Thread by @Vancbromycin

I’ve decided I’m quitting my fellowship. There’s too much COVID, too much death, too many tears, too much anger and now politics in the ICU.

Life is too damn short to hold on to something that’s causing me pain, and leading me down the path of being an angry burnout… 1/?

I’m tired of watching 90% of the patients die, begging me to keep them alive before I intubate them knowing they’re toast. I’m tired of holding up an iPad so a family can say goodbye. I’m tired of people screaming at me for ivermectin, or peroxide, or plaquenil 2/?

Most of all I’m tired of seeing so much death, and being expected to keep going like there’s nothing wrong. I can’t and I won’t do it anymore.

Maybe once the pandemic is over I’ll try again. I still love pulm and crit care. I just hate what COVID has done to a field I loved 3/?

Maybe once we go back to being able to save people, I might apply again.

For now though, I have to step back and take care of myself. For now, that means being a hospitalist or an internist, and I’m very much ok with that. 4/?

If you see me apply to your program in the future, it means I’ve healed my wounds and thickened my skin and I’m ready to try it again.

If I don’t apply again, it means I tried with everything I had, and the pandemic taught me different priorities.

5/?

For now - I’m starting a new job in a town that’s close to family and friends. I’m excited to be an attending finally, and excited for what the future holds.

Is this the path I expected? Nope. Is this the path I needed? Absolutely.

6/6

As if it’s a sign from above that I’ve done the right thing: the new ABBA album just dropped on iTunes.

If you need me, I’ll be dancing to it all night.