Thread by @empressvika_

#tdbkdk #轟爆デク
cw: theft

–
Bakugou and Todoroki really love Deku. Like, /really./ They love his unruly hair, those unending freckles, lips that get swollen around their coc– yeah.

They love him which is why they’re breaking into his hero merch cabinet.

If there’s anyone to be blamed for this, it’s Shouto.

“Really?” The accused man in mention raises his brow, unimpressed. “If I remember correctly, /you’re/ the one who made this plan.”

“Yeah, cuz your shitty ass can’t plan shit.”

“/No,/ it’s because you wanted those fireworks.” Shouto grumbles under his breath, brows furrowing as they got past another layer of security.

“Ha?” Katsuki shoves the other aside to take his turn at the next layer. “Says the idiot who wanted to rent a goddamn /castle./“

Shouto tilts his head to the side, face making an expression of ‘what about it?’ that while Katsuki very much wants to blow off, isn’t the main agenda right now.

Plus, it’s a pretty face, so he’ll need to think more about that ‘exploding it off’ thing.

Honestly, this whole ‘breaking into the shitnerd’s insanely guarded as fuck cabinet’ should be on the top of their agenda of ‘thinking twice before they do it’.

Katsuki gets past another layer of security.

Too bad they’re too invested into this plan.

Or as Katsuki told Shouto a month ago–

“We need to rob a bank or we can’t marry the nerd.”

They’re taking their lunch break on one of rooftops in Ginza– both of them feeding on the bentos Izuku packed them.

If it’s anyone else who hears it, they might be a bit concerned.

Maybe asking to hear it again to make sure that it /was/ a mistake, whatever it was they heard from the #2 hero.

Shouto swallows down a tamagoyaki, and shakes his head. “No. That’s a bad idea.”

He picks off a couple edamame and plops it in his mouth.

Bank security’s no joke nowadays. Department store?”

“Too many people. Too big to cover with only us. Jewelry joints?”

“Hm,” Shouto chews on rice in thought before shaking his head. “Those are hotspots, remember? They have these quirk-cancelling smoke machine dispensers.”

Katsuki swears and not even the tsukune Izuku packed in his bento manages to stop him from blowing up (another) his pair of chopsticks.

They watch the burnt remains fall to the bustling streets they’re due to patrol in a few minutes.

Shouto hopes, silently, that it isn’t an omen of whatever plans they have turning into smoke.

“You know if it wasn’t for your inability to stop destroying everything when you work–“

“I have a fucking /explosion/ quirk, dumbass!”

“–then maybe we could’ve afforded /at least/ a pagoda. That fits better with fireworks, you know?” Shouto finishes just as he dismantles another lock.

At this rate, they really /will/ succeed.

Maybe even have extra time to refine the details on the knock-offs Shouto managed to persuade (Katsuki called it blackmail) Momo into making.

“At least /I/ have a fucking reasonable reason, Icy Hot,” Katsuki rolls his eyes, already setting up a seller page in Otamart and Rakuma. “Not like your idiotic ass who got cut-off from /daddy/ Endeavor and doesn’t know what savings are.”

“Oh no, please don’t…” Shouto looks green in the face as he works on the cabinet still (really, Izuku, isn’t this too much security). “Don’t call my father that, Katsuki.”

“Ha? ‘Course I won’t, idiot.”

Katsuki scrolls through the way too complicated process of seller verification. “I already tried that and what did we get? A restraining order, that’s what.”

That’s definitely a trip down memory lane of the past month that they’ve been trying to il(legal)ly gain money for their engagement proposal plan that Shouto does /not/ want to remember.

The look of pure, utter terror on Enji’s face is something he’ll treasure for the rest of his life, but hearing his boyfriend call his father ‘daddy’ in an attempt to extort money is definitely only for /one/ lifetime.

Life is too short to be traumatized.

But not short enough for them to ultimately– after many attempts at getting loans (heroes die before paying); going for less extravagance (a ‘fuck no’ from Katsuki); and taking more shifts (another ‘no’ from their managers)– resort to finally getting past the last lock.

Shouto’s hand hovers over the latch, glancing at Katsuki. “Last chance, Katsuki.”

The blonde stares at his boyfriend with a deadpan expression that Shouto can be proud of, and presses the ‘Create Account’ button with a finality.

“We’re giving the shitty nerd that castle-fireworks proposal no matter what, Shou.”

“I still think we can do without the firewo–“

“What. Are. You. Doing?”

.
.
If there’s anyone to be blamed for this, it’s Shouto.

The man in mention sighs again, turning (with some difficulty courtesy of Blackwhip) to Katsuki. “Me again? /You’re/ the one who told me they were in town.”

Katsuki gnaws through the gag of black smoke until it gives way. “Oi, don’t dump your shitty mistake on me, Half and Half! The distraction part’s yours, and nicking security-hacking things from Support was mine!”

“But it’s /your/ mom who dragged my mom and Inko-san away to an impromptu trip.”

“Fucking– how the hell am I supposed to know she was gonna do that??”

Once again it’s only the wisps of black bindings around him that prevents Katsuki from blowing up Shouto’s ‘matter of fact’ face– as if it’s /Katsuki’s/ fault for not being telepathically connected with the old hag.

“Ha…” Izuku pinches the bridge of his nose, his other hand clutching the remains of one of Mei’s hacking devices.

He looks down at his boyfriends– the loves of his life, really– as they continue bickering about their very flawed plan in distracting him enough to /steal/ from him.

And judging from the notifications pinging on Katsuki’s phone, /sell/ his hard-earned merch too.

For what?

An extravaganza of a proposal that Izuku didn’t see any different from if these two idiots (/his/ idiots) proposed to him in a piss-stain alley, that’s what.

“You’re both really lucky I already bought the rings or there’d be no one to propose to.”

.
.
If there’s anyone to be blamed for this, it’s Shouto.

“You know, for once,” The man chokes out. “I think you’re right, Katsuki.”

Katsuki swallows around his dry throat, squirming futilely. “Of f-fucking c-course, I’m right, idiot.”

In the end, they got their goal– with the three of them wearing matching engagement rings; all adorned with turquoise, garnet, and ruby gems, the ring itself having an emerald-tone finish.

Everyone won in the end, no sad parties.

“This is your fucking fault, you goddamn popsicle. ‘Due punishment’, my ass.”

Except, of course, for the two grooms who remain bound to a corner of the room as they watch Izuku bounce on a Shouto dildo, and choke on a Dynamight dildo.

They watch, with a mix of happiness from the engagement to the love of their life and longing, as Izuku comes all over the bridal lingerie he wore.

Turns out those burnt chopsticks /were/ an omen.

ー終わり。END

I took too long in writing this cuz: (a) i wanted to try present tense and (b) tdbk’s so stupid lmao