Thread by @katherinefeeney

My first time…. #princessbride

Wow this movie escalated quickly … he’s dead and she’s about to be and there’s a loveless marriage and a giant. #princessbride

SHRIEKING EELS! THE CLIFFS OF INSANITY…! Goodness .. #princessbride

(I am going to hear “inconceivable” a lot right?) #princessbride

That’s totally Westley right? The ninja dude? The fella who loves her and was meant to be slaughtered by Dread Pirates? Are we meant to be in the dark about that? #princessbride

So the masked bloke who is clearly the love hero has been helped up the Cliffs of Insanity by a Spaniard who means to slay him, but not before a cheeky DandM about a dead father, a six-fingered murderer, facial scars, and fencing… is this a comedy? Romance? #princessbride

IN A STUNNING MOVE THE SPANIARD REVEALS HE IS IN FACT NOT LEFT HANDED… AND IN A SHOCKING RETURN SERVE NEITHER IS THE GUY WHO IS CLEARLY WESTLEY THOUGH WE’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT OR ARE WE? #princessbride

“Inconceivable!”

#princessbride

Now the Giant is up… can he kill the Man-In-Black… and he leads us to what could be The Line of the movie.

Giant: “why do you wear a mask?”

Man-In-Black: “it’s just that masks are terribly comfortable and I think everyone will be wearing one in the future…”

#princessbride

Oh we now see that the meanie Prince is hot on the scent for the woman he married even though she told him she didn’t love him. How are we meant to feel about this guy then?

#princessbride

Oooo now a battle of the minds… involving poison and goblets and blindfolds and a good ol’ game of switcheroo..

SHOTS!

#princessbride

Oh shoutout Australia… country of criminals and iocane !

#princessbride

Never get involved in a land war in Asia, and never get involved with a Sicilian when death is on the line. Profound wisdom. Profound.

#princessbride

Oh but if they are really in love.. why doesn’t he reveal himself to her? I am considering this when the dialogue reveals the answer… he thinks she loves the guy she married! Crazy! Love your husband? Naturally he must raise his hand in anger… #princessbride

How can she not know it’s him though honestly… clearly he’s not the Dread Pirate Robert’s #princessbride

Oh she’s gone and pushed him down the hill now.

Lol… and now she’s thrown herself down the hill…

Because she’s realised it IS Wesley.

Thank god girl.

#princessbride

Oh no not a kissing bit! (I’m with the kid)

BACK TO THE FIRE SWAMP!

#princessbride

This girl is on fiiiiiirrrrre

#princessbride

Getting deep Labyrinth vibes in this swamp… which one came first?

And which one is better… ?

#princessbride

On there was a big bit of dialogue there that I didn’t really follow… something something Pirates something Name something Fencing… but now QUICKSAND AND A FECKING HUUUGE RAT THING

#princessbride

Now they are heaving great sighs, covered in sand, but that big rat ain’t backing off, just like the little blonde rats tail on the back of Westley’s head.. CUE SWAMP RAT SURPRISE ATTACK !

#princessbride

Oh just bloody hit the thing girl!

#princessbride

Oh it’s ok now because a fire swamp belch has cooked the rat and Westley has pierced the creature many times with his sword!

#princessbride

Oh.. meanie Prince is here. She’s got him making promises. But he clearly doesn’t intend to keep them. In fact, he tells his offsider he won’t. Still, she’s scooped up and ridden off with, and Westley is left to face off against Number 2… A MAN WITH SIX FINGERS! #princessbride

Oh yay. A Crone.

#princessbride

Oh wait. It’s not.

#princessbride

Ooooo there’s a MACHINE

#princessbride

Oh she’s just got hitched. To MEANIE PRINCE…?!?

(Kinda thought they were already married tbh…)

Anyhoo- she does another awkward parade for the people…

And we hear from…

A CRONE!! (Finally)

(The only other female character thus far)

#princessbride

Oh. TRICKED BY THE SCRIPT! It was a dream.

