Thread by @alljiangzongzhu

"You idiot, don't you understand when to stop?" Song Lan was scowling more than usual as he cleaned the floor of Xue Yang's trashed room. He didn't like to scold Xue Yang when he was like this, but the issue at hand was too concerning.

https://twitter.com/songxues/status/1466553649501401089

Xue Yang had a lot of issues, a lot of trauma, Song Lan knew that when they got together. Xue Yang acted out a lot, but he was relatively tame. It wasn't until they went shopping together once that Song Lan noticed Xue Yang bought candy more than real food.

He thought it was because Xue Yang was younger than him, a childlike urge he hadn't kicked, but then Song Lan noticed that Xue Yang finished the large bag of hard candy without a couple weeks. That was when he realised why Xue Yang was so tame save for the sugar.

Xue Yang used it to cope, it distracted him from his depression and the ptsd of abuse. It brought him comfort somehow, Song Lan didn't expect Xue Yang to explain. If it helped him out, it was better than drugs or self harm.

Until it wasn't, until right now.

Xue Yang's room was trashed, like he'd thrashed around without abandon and threw whatever, wherever. The floor was littered in candy wrappers when Song Lan ran in to check on him, and then he saw Xue Yang, crumpled on the bed, vomit on the blankets, on his clothes and face.

Xue Yang's limbs were shaking violently, and Song Lan could only tend to Xue Yang and his room before assessing what was happening. Xue Yang had eaten so much he got sick, his sugar was too high after a quick check, but not high enough for a hospital visit.

Water and only water, glass after glass until Xue Yang needed to stumble out to piss, Song Lan taking advantage of the empty bed to strip the blankets and sheets and freshen them up. Xue Yang took a while, Song Lan went to check, Xue Yang was sobbing into the toilet.

He'd missed it, and then fell to vomit again, so now he was covered in vomit, snot, tears and his own urine. Song Lan's expression had softened, had helped Xue Yang clean up, swathed him in a towel and then a soft robe when he continued to tremble, and helped him to his room.

Once on the bed, Song Lan had continued to clean, leaving them where they were now, Xue Yang curled up in bed, hugging his knees, wrapped in the robe too tightly. Song Lan sighed at the silence, Xue Yang was rarely silent.

Resting the broom against the wall he walked over to the bed and sat down, to which Xue Yang immediately found him, crawling into his lap, avoiding looking at him. Song Lan rested his cheek against Xue Yang's hair, letting him stay quiet. His one hand rubbed Xue Yang's back,

the other held Xue Yang's hands, his thumb rubbing over his knuckles. There was a long silence before Song Lan whispered, "I thought you were dead... You could have died... I don't... know what I'd do if you had..."

Xue Yang only made a small noise, shrinking further into Song Lan's arms, balling up smaller. Song Lan was sure Xue Yang understood by the way he grabbed at Song Lan's hands. He took solace in the fact that Xue Yang no longer trembled. "We can... talk about it when you're ready."

Xue Yang nodded again, pressing his nose against Song Lan's neck, his breathing steadying out.

"Yeah..." Xue Yang started, "later 's okay... Jus' don't leave righ' now..."

"Don't worry, Chengmei, I'm right here."

-end 🥺💕