Thread by @CATACLYSMICEVIE

Imagining modern AU HuaLian is so fucking funny, because you KNOW they’d be in high school and at LEAST once a week it would be like:

Hua Cheng: gege let’s get married 🥺

Xie Lian: !!! Okay 🥺

Xie Lian’s Parents: 👫

Xie Lian’s Dad: nO?!

Xie Lian: daddy I LOVE HIM

His Dad: he’s a PHASE

Hua Cheng: even if this one is just a phase for gege, that’s okay!!

Xie Lian’s Dad:

Hua Cheng: this one is just happy to be around him

Xie Lian’s Mom: oh, that’s SWEET

His Dad:

Mrs. Xie: he’s a sweet boy!!

Hua Cheng: 🥰

Mr. Xie: he’s a MENACE

Xie Lian: he makes me happy!!

Mr. Xie: how does he even have so many tattoos, he’s SIXTEEN!!

Hua Cheng: I did them myself!

Mr. Xie:

Xie Lian: …he’s an ARTIST.

Xie Lian’s Dad, cleaning three THOUSAND lanterns from their front yard after his son’s boyfriend made a grand gesture

Xie Lian: can San Lang stay with us for the holidays 🥺

His Dad: no, it’s family time.

His Mom: besides, won’t his own family miss him?

Xie Lian: he doesn’t have a family 🥺

His Mom: 🥺

His Dad: builds character.

Mrs. Xie: HONEY.

Mr. Xie, being forced to take holiday photos with his son’s goth boyfriend after his wife bullied him into letting Hua Cheng come

Hua Cheng trying so HARD to get Xie Lian’s dad to like him. Always helping out around the house. Being SUPER polite. Xie Lian is NEVER late for his curfew.

Mrs. Xie: how can you not like him??

Mr. Xie: he’s a pUNK.

Mrs. Xie: he’s like a perfect son!!

Mr. Xie: I ALREADY HAVE A PERFECT SON, alright?!

Mrs. Xie: …honey 🥺

Mr. Xie: forGET i said anything—

Mrs. Xie: he’s not gonna take our baby away from us 🥺

Mr. Xie: leAVE ME ALONE.

Mr. Xie: what do you want for your birthday this year?

Xie Lian: 👉👈

Mr. Xie:

Xie Lian: make an effort with San Lang? 🥺

Mr. Xie, taking Hua Cheng out on the most awkward, forced lunch of all time:

Hua Cheng: thank u for inviting me—

Mr. Xie:

Mr. Xie: so what are your plans for after high school

Hua Cheng: college

Mr. Xie: which college?

Hua Cheng: …a nice one?

Mr. Xie: what kind of career do you want?

Hua Cheng: a nice one?

Mr. Xie:

Hua Cheng: as long as I can give gege a nice lifestyle, I don’t care!

Mr. Xie: you’re just saying whatever you think I want to hear.

Hua Cheng: I would never be insincere with gege’s father!

Mr. Xie: really?

Hua Cheng: I swear!

Mr. Xie: is my son a virgin?

Hua Cheng:

Mr. Xie: the silence is deafening

Hua Cheng: I don’t think gege would want me talking about his private business like that

Mr. Xie:

Mr. Xie: are YOU a virgin.

Hua Cheng: *sweats*

The Waitress: your breadsticks are here!

Hua Cheng: *immediately stuffs his face*

In order to win him over, Hua Cheng starts doing stuff around the house.

Mr. Xie: alright, I’m going to change the water tank

Mrs. Xie: oh, Hua Cheng already did!

Mr. Xie: then I guess I’ll mow the lawn

His wife: already done!

Mr. Xie: …I’ll clean the gutters??

Mrs. Xie:

It backfires, because Xie Lian’s parents can obviously AFFORD to pay people to do stuff around the house, Mr. Xie just likes to do it hIMSELF and Hua Cheng (innocently, with the best intentions) is making him feel OLD and USELESS

Mrs. Xie: have you seen the new rose bushes?? So beautiful!!

Mr. Xie: how amazing.

Mrs. Xie: look at the way he detailed the car!! It’s better than a professional!

Mr. Xie, through clenched teeth: fantastic

Mrs. Xie: he built a NEW FRONT DOOR?

