Based on cursory reading, it’s possible that vasopressin is responsible for bonding while under stress. Oxytocin helps us bond during love and happiness which would not activate under stress. But vasopressin can bond to oxytocin receptors and help us connect when stressed.
Vasopressin is also more prevalent in male mammals, especially social mammals. That may explain why men bond better during shared stressful activity like war while women bond better during emotional vulnerability.
This appears to explain further why men bond best while protecting or providing for) their loved ones. Acting out of love is vasopressin while loving in leisure is oxytocin. We already know men don’t bond through sex via oxytocin like women do, but do bond through stress trials.
This appears to explain the human need for both security and excitement in human pairbonding. It joins the couple through both oxytocin and vasopressin. Refreshing each in their turns can extend the life of the bond.
This appears to explain why after trauma a person may bond almost exclusively through vasopressin even if they struggle to bond at all through oxytocin. Their brain learns to bond only through stress.
This may explain why some women with severe early life trauma struggle to bond to their children, since women bond with their children largely through oxytocin especially at vaginal birth and through breastfeeding.
This passage may explain why some traumatized men who’ve experienced little kindness in life may “soften” to everyone when they have someone they love who can provide them with oxytocin, for example a child or patient partner.
Low oxytocin, decreased lactation? Might explain stressed moms struggling to produce milk.
Your life experiences change your oxytocin and vasopressin reception.
Protection and defense of self tied to vasopressin which is higher in males. Males and females respond chemically different to that need to defend.
Ever heard a traumatized veteran say they wish they could go back to the war? This may be why. Their anxiety actually goes down in those environments once they’ve been conditioned to them.
This passage explains PTSD aggression and insomnia in men.
Here’s where men and women differ. After orgasm, women bond to their partner via oxytocin. But men appear to bond through vasopressin which makes them sexually protective of their reproductive partner. She says “We’re so in love” and he says “Nobody touch my stuff.”
Oxytocin not only makes you feel close to certain people but may make you more likely to want to be close to more people. Does a lack of oxytocin produce the opposite desire?
This passage may explain why young people today are not seeking relationships. Their pathways may be blocked so they just don’t seek bonds.
Excessively high doses of oxytocin at birth makes females later prefer strangers. 🤔
This may explain why a person who receives very little love and who finally enters an oxytocin-generating relationship may become hyper-jealous and protective of their mate.
If anyone reading needs a primer on oxytocin.
Here is why women may be more sensitive to PTSD after trauma.
Translation: oxytocin can make you faint or dissociate when stressed in order to protect your life.
This passage suggests that women who are abused or neglected early in life may become afraid of oxytocin-generating relationships because they’ve been conditions to fear emotional closeness and the perception of safety.
Better oxytocin within your group may make you less accepting of outsiders. Does less oxytocin make you more receptive? Does that explain insular family communities versus urbanite acceptance of foreigners?
Apparently the lonelier you are the harder it is to feel connected to new people you meet.
The wife is getting worse. She's been unreasonable for years, but now she's plain mean.
Her husbands wants to make things better. But he can't get past her spiky armor. And he gets blamed for everything.
What can he do to turn this around?
Here's what works: 🧵
This awful dynamic is confusing for most men. They just want a loving relationship, and they try every tactic they can think of, but nothing works. She just gets WORSE.
I've seen this problem thousands of times in my 15 years of experience working with couples.
The cause is...
Huge incompatibility that was never detected (but CAN be corrected, sometimes).
When they got together, he was usually insecure. Anxious, nice guy, people pleasing. He wanted to make her happy.
She was anxious but controlling. Not too bad, just a bit.
Emotional intimacy isn’t just for women—it’s crucial for men too. But many men struggle to engage in emotional discussions because they feel overwhelmed, confused, or unsure of what’s expected.
Ladies, here’s how to meet his needs while fostering connection for both of you. 🧵👇
Men are often taught to avoid emotions or “deal with it alone.” But emotional intimacy plays a key role in his well-being. It helps regulate his nervous system, improves his focus at work, boosts his sex drive, and strengthens the relationship. Let’s break it down. 👇
Why emotional intimacy matters for men:
It lowers stress and cortisol levels, making him calm and focused.
It improves sleep, mood, and overall productivity.
It allows him to process challenges with your support, leading to better solutions.
Your wife’s low sexual desire is frustrating. You’ve tried everything—flowers, gifts, vacations—but nothing works.
Here’s the truth: it’s not about romance or material gestures. It’s about emotional connection.
Let’s dive into what that means and how to rescue her libido. 🧵👇
For most women, desire isn’t just physical—it’s emotional. When she feels safe, understood, and connected to you, her libido increases naturally. No amount of fancy dinners can replace the emotional intimacy she craves. But this works like 🔥
Let me explain why this works. 👇
Women’s desire is linked to oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Oxytocin rises when she feels loved, supported, and emotionally connected.
Oxytocin = Libido
The stronger her bond with you, the more likely she is to feel desire. Emotional intimacy is the key to unlocking this.
At first glance, these needs seem different—but they’re connected. When a husband feels peace, he naturally creates safety. When a wife feels safe, she naturally brings peace.
Let’s explore how to meet both needs. 🧵👇
For husbands, peace means respect, calm communication, and a sense that their efforts are valued.
For wives, safety means emotional security, consistency, and trust.
Both needs stem from a shared foundation: working together as a team. Here's how to do that in a few steps:
Step 1: Recognize the cycle of peace and safety.
When a husband feels disrespected, he withdraws. When a wife feels emotionally unsafe, she becomes critical. Breaking this cycle starts by meeting each other halfway. Both of you need to lead with empathy.
On the surface, these needs seem different, but they stem from the same root: trust. When trust is strong, peace and safety grow naturally.
Here's how to meet both needs and create a passionate, fulfilling marriage. 🧵👇
For men, peace means calm, respect, and a lack of chaos. They want to come home to a partner who values their efforts, communicates clearly, and works with them—not against them.
Peace isn’t passivity, it’s teamwork.
For women, safety means emotional and physical security. They need to feel heard, cherished, and supported—like their partner has their back no matter what.
Safety isn’t control, it’s trust in your partner’s commitment and care.
Ladies - Does your marriage feel cold? Like you’re just roommates, or stuck in a cycle of grumpiness?
Most husbands in cold marriages report two things are missing: respect and desire from their wife. When he feels those are missing, he shuts down.
Let’s break that cycle. 🧵👇
Men thrive on respect—it’s not just a nice bonus, it’s ESSENTIAL. When they feel respected, they open up emotionally, become more affectionate, and invest more in the relationship. And your respect and desire go hand in hand.
Here’s how to show both. 👇
What respect looks like to men:
Valuing his efforts, even when they’re small.
Speaking to him with kindness, not sarcasm.
Showing trust in his decisions or expertise.
Acknowledging his role in the relationship.