Thread by @michaelharriot

How Fox News would've covered Jesus

A thread.

The hosts at "Fox & Friends" would employ their method of lying without really lying.

Brian: People are saying the parents went to Bethlehem's nicest hotel and demanded a free room!

Ainsley: I'm hearing that they broke into a manger

Brian: That's also what people are saying

Brian: Hotel officials said there was no room at the inn, but I bet the left will claim it was racism.

Ainsley: Why would anyone bring a child into the world if they can't afford a motel?

Doocy: Yet he was dressed in "Swaddling Clothes," which I think is an urban fashion brand

Of course they would immediately get someone on the phone to defend the new Executive Order on undocumented minor immigrants.

"Look, it's King Herod's job to protect our country and the only way to do it is to kill all the firstborn sons. You can't be soft on terrorism."

Why isn't anyone singing "Joy to the world" for white kids from two-parent homes who were responsible enough to make a reservation at the inn? We shouldn't praise the actions of these irresponsible parents.

Oh great, another brown kid who doesn't know who his father is.

And you know Greg Gutfield will have some of those lame "I'm-not-a-bigot-but..." jokes:

"Three brown men bringing gifts to a white baby? Sounds like human traffickers. I've heard this story before when it was called 'To Catch a Predator.' Where's Chris Hansen when you need him?"

Then they would push unfounded claims from Facebook that Joseph and Mary's terrorist ties. Thats why we need a travel ban. If these refugees didn't have anything to hide, why did they flee to Egypt?

Of course, when he started talking about the living by the sword, dying by the sword, and the meek inheriting the earth, they'd say he was a radical leftist inspiring violence. Plus, you know they'd call him a thug when he started hanging out with his gang of "disciples"

Judge Jeanine: Funny how the guy whose mother was impregnated by another man wants to stop stoning adulterers.

Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Christ. It's easy to tell people to love their neighbor when you don't own a home. Leave it up to the criminal justice system!

Laura Ingraham:

I'm sorry, but no one wants to listen to some unqualified minority who got into carpentry school on affirmative action.

He wouldn't need to heal the blind & cure leprosy if he told his followers to get a job so they could afford healthcare!

Hannity: He's performing unauthorized medical treatments. Where'd that wine come from? I'm calling on Pontius Pilate to investigate how he got funding to feed a multitude with only 5 loaves and 2 fish. And what are they teaching?

Cruz: You can't spell Christ without C-R-T

Years later, they'll claim they loved him while quoting him & telling you what he "would have wanted." They'll never admit that he was criminalized for leading protests & undermining authority. The cops HAD to nail him to a cross...

He kept resisting.