Let’s talk about the core wounds that trauma survivors with #ADHD often struggle with. 💬
Many folks with #ADHD have also experienced some kind of developmental trauma. We often see neglect and emotional abandonment especially when caregivers are unable (or unwilling) to offer competent support for their neurodivergent child.
The impact of this is so real. And as a coach and as someone who has lived with both, I’ve seen some common challenges that surface for #ADHD survivors of trauma.
Some of these core wounds sound like:

♥️ Self-esteem struggles: If my caregivers don’t understand me — and are unable to offer love and support to the authentic, real me — does that mean I’m broken or unworthy?
➕ The work: Unlearning the belief that we are fundamentally undeserving of care and love.
👥 People-pleasing: Maybe if I can meet all of their demands, desires, and needs, I’ll be good enough to earn their love.
➕ The work: Leaning into the discomfort of setting boundaries and respecting our own capacity, all while trusting that others will still stay and love us even if we can’t be everything to them.
🔥 Burnout: It might exhaust me completely, but I need to keep up appearances and not let anyone see me struggle.
➕ The work: Being vulnerable enough to allow others to see us when we’re struggling to cope; calling on our support systems when we need them instead of trying to manage everything alone.
💔 Rejection sensitivity: Am I just going to end up hurt again? How can I ready myself for the rejection I know is coming?

➕ The work: Trusting that those who are here for us will not be scared off or put off by our true selves. Rejection is not inevitable.
🏃🏻‍♂️ Demand avoidance: Doing what’s expected of me is painful; I can’t take care of myself or others when I’ve never experienced someone properly taking care of me.
➕ The work: Grieving the support and life skills that weren’t given to us as children; nurturing our inner child so that “adulting” doesn’t feel triggering.
These are just a few of the themes I’ve noticed in trauma survivors with ADHD.

Oftentimes, we are perfectionists driven to perform in hopes of securing the unconditional care and love we didn’t receive as young people.
I wanted to share some of my observations in the hopes that it might be helpful to ADHDers who have experienced trauma — especially emotional abandonment by caregivers, which is so common in our community and yet hardly spoken about.
IMO: This is also why ADHD clinicians need to be trauma-informed, too.

It’s not enough to just address executive dysfunction. Our hearts deserve true healing, too, which begins and ends with deep self-acceptance work.
Anyway. I talk about these topics a lot on Instagram as well. Feel free to hop over there to see what folks are chatting about — I’ll be replying to a lot of questions there!

Same handle, samdylanfinch. 💗🧠

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More from @samdylanfinch

13 Oct
When I was in the ER to get support around medical complications from my eating disorder, the nurse asked if I'd tried intermittent fasting.

"Maybe it'll help you regain a sense of control," she said.

Medical professionals, for the love of all that is good... don't do this.
If you don't know a lot about eating disorders, maybe this recommendation will seem completely innocent to you.

But it's not. Telling someone with an eating disorder to restrict their food intake is almost certainly going to lead to a relapse.
The fact of the matter is, there's no discernible difference between my anorexia and what others call "intermittent fasting."

The only difference is that one of us starves ourselves on a specific schedule.
Read 6 tweets
11 Oct
Please stop saying that Daphne Dorman, trans woman comic that appeared in Dave Ch*ppelle's earlier special, was driven to suicide by bullying from ~The Left.~

It's just not true, on so many levels. And it's disgusting to use her as a pawn in this conversation.
For context, Daphne and I knew each other. And we spoke about mental health openly, including Daphne's own struggles with depression and the toll her divorce took on her and her family. I don't want to go into great depth, because she deserves privacy right now.
It sickens me that TERFs are using her death as some kind of shield for Dave Ch*ppelle. As if she were just a prop and not a human being.
Read 7 tweets
7 Oct
I was just in a psychiatric hospital and I can’t emphasize enough: this pandemic has been traumatic for so many people.

*Everyone* I spoke with cited lockdown as the stressor that tipped the scales and led to their crisis.

If you’re struggling, please know you aren’t alone.
If you’re feeling hopeless, overwhelmed, burnt out, or depressed — as if there’s no end in sight — you are far from alone. I met people from so many walks of life who felt that COVID completely derailed the life they used to know.
A lot of us disconnected from the hobbies, routines, communities, places that once gave our lives purpose and meaning. This pandemic has rendered many of our lives unrecognizable.

If you no longer feel like yourself, & are struggling to keep your head above water, I understand.
Read 7 tweets
29 Sep
(CN: eating disorder relapse)
.
.
.
Just wanted to let my Twitter community know that I’m waiting for admission to treatment for an anorexia relapse. ♥️

The pandemic really derailed my recovery. I’m hoping that crisis care will get me back on track.
I am: scared, guarded, but hopeful that healing is possible for me.

And grateful for all the support around me. It’s moved me in ways I don’t have words for. 🍓
I’m also leaving my handle here for anyone who feels called to chip in. Treatment is extremely expensive, and truthfully I’m not sure how I’m going to afford it, but I also can’t afford to die.

Venm0: SD-Finch
Read 4 tweets
19 Sep
Eating disorders are so wild.

There are so many clear indications that I have an ED. And I've been diagnosed by countless professionals, some of whom I still see on a weekly basis for treatment.

And I still have plenty of moments where I'm convinced I don't/everyone is wrong.
The denial part of having an eating disorder is so disorienting. "How can you not see it?" ...I don't know.

My brain is just constantly seeking the explanation that will make things okay. Because things *need* to be okay.
Today, I don't have an eating disorder because I wasn't hospitalized (the partial hospitalization doesn't count, either), because it's just anxiety/stress, because I could still eat ice cream, because I didn't weigh myself obsessively— because look, LOOK! I'm not like them.
Read 10 tweets
16 Sep
I’ve been so depressed and overwhelmed that I deleted my mailbox on Animal Crossing

I can’t even handle fake correspondences about Sherb the blue goat’s favorite food
I am “No Wendy I do not want to pretend to be pop stars with you right now” levels of burnout
I know my self-criticism has reached a new level when I start beating myself up for not reading PRETEND MAIL
Read 4 tweets

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