Thread by @RichyCraven

So I have another Christmassy M&S story.

Before we start I feel like I need to throw a caveat that this is not a nice family tale like the last one. So lower expectations accordingly.

This is the direct-to-video sequel with none of the main actors.

As I said in the other thread, I worked in the Home & Gifts dept. Around Christmas they expanded the gift section to include a line of toys.

The toys were actually pretty cool. They were a mix of own-brand stuff and then a bizarre mix of licensed merch.

I'm not sure what kind of IP negotiations led to M&S being the main supplier of Postman Pat and Tellytubbies merchandise.
I may never know.

Looking back, it's basically the same sort of stuff that you'd get in the middle aisle of Lidl these days but at the time (2006ish) Lidl was but a gleam in the eye of Angela Merkel (or someone, I'm not sure who runs Lidl).

One Saturday, the manager comes to me with a plan. I'm to take one of each of the more expensive toys and set up a little display area near the doors where I would demo the different toys and let the kids have a go.

It was a pretty straightforward plan. Kids play with toys. Kids beg mum for toys. Mum buys toys. Mr. M&S buys private Island.

At the time I thought I was chosen for the job because, as the youngest one working there, my youthful energy would help me connect with the kids.
Looking back, they may just have wanted me to stop popping all the bubblewrap at the tills for one shift

That was how I passed 90% of my time there.
There were sheets of the stuff for wrapping plates and stuff.

So, I grab the toys, scrounge a Santa hat from somewhere and set up Richy's Emporium of Christmas Wonder™️.
The toys were actually pretty good and I was secretly delighted to finally be able to have a go with them.

There were a few different types of RC car (RRP 25-68 euro). An infrared shooting gallery (RRP 42 euro, additional pistol sold separately), a voice-changing microphone (RRP 38 euro) and a pair remote control sumo-wrestlers (RRP 55 euro. Not suitable for children under 8 yrs).

I start out, full of Christmas cheer and youthful naivety, driving the RC cars around and talking to kids with the silly voice microphone.

After a while, it starts to attract a crowd.

I can't emphasise how quickly this got out of hand.

If I had to pinpoint the moment I knew I was in trouble it was probably when I heard a Mum say "Okay, Fionn, Nuala. I'm going into the food hall and I will pick you up on my way out."

It was kind of like a Pied Piper situation except the parents didn't seem to want them back.

Before you can say "unlicensed creche" I was suddenly in charge of over a dozen unaccompanied minors.

I'm pretty sure staff from other shops were dropping their kids in before their shifts.

As I mentioned in the other thread. This was M&S in Dundrum at the height of the Celtic Tiger. It was the Posh Mothership.

And posh children are, not to generalize, complete monsters.

I had initially established an ad-hoc,Turn-based rota based on the honour system on the different toys. This was quickly replaced by a Lord of the Flies style arrangement where only the strong survived*

*Got to play with the red remote controlled car.

Very serious children in gilets and size 2 Dubes would come up to me and say things like "She has had four goes of the gun game and I've only had six" and then give me a look that said "What are you going to do about this?"

They are probably running the country by now.

No kidding, one of the mums came back and, as I was trying to keep one small boy from pistol whipping another with a plastic gun, complained that "Toby said he didn't get a chance to play with any of the toys."

Towards the end Richy's Emporium of Christmas Wonder™️ had become The Somme and I was basically just doing an impression of Matt Damon from the end of Saving Private Ryan.

Eventually they broke all the toys and I was allowed to stop.

"Surely, Richy. You are exaggerating and they just broke *some* of the toys."

They. Broke. All. The. Toys

One kid threw the remote control on the ground in a tantrum. Another stepped on the sumo wrestlers by "accident" after he lost. The shooting range gun was never seen again.

I imagine the combined stickiness of all the kids just eventually overwhelmed the electronics of the rest

I still get flashbacks any time I see one of those Attenborough docs where an ant colony strips an antelope carcass to the bone.

That evening, after my dad politely inquired why there was a RC-car-shaped indent in my forehead he laughed at my explanation and said words that have stuck with me to this day:
"Tell me about this Christmas Eve waste sale again."

I like to imagine that they have a klaxon in the M&S PR office that goes off when I do one of these.

This feels a bit of a gear-change considering the firm anti-child stance I appear to have taken in that thread butif you liked this ,and you have the means, why not throw some money here (or homeless charity of your choice) this Christmas?

barnardos.ie/how-you-can-he…

Is it too late to change the opening of this thread to "I have another ChristM&Ssy story"?

I'm so mad at myself

If you liked either of these stories then there's a high chance you'll like my novel that's out April 2024 and available for pre-order.

Unfortunately, It does not feature M&S because I fear their legal team too much.

linktr.ee/richycraven