Thread by @gesisson

🧵 November is National #Adoption Awareness Month. Adoption should be safe (mentally, emotionally, physically for adopted people & birth parents), legal (with protections for everyone involved), & rare (if we are supporting pregnant people and families as we should). #NAAM

Domestic adoption is largely rooted in the resourcelessness and powerless of first/birth families. This will be a 🧵 with direct quotes from the women I interviewed for my current book project; I’ll add to it throughout November. All of these participants relinquished since 2000.

My work is about considering what adoption within a reproductive justice framework would mean. Importantly, all my participants terminated their parental rights at their child’s birth, and these adoptions were not due to state intervention in their parenting rights.

Emily was parenting a son that she had at age 15, when she got pregnant again at age 19. (1/3 of her story)

"I wanted him, I was going to keep him. That’s how it’s going to be. I was going to get a job, and I started going to school because I wasn't qualified for any jobs."

"I didn’t need my parents; I didn’t need anyone else. Me and [my older son] and the baby were going to make it. Then, when I was about 17 weeks pregnant, I was doing my homework in the car at the grocery store because they have free Wi-Fi, and I just burst into tears." (2/3)

"I just realized that I couldn’t take him. I couldn’t take care of him."

Emily relinquished her son at birth in 2006. She received pictures by mail from his adoption parents for two years. She had not had contact with them for 2 years when I interviewed her in 2010.

I interviewed Diana twice: once in 2010, and once in 2020. She had relinquished her son in 2009, so just a year before our first conversation. (1/8)

In 2010: "I think every adoption should look like mine... When Jackie [adoptive mom] tucks him in bed at night, it's, "Mommy loves you, Daddy loves you, Diana loves you.” There are pictures of me in their house. It’s like I’m part of the family." (2/8)

In 2020: "I feel a whole lot different about the adoption. I see it now as really unnecessary, unfortunately. But, you know, we are where we are and have been making the most of it where we are and where we stand." (3/8)

In 2010: "I've become a peer counselor, and mentored a few different women who have been considering adoption." (4/8)

In 2020: "I kind of regret my work peer counseling at this point, honestly. It was still back when I was very much in the fog of the intensity, and really needed to believe that it was better than it probably really is." (5/8)

2020, continued: "I actually got disinvited from another birth mother support group that was created by an agency, because I was a little too honest. The social worker who faciliated it wanted to keep it very 'sunshine and rainbows.'" (6/8)

"I'm not like 100% antiadoption, by any means, but I want to be able to be honest about the reality of it and I don't think it's the happy, shiny thing that a lot of people want to make it out to be, especially when you get into Christian organizations, unfortunately." (7/8)

"I was in the group one week, and the social worker asked: if we could give any advice to a pregnant person considering adoption, what would it be? We all said: 'Don't.' She was not really very happy with us, and I don't think any of us got asked back." (8/8)

Gabrielle had her son when she was 23 years old; he was 8 years old when we spoke in 2020. She had seen him only once after leaving the hospital when she gave birth to him; she had not heard anything from his adoptive family for five years. (1/5)

"I never considered parenting. It felt impossible given my situation. I was just so poor at the time. I would've needed maybe a thousand dollars for my life to change – just a small amount of money would've probably changed my entire world. It's weird to think of that now." (2/5)

Before even picking parents, the agency ladies talked to me about openness, and I was able to just select from a few options. It didn’t feel like true openness was an actual option. They asked, 'How long do you want to stay in touch with your child and their parents?'" (3/5)

"The options were one year, two years, five years, etc., and I just wrote until age 18 – you know, always. They said I could get some pictures and a letter every six months or every year, and that's pretty much what they offered me." (4/5)

"I was like, 'Oh, yeah, of course. I don't want to bother the parents too much.' I didn't really know what else to ask for. I didn't feel like I was in some position to make a bunch of demands. I felt really low about myself." (5/5)

I will add more through November; in the meantime, go follow @SOSadoption @MPowerAlliance @FauxClaud @birthmombri @birthmothermem1 for more birth/first mother voices. (I'll share adoptee voices soon.)