Thread by @Mimi3828

So while I work towards becoming a kick ass tv writer, to pay the bills I “work in hospitality.” At a v fancy hotel. Which means I’m working today. And oh man nobody hates their fam more than the rich 😬💰 💀 #HappyThanksgiving2021?

I’m standing trying to take the order as this couple debates what sides to get

Him: I want the spinach

Her: you can’t have spinach

Him: it’s thanksgiving!

Her: that doesn’t mean your kidneys are suddenly fine

Him: all i had today was three hard boiled eggs!

Her: that doesn’t make spinach ok!

Him: fine

Her: fine

Me: so no spinach?

SAME TABLE

Him: can I have another piece of bread?

Her: you don’t need another piece of bread

This seems like a happy marriage

PROPS to the men who bring escorts to thanksgiving dinner.

At 3pm.

(Diff table lol)

(Btw the escorts that frequent my place of work are my absolute favorite ppl to wait on, they have better manners than anybody else here)

PSA: if you want a sweeter wine than an off-dry Riesling, but also you don’t like dessert wine, you might just not like wine.

And that’s ok.

Back at that first table, he calls me over, asks where the wagyu is from, i tell him Idaho -

Him (to Her): see! I told you. It’s from Idaho, it’s not good wagyu.

Her: ugh, you’re so rude

Him: this place is rude!

Beat.

Me: are you still enjoying?

Him: never have

😬😬😬

She’s happy with her meal at least 🤷‍♀️

He leaves the table

Her: this is why I never go anywhere with him

THE VEGANS HAVE ARRIVED

As they do every year, because this is Beverly Hills.

And every year the chef is like

So I get to be like - ok so you can have this salad with nothing on it or this risotto with nothing on it

p.s. that’ll be $200 thaaaaaanks

New guest: I’m gluten free

Me: great, so ::explanation of all menu items and their gluten-ness::

NG: ok I’ll have the steak

Me: and then we’ll just replace the gnocchi with butternut squash (gnocchi has gluten)

NG: oh But I really like gnocchi, it’s ok I can have it

Me:

Yayyyyyy for whisper fighting at tables

So the whisper fight table is this WASPy family of 4 - mum, dad, adult daughter & son. The sniping is in FULL FORCE. The dad is going at the daughter for overfilling her lips, she’s about to cry

Tbh he’s right but like do you have to say it?

Today?

While im waiting on you?

Ope now she’s unloading about how they shipped her off to boarding school - skeletons coming out of the closet tonight!

Aaaand she is now dry-heave-crying in her…brothers lap.

WASPs are wild.

NEW TABLE

Grandparents and kid sit down. 2 empty chairs - I assume for the parents.

Kid: I want lemonade!

Grandma: oh yeah that sounds great! But I can’t order one for you because last time your mommy got mad at me. So we’re gonna have to wait for her.

Boooo the grown son (dad of the lemonade-deprived child) calls his mum (the passive aggressive gma) “mommy” no booooo

Don’t be like this man.

And it is time for the last seating - the 8 o clock seating!!! Or as I like to call it, the sorry-we’re-out-of-this-this-and-this seating cuz the kitchen always likes to assume the same amount of ppl will order salmon as turkey LOL

But also its kinda on these ppl for booking thanksgiving dinner at 8pm that’s just weird

Alright, we’re all in. Only one “scene” really - the crying girl with the big lips turned some heads.

But otherwise fairly chill. Now just gotta wait for everyone to GTFO so I can go home to my whisky and cup o noodles.

#HappyThanksgiving

Fin.