Why do partners have affairs? Five people talk about their experiences of infidelity, and psychotherapist Jean-Claude Chalmet explains why we stray.
Lack of emotional connection in the marriage 💔
“An affair is often the end point of feeling taken for granted,” says Chalmet. “No one wants to feel used. I’ve noticed that women in particular tire of feeling like the waitress at the banquet of their husband’s life.”
“An affair is often the end point of feeling taken for granted,” says Chalmet. “No one wants to feel used. I’ve noticed that women in particular tire of feeling like the waitress at the banquet of their husband’s life.”
The sex drought 🛏️
“I’ve heard spouses say: ‘You drove me to it.’ I find in my practice that many men think that their partners don’t want sex. This creates a tension — and they look for the easy solution. The truth is their partners often do want sex, just not bad sex.”
“I’ve heard spouses say: ‘You drove me to it.’ I find in my practice that many men think that their partners don’t want sex. This creates a tension — and they look for the easy solution. The truth is their partners often do want sex, just not bad sex.”
Sheer boredom 😴
“Women often cheat because they’re bored, and tired of waiting for their husband to engage. Men tell me they often become disengaged when their partners stop initiating sex.”
“Women often cheat because they’re bored, and tired of waiting for their husband to engage. Men tell me they often become disengaged when their partners stop initiating sex.”
Fear of intimacy 😨
“An affair can be a way of sabotaging a ‘safe’ relationship. If someone secretly fears emotional closeness or commitment because it makes them feel vulnerable, they may create a situation that makes the partner more inclined to do just that.”
“An affair can be a way of sabotaging a ‘safe’ relationship. If someone secretly fears emotional closeness or commitment because it makes them feel vulnerable, they may create a situation that makes the partner more inclined to do just that.”
Late rebellion 😠
“If you were unable to express anger or rebel when you were growing up, having an affair can be an immature way of showing strong emotions.”
“If you were unable to express anger or rebel when you were growing up, having an affair can be an immature way of showing strong emotions.”
A cry for help❗
“It can be that the one cheating is punishing their partner. An affair can be a toxic way of bringing an intolerable state of distance or stalemate in a relationship to an end, or of trying to regain control if it’s someone who feels unheard by their partner.”
“It can be that the one cheating is punishing their partner. An affair can be a toxic way of bringing an intolerable state of distance or stalemate in a relationship to an end, or of trying to regain control if it’s someone who feels unheard by their partner.”
Emotional immaturity 🤷♂️
“An affair is an emotionally immature way of acting out your discontent.”
“An affair is an emotionally immature way of acting out your discontent.”
Low confidence 😓
“Often you want to prove to yourself that you’re better than the person your lover is married to. The affair is an ego boost.”
“Often you want to prove to yourself that you’re better than the person your lover is married to. The affair is an ego boost.”
We asked people why they had their affairs. “Being the centre of someone else’s world was intoxicating. My self-esteem soared,” one woman said.
“And then I arrived home from his house one day, full of joy because he’d told me for the first time that he loved me, and a pile of papers by my computer caught my eye. To my utter horror, I realised they were printouts of all the emails between myself and my lover.”
“Not only were the emails printed out for me to see I’d been caught out, but my husband had forwarded them to my family, friends — even my children’s school.
“I didn’t have much of a marriage to save, but it was my children’s sadness that was the worst.”
“I didn’t have much of a marriage to save, but it was my children’s sadness that was the worst.”
“He tracked down my lover and warned him to stay away from me, which he did. He simply vanished from my life.”
Read more: thetimes.co.uk/article/danger…
Read more: thetimes.co.uk/article/danger…
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