Thread by @TheBrometheus

"Adam my marriage is cold and my spouse resents me. Sex is rare. What can I do?"

My DMs, email, and comment sections are packed with people asking me this. Their marriage is stuck and they want to get better but don't know how.

Here's a thread of my best resources to fix this.

Number 1, Let me show you what a good marriage looks like. If you've never seen one you can't imagine a solution. You need to know good from bad in order to do better or ask for changes.

Here's my guide to improving a marriage and how it should look.

While watching that video you may say, "This stuff sounds hard. How can I open up like that? I get nervous just thinking about it."

Chances are you might have attachment issues. Most people who have them don't realize it. Here's a guide on attachment.

You may watch that and realize that you, your spouse, or both of you have attachment issues. If so, you might wonder how big of a role that's playing in your struggling marriage.

Here's an explanation to help you figure that out.

For men especially, they may feel like their wife resents them but won't explain why. This is what I call the "Exhausted Wife, Bewildered Husband" phenomenon. She's miserable and he doesn't want to rock the boat.

Here's why she really resents you.

All of this struggle, not only in your marriage but in other relationships too, may leave you feeling exhausted. Hopeless. Depressed.

Here's the mental mechanism for why that happens and how to fix it.

Women in challenging marriages may feel a huge spike of chronic anxiety. Because when your closest relationships aren't right, nothing else feels right. And if that's been your whole life you may never have learned what low anxiety feels like.

Here's why.

The best first step is to fix any attachment issues you have. I published a $5 guide on Amazon that clinicians across the US use to treat attachment in their patients. It's 100 pages. There's a 2-hour audiobook. Couples can listen to it together.

amazon.com/Slaying-Your-F…

One huge benefit of fixing attachment is decreased latent stress. That means you can react calmly to conversations instead of defensively. Here's more tips to do that so you can build healthy relationships as you heal your attachment issues.

The good news is that fixing attachment issues happens inside relationships. This will vasopressin bond you to the people you heal with.

Here's a guide on why men especially connect that way, and why healing attachment makes everything else better.

You may want to build more relationships after fixing attachment, but it seems terrifying. It's hard to push past the fear.

Here's the neurological explanation for why that's happening and how to overcome it.

You may reach a point where you realize you don't know who you really are. You've spent so much time pretending to be someone you aren't that you haven't built up your real self.

Here's how to fix that right now.

Fixing all of this weaves back into fixing your marriage.

Here's how you apply all that you've learned above to building a strong marriage that's bulletproofed against affairs and divorce.

Here's how you turn your better attachment into better sex with your spouse than you've ever experienced before. These tips are 100% emotional intimacy and are proven to boost the female sex drive in a loving relationship. Just fix the attachment first.

If you hit a snag in your process, if it feels too overwhelming, or if your spouse refuses to engage and solve the attachment issues in the marriage, here's my top 5 tips for busting through the block and determining if your marriage is able to be saved.

Men especially, if you want to build your wife's attraction to you as a man, start with emotional discipline. Because if she can't respect you, she won't desire you.

Here's why that matters and how to fix it.

A bad marriage means bad attachment in the kids. This leads mothers to resent the fathers and blocks them from repairing the marriage. It also tears your heart out to see your kids anxious and afraid.

Here's how to help your kids with attachment.

Wives looking to bond more deeply and get emotional investment from their husband need to learn how he bonds during sex and how it's different from how you bond.

This guide will have him singing your praises. Be careful, because he'll get addicted to you.

You may fix your attachment and feel like you want more friends. Maybe you've never had any and don't know how to make them as an adult.

It's easy. Follow this guide right here.

And that's the process. You walk through these guides and apply them in your life, and you should build stronger attachment that makes everything else easy.

Share them with your spouse so you have a shared language. And a mutual goal. It's easier if you pull together.

Enjoy. 🥂