Undue influence isn't JUST about cults.
Undue influence is any act of persuasion that overcomes the free will & judgment of another person.
An area of undue influence of particular concern to me is the undue influence of children exerted by a parent...against the OTHER parent.
Undue influence is any act of persuasion that overcomes the free will & judgment of another person.
An area of undue influence of particular concern to me is the undue influence of children exerted by a parent...against the OTHER parent.
Experts in the field refer to this as "Parental Alienation." Common behaviors include:
-Bad mouthing the parent to the child.
-Encouraging a child to call the targeted parent by their first name.
-Sharing inappropriate information (even if it’s true) about the targeted parent.
-Bad mouthing the parent to the child.
-Encouraging a child to call the targeted parent by their first name.
-Sharing inappropriate information (even if it’s true) about the targeted parent.
I became more familiar with this topic from Dr. Amy J.L. Baker. Dr. Baker has a PhD in developmental psychology and is an expert on parental alienation. She has authored or co-authored 9 books and 120 articles and provides training to legal and mental health professionals.
Dr. Baker has identified 17 primary parental alienation strategies. These strategies can be divided into 5 general categories. They include:
-Poisonous messages to the child about the targeted parent in which he or she is portrayed as unloving, unsafe, and unavailable.
-Poisonous messages to the child about the targeted parent in which he or she is portrayed as unloving, unsafe, and unavailable.
-Limiting contact and communication between the child and the targeted parent.
-Erasing and replacing the targeted parent in the heart and mind of the child.
-Encouraging the child to betray the targeted parent’s trust; and
-Undermining the authority of the targeted parent.
-Erasing and replacing the targeted parent in the heart and mind of the child.
-Encouraging the child to betray the targeted parent’s trust; and
-Undermining the authority of the targeted parent.
If you are a parent who is currently alienated from a minor child, here's a few tips:
-Do what you can to reach out to them to REMIND them you love them, even if they are hostile and rejecting towards you. The hope is that love will eventually melt hatred and fear.
-Do what you can to reach out to them to REMIND them you love them, even if they are hostile and rejecting towards you. The hope is that love will eventually melt hatred and fear.
-Write letters to the child and keep a copy (even if the child will not see them).
-Set up a website. Doing this may be emotionally beneficial for you in the present, and also creates a record that can be shared if contact is restored.
-Set up a website. Doing this may be emotionally beneficial for you in the present, and also creates a record that can be shared if contact is restored.
-Reach out for support to others who understand your situation, like the International Support Network of Alienated Families.
If you are an adult who was alienated from one of your parents in your childhood and might consider learning more about this phenomenon by listening to others who had been alienated, please do! I did an interview with a woman who was told at age 4 to never see her mother again.
She & her sister agreed to track their mother down and hear her side of what happened. Good things might happen!
I know all of these situations can be terribly taxing but there's hope. In my 45+ years of doing this, I've seen countless relationships repaired. There is a way. 🙏
I know all of these situations can be terribly taxing but there's hope. In my 45+ years of doing this, I've seen countless relationships repaired. There is a way. 🙏
If this topic resonates with you, I interviewed Dr. Baker in this week's blog. You can watch the entire interview at the bottom of the page. :) freedomofmind.com/parental-alien…
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