Thread by @MalkaSvei

Having grown in a yeshivish (Ultra Orthodox, non chassidic ) community, and spent the last 5 years in predominantly centrist/Modern Orthodox (MO) circles, some thoughts on #myorthodoxlife (1/)

I’m seeing a lot of ModOx women tweeting that their lives are nothing like popular depictions of Orthodoxy. This is true- while the MO world is far from perfect, in terms of gender/sexualityissues & cultural openness, it’s light years ahead of yeshivish Orthodoxy (2/

HOWEVER that doesn’t erase the fact that Ultra Orthodox Jews make up the majority of the Orthodox population, and many Ultra Orthodox communities are not that far off from popular media depictions (3/)

I’m also seeing tweets by Ultra Orthodox folks, which at least based on my experience , seem disingenuous. EG :
“ I’m an ( ultra) Orthodox woman , and I’m a Dr. / Lawyer / Merchant Marine” .
Spoken as a future neuroscientist who grew up in that world - this is not the norm (4/)

Out of my high school class of 100+ students, I was one of only TWO ( at least last time I checked ) to attend a four year college (5/)

And it was INCREDIBLY HARD for me to get there - despite the fact that both of my parents were educators, who prioritised my sibs & my education, indulged our interests, brought us to the library weekly, etc (6/)

(Side note: the above is particularly dishonest when the person posting DIDNT GROW UP ULTRA ORTHODOX and thus wasn’t subject to the educational limitations of the community) (7/)

“I’m an (ultra) Ortho woman and I sing / dance/ perform ! “
Yes, but while men can perform in front of any gender, women r allowed to perform for women only, making it nearly impossible to pursue opportunities outside the community, and srsly limiting them even within it (8/)

“I’m well read/ in touch with pop culture/ a music fan !”
So am I, bec my parents raised me to value literacy , & despite the fact that movies & most music were off limits in my childhood. My parents were certainly not the least restrictive, but they were far from the most.(9/)

The fact that they brought us to the library every week was actually a big deal, given that when I was 5 or so , a prominent Rabbi, seen by many as the de facto leader of the community, had issued a statement instructing families to stop patronizing the public library (10/)

My high school teacher used “Not reading secular books” as an example of religious growth. TV and movies were heavily frowned upon , as was mainstream music. None of the families in my neighbourhood had a TV , and going to the movies was absolutely unheard of(11/)

Leaders in a significant swath of the community are still fighting a losing battle to keep their congregants from using the internet- as recently as 2 years ago, my siblings had to sign a pledge not to use any internet accessible devices on the 1st day of each school year (12/)

“I choose to dress this way, I don’t find it restrictive at all!”
I’m going to be honest here: I really try to respect that , if it is your personal choice. But I have SUCH A HARD TIME BUYING IT when living in the Ultra Ortho world you are consistently told you have to (13/)

If you’re lucky, in ways that are respectful, with a stress on personal dignity. If youre unlucky, you get messaging thats really gross and sexualising. ( I personally heard both kinds growing up ) (14/)

While some women like dressing that way, those who don’t must do so anyway or suffer serious censure. & while not all find it restrictive, wearing below knee skirts all the time really hampers freedom of movement- try riding a bike that way. It’s doable , but barely (15/)

The yeshivish world in has many wonderful traits & many find it a meaningful spiritual home. It also imposes some significant restrictions on its members, & can be deeply sexist & homophobic (16/)

The homophobia is for another time but one last point on sexism : in the community where I grew up, women’s opportunities were limited not only by the small range of educational environments considered acceptable (17/)

( most acceptable: attending community college / professional training while living at home. Least acceptable: attending a traditional 4 year school and living on campus) (18/)

But also by the fact that in the Ultra Orthodox world , women are both implicitly & very explicitly encouraged to find their locus of meaning in supporting men, rather than in their own life choices (19/)

To the extent that women are encouraged to pursue professional careers , it is so that they can support a family, or even a husband who has chosen to pursue a life as a Torah scholar - a vocation from which women are barred (20/)

Supporting a family or husband can be a meaningful choice , as long as women have agency to choose how we find fulfillment , whether that be in a career, in family, or our own religious lives. Instead , we are expected to do the caretaking, homemaking, AND breadwinning (21/)

And to get religious fulfillment mainly vicariously, by supporting men- which not only denies us religious agency, but has ramifications for social status , given our limited participation in precisely the realm most highly regarded by the community (22/)

The communities that most highly value Torah scholarship are the worst in this regard - because this most essential and all consuming , certainly most religiously prized , pursuit is one that is off limits to women (23/)

All this being said , despite its flaws, the yeshivish community is characterized by generosity, piety , & contemplation. I didn’t find my home there , but many do - happily. I just wish they would express this without pretending that the critiques aren’t valid (end)