Thread by @_MakingCents_

REASONS WHY COUPLES FIGHT OVER MONEY (PART 2)
1/ Use of money as a control mechanism.

Many women in particular do feel the fact that they do not earn as much or not earn at all is used against them in decision making.

A THREAD....

2/ Many stay at home parents do feel completely disempowered. Society has also drilled into us that the more money you have, the more power you should have. People do play different roles but money should not make one feel inferior and the other one superior in any way.

3/ It is not money that makes us equal in relationships. Look for the gaps in which money, consciously or subconsciously could be making somebody feel this way. Then figure out what structures can help with this.

4/ One of the stay at home parents I talked to told me that this finally got resolved in their relationship. She used to ask for money day to day, which was a nuisance to both of them, and was subject to so many forms of interpretation.

5/ Now she gets a fair lump sum allowance every month on a specific day that she manages for herself. If this issue goes unresolved, resentment which is a ticking time bomb will build up. Nobody likes to feel controlled or unable to make decisions.

6/ Lack of a common vision.
Since different people come into a relationship, there needs to be something binding them and helping them pursue a common path. This applies for money as well. It helps to have something that both of you are committed to achieving.

7/ It will then be a tad easier to compromise on certain beliefs or habits if you are both motivated and vested in a bigger vision.

8/ For example, it is easier to cut down on spending when you are committed to achieving something e.g. going on a holiday, buying a car, starting a business, creating a retirement fund etc.

9/ This is more effective than simply telling someone to stop spending because spending is bad. I would suggest that couples take time every year to outline goals and if possible keep reviewing them during the course of the year.

10/ Just like with anything in life, money dynamic in relationships changes. It is not a one off conversation and the topic has to be discussed as intentionally as we do children and other aspects of the relationship.

11/ Keep learning, going back to what works and revising what doesn’t. Do not expect perfection from anyone. It’s a continuous fine act of balancing personal independence and the common objectives.

12/ As you navigate this remember that on your deathbed you will not look at your bank statement but who is around you.

This article is by Waceke Nduati