#princesspride

Oh now meanie Prince is tricking her into thinking Westley doesn’t love her anymore. So this is very romantic gaslighting yeah?

#princessbride

Oh. Ok now Meanie Prince has confessed he intends to deliver his bride-to-be a painful, violent death. Goodness how aggressive…!

#princessbride

Now Six Fingers has Westley strapped to an evil torture machine. There are suction caps on his nipples.

#Princessbride

While Westley weeps on the sadist’s nipple sucking machine, Meanie Prince continues his murderous planning, and the common peasants clash with armed soldiers for some reason or another. So. Normal.

#princessbride

Oh no the Spaniard is back but he is drunk. But the Giant is back too and he is not. Win.

#princessbride

Ok now the Spaniard is sober and bloodthirsty.

#princessbride

(Oh it was the thieves forest)

#princessbride

Now meanie Prince makes a mistake in talking of their honeymoon to the Princess. He reveals he didn’t send ships for Westley like he promised her he would. She calls him out, he manhandles her, and then rushes down to speak to the poor nipple-sucker #princessbride

Having the suction cranked to Max Capacity is too much for Westley who screams loudly. The Spaniard and Giant somehow figure out who is screaming and why, but for some reason Princess is intrigued at best.

She’s a bit hopeless isn’t she…?

#princessbride

Wait. Westley’s dead? For real life?

“Jesus Grandpa what are you reading me this for?!”

#princessbride

Spaniard and Giant have taken the possibly not dead body of Westley to Billy Crystal’s house.

Lol.

This is so 80s.

#princessbride

Speaking of cast members… the Spaniard is so familiar but I can’t pick it….

#princessbride

OH ANOTHER FEMALE CHARACTER! This one yells a lot.

#princessbride

Ok Westley’s back. Sort of.

But of memory loss and numb limb drama but otherwise no drama.

And no dilly-dallying.

#princessbride

Oh wait- did I hear Holocaust..?!?

#princessbride

Ok no the sham marriage is on and I think I am finally going to hear the scene I have heard SO MANY TIMES actually play out in context!

#mawwige

#princessbride

Mmmm and are we ok with making fun of speech?

#princessbride

Ok I think they are married … but it feels a bit like Married at First Sight Married… just for show. In fact she’s being escorted to the honeymoon sweet, and there’s about to be a brawl so…

#princessbride

Now the Spaniard is in hot pursuit of Six Fingers, the Giant has lost Westley, and the Princess is doubting love and the meaning of life…

Inconceivable!

#princessbride

OH NO SPANIARD DOWN!

#princessbride

OH NO NO- HEARTBROKEN BRIDE CLUTCHES A DAGGER TO HER BOSOM AND CREATES THE PERFECT BOOB JOKE MOMENT

#princessbride

Oh wait- Spaniard is up!

Cue the next line I know from gifs and quotes from people who saw this film when it it was a new release VHS…

“My name is….”

(Go on, you know you want to…!)

#princessbride

Yes! Westley makes it quite clear she actually isn’t married for real life because she didn’t say “I do.”

Simple.

#princessbride

Oh nice stalling numb arms Westley…

#princessbride

And he’s up! Westley I mean. And she’s tied up Meanie Prince, and the Spaniard is back, but bleeding heavily, and the Giant has found four white horses.

Are we getting to a Happily Ever After?

#princessbride

And then…..

“What! What?!”

Oh. They snog.

The End

#princessbride

(Seriously?? That’s the end?!?)

#princessbride

Oh the credits!

Oh it is the end.

But the real message here was even snotty little kidlets who do nothing but play home video game machines can find joy in a good old book, lovingly read to them by a loving, wise, old member of their family…

Thank you 1980s 😜
#princessbride

If you want more #PrincessBride, join @AndrewLeavold and I for our #80sMoviesReviews on @abcbrisbane - Thursdays, 2.45pm.

What should we watch next?

(It has to be Romance)