Thread by @CultExpert

Are you getting together with family this Thanksgiving? Are you WORRIED because some of these family members have extreme/irrational beliefs?

If you're interested and invested in learning HOW to help these family members OUT of these extreme beliefs, this thread is for you! 👍

BEFORE YOU INTERACT WITH YOUR FAMILY MEMBER:

1. Start with YOU. Do your homework. Research cults and mind control. My books are a great comprehensive guide, but my website is also filled with fabulous (free) information. freedomofmind.com

2. Realize that helping a person will be a process requiring patience, effort, flexibility, & love. Arguing or debating doesn’t work. Criticizing the leader, doctrine or policy makes people feel persecuted. Assisting people to reevaluate requires a different communication toolkit

3. If possible, try to understand their value system and motivations. What are their values? Are they concerned with “safety,” “tradition,” “fiscal responsibility?” Though you likely will disagree with them, try to get “inside” WHY they believe the things that they believe.

4. Build rapport and trust. For you to be effective, the person you wish to assist must TRUST you. If your relationship is fractured, before attempting to employ any of my suggested methods for a Strategic Interactive Approach, work to first rebuild your relationship...

If you were the one to break contact, apologize. Reach out and be warm. Focus on common values & areas you both enjoy (children, pets, sports, cars, etc). Agree to both avoid controversial topics. Just try to connect with the other person and have positive warm interactions.

TIPS FOR INTERACTIONS:

1. Pretend you are an impartial therapist. Good therapists listen and don’t react when their client says something outrageous yet they are able to still push and ask thought-provoking questions. Step into this role! This is the mindset you want to embody.

2. Adopt a general tone of curiosity & interest in their positions. Communicate that you have NO intention to debate. You just want to “interview” and understand how they tick. Make it fun. Act like an inquisitive (impartial) reporter who only wants to understand what they think.

3. Keep conversations positive, productive, and civil. Never get angry. Stay resourceful. It is better to end the interaction than to get upset and say something counter-productive.

4. Try to connect them with their authentic identity. Remind them of the good times you had together before their extreme beliefs. Try to take them back in time (through telling old stories, etc.) to the person they were before these new extreme beliefs.

5. Ask thought-provoking questions while being warm and curious. Be prepared to listen deeply. You will know if you have listened well if you can repeat back to them what they said. Be humble and open to hearing what they say.

6. Share feelings and perceptions, not judgments. Use “I feel” statements. Don’t claim to be “right.” Stick to what your perception is when reflecting back to them.

7. Make your goal understanding, not “winning.” Conversations should never be competitive or about scoring “points.”

8, Don’t “tell” them anything. The best way to persuade someone is to help them to persuade themselves. Help them make discoveries on their own.

9. Understand their value system and make gentle suggestions if you notice inconsistencies. Kindness doesn’t mean you can’t push or ask questions or point out inconsistencies in their positions. Just be sure to do so in a way that doesn’t cause them to completely tune you out!

10. Don’t stage interventions in front of other people who haven’t done the preparation you have. There’s nothing worse than finally making progress with your loved one and having someone on the outside getting defensive and derailing the whole conversation!

11. Try to get them to look at reality from many different perspectives. Hypothetical questions where they embody a belief they don’t have is good practice. Model this by doing this yourself with their belief.

12. Teach them about indoctrination and mind control using examples they have NO attachment to, help them to discover that the manipulative techniques they decry with cults like Scientology are strikingly similar to techniques practiced by the cult they follow.

13. Remember, more facts don’t always help. Do not overwhelm them with information, especially if it attacks the leader or doctrine.

14. Ask a question and then wait for them to think and respond. You do not need to FILL silence. Pauses are where the thinking happens.

15. Lead by example. Model this technique for your other family members. Encourage others to keep the conversation positive if you see things going astray.

And that's it! This is just an abridged guide-for a FULL guide, my book "Freedom of Mind" is key-but this should help.

If you want to read all of these tips in ONE place, I put them all together in my latest blog. 👍
freedomofmind.com/help-a-family-…