Mr. Xie:

And it’s hard enough, to have your son dating a boy that’s over a head taller than u. Hard enough, that his wife asks Hua Cheng to open the pickle jars before she asks hIM when HC is in the house.

But one day, Mr. Xie walks in on Hua Cheng in the shower and becomes a broken man

Mrs. Xie: honey?? What’s wrong??

Hua Cheng: *is hiding inside the front of Xie Lian’s sweater*

Mr. Xie:

He throws a FIT when Xie Lian says he wants to go into religious studies in college, like “How are you going to SUPPORT YOURSELF? You’ve become accustomed to a certain lifestyle—!”

Xie Lian: well, San Lang said I can do whatever I wanna do, and he’ll take care of the rest! 🥺

Mr. Xie: well what is HE going to school for?!

Xie Lian: he’s going to art school! (◕‿◕✿)

Mr. Xie:

Mrs. Xie: honey…

Mr. Xie:

Mrs. Xie: honey, stay calm…think about your blood pressure—

Mr. Xie: ART. SCHOOL.

And most people who don’t get along with their son in laws complain about them being dead beats. Losers. Not having job.

Mr. Xie’s complaints don’t go over well at the country club.

Mr. Xie: what kind of artist is ACTUALLY SUCCESSFUL?! How is he DOING IT?!

His friends: uh

Mr. Xie: did you know he picked up DAY TRADING to make extra cash??

His friends: wow, a hard worker!

Mr. Xie: that’s what he WANTS me to think

His friends: or he’s just a nice kid??

Mr. Xie: He’s just trying to lure me into a false sense of security.

His friends: …for WHAT?

And ya know it’s takes TEN YEARS for Hua Cheng to realize his father in law actually LIKES him, because Qi Rong is acting like a moron and heckling Hua Cheng at a family reunion, and Hua Cheng is on his best behavior so he’s IGNORING it, and Mr. Xie smacks Qi Rong upside the head

Qi Rong: uncle???

Mr. Xie: would you leave my kid alone already??

Hua Cheng: but Xie Lian isn’t—

Hua Cheng: oH

Mr. Xie:

Hua Cheng:

BONUS:

Xie Family camping trip when HuaLian are still in high school, and Mr. Xie looks up from struggling to build a fire JUST in time to see a shirtless Hua Cheng catch a fish with his bare hands while Mr. Xie's wife and son jump and cheer for him

And he's like

BONUS:

The only ally Mr. Xie Had in his battle for his son's SOUL was Feng Xin, Xie Lian's childhood best friend. (Mu Qing is also on their side, but no help)

But a few months into them dating, Mr. Xie finds out Feng Xin and Hua Cheng ARE KIND OF BONDING and he's like

in the beginning they were THE DYNAMIC DUO. THE ANTI HUA CHENG SQUAD.

NOW he's finding out that Feng Xin and Hua Cheng PLAY XBOX LIVE together and that they're IN A GROUP CHAT. They share MEMES.

Mr. Xie: a GROUP CHAT. With the ENEMY.

Feng Xin: ...Look, Mr. Xie, I--

Mr. Xie:

AND!

The first turning point with Hua Cheng and Mr. Xie comes when Xie Lian goes through a bit of a rough patch in college, develops this really toxic friendship with an older TA while be and Hua Cheng are long distance (HC is a year below him)

And HC and Mr. Xie TEAM UP

Mr. Xie: look, you know I don’t like you

Hua Cheng: :( yeah

Mr. Xie: but there is one thing I like about you

Hua Cheng: !!

Mr. Xie: your obsession with my kid is less creepy than that guy’s

HC: …that’s fair

Mr. Xie: if YOU told him to stop talking to the guy, Xie Lian would listen

HC: I always let gege make his own decisions, even if I don’t agree :(

Mr. Xie: …can u make a man disappear

HC: THAT, I can do

Mrs. Xie: why are you taking to our son in law like he’s in the mafia??

Mr. Xie: stop calling him our sON IN LAW they AREN’t MARRIED!!

Hua Cheng: yet

Mr. Xie:

Hua Cheng:

(To this day Mr. Xie totally thinks that Hua Cheng MURDERED the guy) (in reality, Hua Cheng just catfished him on Instagram and proceeded to blackmail him into moving to another city)

But THEY DID BOND OVER IT