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Comrade Kira Nerys Profile picture
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18 Aug, 6 tweets, 2 min read
Spent the afternoon flying high bc I was helping so many people understand ADHD, or realize they could have ADHD. Just rapid-fire answering questions & giving perspective. It's my hyperfocus so I felt capable & useful, I felt clear-headed & happy using my knowledge
Now it's night, the thread has died down, it's quiet & my drive is depleted. Now I just feel sad, bitter, angry, & scared. Because I know no matter how much I help others I can't help myself. I'm never going to get ADHD treatment. I don't deserve it bc my #NarxCare score is bad
I'm a reasonably insightful person. When I get into something its all-consuming. I put in expert level effort into learning everything I can. But I don't work or go to school bc I can't manage basic being alive routines. I can put together clear arguments, but not remember dinner
My RSD is always getting triggered bc I know I'm an intelligent, insightful person w good ideas, but I have the same degree of follow-through & emotional regulation as my toddler. I can't fix myself, I can't do anything. I can't get help bc the ADHD tanked my overdose risk score
Ugh and here I am having big emotions on Twitter dot com again, like an asshole.
Such a stunning number of afab people get misdiagnosed, spend years or decades on treatment that doesn't help bc they're misdiagnosed, finally figure it out for themselves & then have an eternal uphill battle for diagnosis and treatment. Gender bias in ADHD care is ruining lives

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Comrade Kira Nerys Profile picture
13 Sep
Diversion is often just patients who are most likely to be considered human beings in a Doctor's office- white, financially stable, employed, privately insured, cis, abled, preferably male- keeping their loved ones alive bc the medical system refuses to do so. We keep us safe.
Poor & marginalized ppl often have no choice but to stay alive, stay stable & functioning, off of the good will of people higher up on the socioeconomic ladder. You're uninsured or can't access effective treatment, so you covertly beg for help & hope that someone steps up for you
Rx drug diversion is almost certainly saving lives right now. The issues ppl seek drugs for- pain, ADHD- don't disappear if left untreated. Ppl are saving lives by diverting rx opioids, stimulants, even antidepressants to loved ones, instead of leaving them to seek illicit drugs
Read 9 tweets
Comrade Kira Nerys Profile picture
13 Sep
In retrospect getting impatient waiting for a taxi (an hour late when I left) & being so restless/uncomfortable that I walked nearly 3 miles home w a raging kidney infection, was prolly impulsivity? Usually anxiety steps up to stop impulsive me, but I just didn't care last night
I was mad abt the taxi, mad my partner insisted I go last night instead of going today (he was trying to help, I was in bad shape). I think the meltdown circuit got activated & adrenaline was like "fuck it, I'll get you home." I might've had other options, but didn't think abt it
That's how impulsivity can be for ADHDers. Sometimes impulsivity meets a valid need in an unreasonable/unhealthy way. Sometimes impulsivity sees a problem & pushes you in the direction of whatever you thought of first, bypassing more suitable options to get the desired result
Read 4 tweets
Comrade Kira Nerys Profile picture
12 Sep
I can only imagine what my medical records say. I used to go to appts & explain my issues through quips & comedic hyperbole. Being entertaining is a masking behavior ingrained by decades of undiagnosed ADHD, but later I discovered it's considered a red flag for "drug-seeking"
Although it feels like the moment I was diagnosed w bipolar (in a low-income clinic, rarely seeing the same disinterested provider twice) I became a "drug-seeker" regardless. I had been getting 30 5mg pain pills a month, that's when I got cut off, didn't put it together til now..
And at the time that was totally fine, I didn't argue, my pain from the initial back injury was finally improving, so makes sense. But then a few years later the undiagnosed endometriosis pain intensified. I was working a low wage job, made like $100 too much a month for Medicaid
Read 17 tweets
Comrade Kira Nerys Profile picture
12 Sep
I'd add that even if a person is using daily they may not need substance use disorder treatment. A person who uses opioids may be managing untreated chronic pain. Someone using meth may not be able to access ADHD medication. One-size-fits-all treatment is a poor fit for many PWUD
If a person has chronic pain that doesn't respond to ibuprofen, they luck into finding a safe supply of heroin or Rx opioids, they use a dose comparable to prescribed doses, their QoL improves, and they aren't using compulsively, how does that person benefit from SUD treatment?
If an ADHD patient can't access meds in a doctor's office but they can buy Adderall, they take it as if prescribed, they aren't using compulsively, and their life improves, how would that person benefit from SUD treatment? Their issue isn't SUD, it's untreated ADHD
Read 4 tweets
Comrade Kira Nerys Profile picture
12 Sep
I'm tired of showing up in a doctor's office, being polite, respectful, courteous, bringing as much info to the table as I can, getting minimal response from the provider, crying (bc medical PTSD) & then getting a lecture about my attitude & how treatment is a partnership
One time I showed up at an appointment with a list of topics and questions so I wouldn't start rambling and forget what I needed to talk about. The doctor laughed when I pulled it out, and warned me about Dr. Google. So maybe I'm not the one who needs reminding about partnership
That guy then proceeded to sell me 5 Epidural Steroid Injections, tell me there was no risk bc he's "very good," and then when I asked about diagnosis- the thing I was really desperate for- he said "oh don't worry about it" like it wasn't critical to my mental & physical health
Read 4 tweets
Comrade Kira Nerys Profile picture
11 Sep
"Can't prescibe first line stimulant medication for your ADHD because you might get high on them. So instead we'll fail to adequately treat your ADHD, leaving you to self-medicate and putting you at increased risk for substance use disorder" - psychs
People with ADHD should get to do whatever works for them. This shit is so uncomfortable, exhausting, frustrating, emotionally and physically painful. You just fuck up over & over again while people tell you how bad you're fucking up, and then at some point you die I guess?
I managed to avoid substance use disorder somehow, but goddamn I understand why my dad (who I suspect had ADHD as well) drank so much. Yeah, of course he did, ADHD is torture sometimes. NTs or ppl who were treated young tend to think it's harmless, but it can ruin your life
Read 5 tweets

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