I snuck behind the service entrance and found a bunch of fruit trees, and now I have to sneak back to my hotel room without anyone knowing I stole their lemons.
@thatbilloakley I feel like you might know a little bit about lemon tree theft and could really use your help on this, buddy.
Found a secret path that might get me back to my room undetected! If I don’t tweet again today, it means I died in here.
Snuck through the north hotel buildings completely undetected! Now to make it to the south building.
Anyone know what these berries are? Safe to put these in my pants?
Think I found a back entrance? So far so good.
SUCCESS! I’m in the south building, but I was almost spotted. There is a person with a large wagon right outside my room so I’ll need to wait this out next to the ice machines.
I made it! Look at all the fruit I fit in my pants! Now I’m going to eat them in the shower like a motherfucking champion.
So eating oranges in the shower was not as fun as I anticipated. I mean, it was fine, but not great.
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I missed my connecting flight so I have to stay overnight at O'Hare and let me tell you guys being practically alone in an airport is fucking AMMAAAZZZIIIIINNNNGGG.
If I was rich, I'd buy plane tickets but never go anywhere just so I could hang out in the airport overnight. I'm hanging out with the custodial staff, skipping down the moving sidewalk, finding little secret nooks I can pretend are forts. This is the BEST.
OH AND THEY'RE PLAYING CHRISTMAS CAROLS ALL NIGHT LONG IT'S A WINTER WONDERLAND BITCHES
The @AthleticBrewing press trip ends today and I JUST remembered I can take pictures of my #Pokemon at this fancy hotel where the cheapest room costs $899 a night. Let me know your favorite Pokémon and if it’s in my Pokédex, I’ll send you pics!
Zekrom’s in the lounge and he is DTF
Muk is most DEFINITELY staying here for the drugs.
I heard there are pomelos somewhere on the property so I brought my bag to this fancy beer pairing dinner and will go sneaking around after dessert. I don’t even want to eat these things. Im addicted to the thrill of the hunt.
I had to sneak through another bush and duck under some stuff, but I found fruit!
Got back to my room and housekeeping arranged my pants fruit so pretty!
This hotel has a croquet area where I saw a bunny, so I will be ignore everything @AthleticBrewing has planned while I chase this bunny around the property.
This is the first press trip I’ve ever been invited on and it’s probably going to be the last, isn’t it.
Lest you people think I’m joking I am absolutely hiding in a bush at a 5-star resort looking for a rabbit while holding a copy of Lord of the Rings.
I've struggled with sobriety since I was a teenager, and not having adult-ish non-alcoholic drinks added to the difficulty. I'm now 40, 6 years sober, launched a weekly n/a drinks column on @thetakeout 3 weeks ago, and now have emails from SEVEN MILLION BEVERAGE COMPANIES.
Note that this isn't a complaint--I'm ecstatic, but angry it took so long. In both my careers, in the food industry and now in food media, I've literally been laughed at when bringing up the topic. But how does it make sense the ONLY liquid that can go with food is wine?
I'm sorry, but if you're a chef/somm/whatever, your job is understanding flavor, and having an imagination. Out of the countless thousands of liquids fit for human consumption, only the alcoholic ones could be on restaurant menus for like 100 years. C'mon.
In high school me and a friend stumbled upon this guy performing on some god forsaken cable channel, and saw a musical number that would change our lives—and our friendship—forever. I’m going to see if somehow the internet preserved it. In the meantime, enjoy the album covers.