I'm a professional software engineer. Heavy gearhead, totally technical.
Socially, I spend time with VERY few other people in this bucket.
Although I'm not at all OPPOSED to being socially close with other techies, I think the fact that I'm not isn't a coincidence.
/1
Socially, I spend time with VERY few other people in this bucket.
Although I'm not at all OPPOSED to being socially close with other techies, I think the fact that I'm not isn't a coincidence.
/1
There're a few pieces to this.
1. My lockdown pod comprised friends who, by chance, didn't code.
Over time I realized the relief of knowing that the dinner conversation would not turn to my work or my industry.
/2
1. My lockdown pod comprised friends who, by chance, didn't code.
Over time I realized the relief of knowing that the dinner conversation would not turn to my work or my industry.
/2
Not only would I not have to choose whether to argue with or ignore M*skies, B*zos apologists, and the like...
...I could actually, for a window of time, forget that they even existed, because they just wouldn't come up.
/3
...I could actually, for a window of time, forget that they even existed, because they just wouldn't come up.
/3
But there was more.
Programmers disproportionately possess this annoying habit of injecting, REGARDLESS of the conversation topic, a subtextual intellectual pissing contest.
Who's gonna get in the zingiest zinger, the cleverest pun? Who's gonna "well actually" who else?
/4
Programmers disproportionately possess this annoying habit of injecting, REGARDLESS of the conversation topic, a subtextual intellectual pissing contest.
Who's gonna get in the zingiest zinger, the cleverest pun? Who's gonna "well actually" who else?
/4
At those dinners, I knew it wasn't gonna happen.
Lemme be clear: I'm not issuing a normative judgment on mannerisms. There's nothing WRONG with people doing that, and a lot of them find it fun. Me, I find it exhausting. Don't wanna deal with it more than I have to.
/5
Lemme be clear: I'm not issuing a normative judgment on mannerisms. There's nothing WRONG with people doing that, and a lot of them find it fun. Me, I find it exhausting. Don't wanna deal with it more than I have to.
/5
2. I know this take is white-hot: The average programmer ain't especially progressive.
Even the ones with pronoun pins and bio roses are prone to comments that assume their superiority over baristas, sex workers, or bus drivers.
Look, I don't mind talking through...
/6
Even the ones with pronoun pins and bio roses are prone to comments that assume their superiority over baristas, sex workers, or bus drivers.
Look, I don't mind talking through...
/6
...ideological differences. But IME, friends in other professions are a little more honest with themselves about where they stand on sociopolitical issues.
That makes those issues easier to talk about because people aren't so precious about their imagined moral high ground.
/7
That makes those issues easier to talk about because people aren't so precious about their imagined moral high ground.
/7
Tech is really preoccupied with the idea that it's saving the world, so techies have a harder time saying "yeah I know crypto is burning the planet but I want to retire early so I've got $ in it"
They have to pretend they don't know the first part if the second part is true.
/8
They have to pretend they don't know the first part if the second part is true.
/8
3. At work, techies' bread and butter is to optimize, streamline, remove blockers—often HUMAN blockers. That's the job.
It grinds my gears when they apply the instincts that make them good programmers or businesspeople to social functions.
/9
It grinds my gears when they apply the instincts that make them good programmers or businesspeople to social functions.
/9
Like, sorry, I don't want to fill out your Calendly to go on a date with you. If that is the only thing that works for you and all other time-finding methodologies are just inaccessible to you, cool, but we two aren't gonna date.
/10
/10
Don't send me a Google form to plan a party. Find the people you MUST have at the party, and plan it on a group text with them. Then tell ancillary guests like me when the party is, and if I can come I will come.
/11
/11
The tech is there to REDUCE the friction of human interaction. I don't care to optimize the human interaction out of my human interaction.
It's fine if our coordination is slow and weird and quirky. I'm talking to you because I think it's cute. Don't take it away.
/12
It's fine if our coordination is slow and weird and quirky. I'm talking to you because I think it's cute. Don't take it away.
/12
4. I'm including this one even though it's gonna seem obvious: I code for work, and then extracurricularly at times of my choosing. I don't love surprise code at times not of my choosing.
Like at the bar. Talk to me at the bar about your feelings or something.
/13
Like at the bar. Talk to me at the bar about your feelings or something.
/13
That's true even for someone like me, who does A LOT of extracurricular codey things.
It might even be especially true for someone like me. As I'm working through this, I wonder whether this contributes to why I mostly socialize with non-programmers.
/14
It might even be especially true for someone like me. As I'm working through this, I wonder whether this contributes to why I mostly socialize with non-programmers.
/14
Anyway, I don't know why I'm sharing all this other than to be like "You know what, you're not alone if you're noticing these things. Maybe it's fine to not feel so bad about them. They're not good or bad, they just are, and maybe that's okay."
15/15
15/15
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