'I hear what you're saying but remember there are two sides to every story.'
🧵 'Two sides to every story' is a common technique used to dismiss victims.
Actually there are as many sides to a story as there are involved parties.
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🧵 'Two sides to every story' is a common technique used to dismiss victims.
Actually there are as many sides to a story as there are involved parties.
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However, the more important point is: 'How many sides have you listened to?'
Because 'two sides' is used in multiple ways:
1. To refuse to hear other sides.
2. To stop other sides being voiced by implying the person is vexatious, unreliable or has malicious intentions.
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Because 'two sides' is used in multiple ways:
1. To refuse to hear other sides.
2. To stop other sides being voiced by implying the person is vexatious, unreliable or has malicious intentions.
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3. To make clear that the speaker has decided on which side they favour/believe- they are either not going to listen to the other side or will make no attempt to reconcile the accounts.
4. To imply that you have been mistaken in some way or misunderstood what happened.
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4. To imply that you have been mistaken in some way or misunderstood what happened.
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5. To imply that if there is blame, then there is blame at least on both sides.
6. To imply that if indeed things had happened as the victim says they did, then there must have been something that they did to have caused/deserved what was done to them .
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6. To imply that if indeed things had happened as the victim says they did, then there must have been something that they did to have caused/deserved what was done to them .
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6. Contd. Here, to resolve the incompatibility between the two accounts the speaker tries to construct a scenario in which they both make sense i.e. the actions of the perpetrator must make some rational sense in terms of the interaction.
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6. Contd. This is often done by assuming no intention to harm on either side at the time (thus privileging the perpetrator). This can get very sinister because one may have to come up with a lot that the victim may/must have done to deserve what they received.
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In case anyone is thinking of coming in to say that we should hear both sides, the point of this thread is absolutely not that. It is essential to hear all sides if we are to get a fair picture and we need to be very mindful that there are often more than two.
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This thread is about the times when someone to whom you have spoken about your abuse says to you 'There are two sides to every story...'
And if they happen to be your aggressor, speak to someone you trust.
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And if they happen to be your aggressor, speak to someone you trust.
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