole is just gonna have to do without and maybe chew something when you're not looking. The ground is DANGEROUSLY hot on their feet. Potty only.
If your schedule permits 6 am and 11pm, walk THEN. But nothing while the sun is out. If you don't believe me, walk from your front steps to the corner in your bare feet at noon. You won't make it 15 steps.

If your dog has winter booties break them back out for potty time.
Put ice in your pets water.

Buy a HUGE bag of chopped frozen veg that your family hates and divvy them into more ziplock bags for sticking under necks, in armpits and crotches to force core temps down.

Know where an inhaler is. Asthma can be triggered when it's too hot
Put your neb fluid in the fridge if it already isn't.

One, it should be in the fridge ANYWAY but if you didn't know that, do it because a cold neb into lungs that are seizing from working hot thick air? One of the top 10 most excellent sensations in the world. Better than a nut
Try not to eat out during the hottest part of the day if you are able to skip that. Remember that those kitchens can be hellishly hot in the WINTER. Don't make anyone drop fries for you at 1pm if it's not a medical necessity. Or if you have to, get cold food like a yummy sub!
Turn off the ceiling fan. It's not helping. It's forcing the hot air that has risen to your ceiling Back Down On You.

Ceiling fans are surprise winter saviors and heat wave betrayers.

Once you're in triple digits, try to stay out of the fan. It can make you HOTTER
Keep an eye out for altered states in your family members. Unfocused eyes that don't immediately refocus when you call them. A red not pink flush. No sweat. Unless you have rich people air on MAX, your family SHOULD be sweating pretty steadily outside of the cooling room.
Nonsensical answers, slurred speech, belligerence, and confusion are also signs to watch closely for. If they're outside of the cooling room get them lying down in that cool space. Break out your freezer socks and bring them a jello which they're less likely to puke than cold H2O
If they're in the cooling room, get them flat and deploy the socks as well as the frozen veg. Top of the head, back of the neck, both armpits, small of the back, between the thighs, back of the knees. Try to bring their temp down in the cooling room BEFORE taking them to the bath
Don't put ANYONE in a cool shower unless you know 100% that you have the strength to support them safely if they start seizing. Put them in the tub, cool not cold, and keep your hands on them the whole time. You should call 911, but do the cooling room steps 1st
Emergency services are going to be...tight. All these tips assume you're fortunate enough to be housed and have at least 1 fan and 1 junker ac. Lots of people have 1 or none of these things. EMTs are gonna be heartbreakingly busy. Start your cool down steps before you call 911
Emergency services is going to give you similar instructions. Follow what they tell you to do.

If you are an adult living alone, set up regular phonecalls at least 3 a day until the heat breaks. 1 morning call, 1 around 2pm, 1 evening call. You will NOT notice heat exhaustion
Someone who KNOWS what you sound like and your speech patterns needs to hear your voice after you wake up, in the hottest part of the day, and once it cools down to make sure you are not caught in the grips of heat exhaustion and unable to recognize it.
You don't have to make conversation. Read half a page from a book you both know outloud. Do your favorite movie monologue. Explain your zpoc plan. Sugar or salt on grits?

You just need to speak for about 5 mins. Long enough for your friend to notice if you slur, drift, or stop
If you're the contact person for someone living alone, and notice they sound fucky during their phonecall, ask them to get a cold drink and then get into the tub. Half of them will get bitchy because fuck heat distress for making humans aggy as fuck. Make them.
If you live alone, please make sure someone you trust WHO CAN REACH YOU IN LESS THAN 20 MINUTES has access to your apartment. Because your key holder may have to come over and physically Put You in the shower. Please don't fight. The more you don't want to, the more you need to
Literally the worst thing in the world that can happen if you're not in heat distress is that you stand under some refreshing water fully dressed while giving your loving friend the stink eye while they grow increasingly more sheepish.

But more likely they will save your life.
Sending 911 to someone alone for heat distress should be the call of absolute last resort. Because you never know if it's gonna be an ambulance, a fire crew, or fucking cops who get sent and disabled and Black adults in heat distress can become victims by being disoriented
If you can travel IN A COOL VEHICLE to your friend, go to them. Do NOT walk 20 mins in 109 degree weather 'save them' because you won't. You absolutely will NOT save either of you. If you can't get there in 20 mins in a moderately cool vehicle, call someone closer
If you must call 911 for a person alone and you are ABSOLUTELY sure they need intervention, do NOT say 'belligerent, aggressive, aggy, tweakin, buggin, wild, crazy' at any point during the call. You do not want words that trigger a cop car to be sent instead of EMTs.
Say "my friend is an adult living alone who sounds like they're in heat distress. They are disoriented and having a hard time understanding simple commands. They need medical assistance"

That's it. Do not describe their mental state any other way. Do not confirm any suggestions.
If the dispatcher asks how they responded to you do not tell them your friend told you to fuck yourself and hung up, even if they did. Stick with "they were unable to follow my simple commands. I think they need medical attention."

This script only plus their address. DASSIT
And that's it. That's all my bossy heat advice. It's all I've got for you.

Be safe. Stay cool.

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