Thread by @gaygeeknerd

HELLO! This turned into a bigger thread than I thought it would but I think it’s a good little look into some mindset things and how weird Twitter can be and feel. This is how it feels to me. Maybe it’s not reality. But this is how it feels. THREAD 🧵

I miss being able to take part in conversations regarding fandom and specifically queer fandom. I see so much wild stuff in the fandoms I’m a sort of that I’d love to give my perspective on but it’ll be wildly taken out of context and perceived as a subtweet which is sad.

I made this account originally to be anonymous and try to find queer friends when I had just come out. I was trying out a new name at the time and everything. But I didn’t want to feel dishonest once I started working in a space which had its own queer fandom.

Can I tweet about what’s happening on The Morning Show and how interesting it is to show that difference of what being out can mean to different people? And how it feels like no one is wrong? In several tweets? And my perspective on it? Without tagging every tweet to add context?

Probably not. Someone will see a section out of context, see my name attached to it, and assume it has something to do with CR. And the wider implications of what it would mean in that case taken out of context. Which would probably be wrong and honestly a problem.

I’m just tired of having to play a mental game of chess when wanting to talk about something that is foundational to me, that means a lot to me.

I’m also tired of feeling like my queerness no longer belongs to me. Like people can use it to mean something to them. It’s mine. Stop taking it. It’s why I didn’t share my coming out story in the hashtag day. Of my followers, only a few are really interested in me.

The rest care about what it means to the company I work out. Like if I talk about how I asked for they/ them pronouns in a meeting and came out first at work, the responses will center the people I work with, because they’re largely the people those who follow me care about.

I don’t want to be your proof of a good company culture honestly. I don’t want to be a bullet point in someone’s presentation on diversity. No one knew who I was when they hired me. They’re good people. But I’m frustrated at being a talking point in an argument.

For many, the reason for following me is to be one less step removed from the “celebrities” (my friends and coworkers) that are admired. Commenting on my stuff has a chance of being seen and interacted with by them, right? Feels like an easier way to get noticed.

Responses to the things I care about that have nothing to do with CR end up centering CR and characters and inside jokes from there. Which are often great and funny, but sometimes I want to talk about my own stories.

Random things I tweet or things I carry about get dramatically less engagement than anything CR, which to be fair is probably because they’re less interesting. I get that. But sometimes numbers get in your head.

I hope this is coming off patient and factual because that’s how I’m writing it now. I’m not really mad about it. I’ve accepted it. There are moments when it’s hard. When I want to be seen as me, or more than a small piece in one big awesome thing that I love being a part of.

To be very honest, I just feel like I have a lot of followers that have no interest in me. And I’m really cool. So if you’re not here for me, I would like to very gently ask that you move on.

I’ll still tweet fun CR things, I’ll still be a chaos goofball with my coworkers and friends on Twitter, I’ll still love the story and yell about it. I just ask that you see me apart from it and care about me apart from it too.