Thread by @pptsapper

Welp, I finished grading. I got my booster, so I'm kinda out of it. My coworker gave me some awesome rum-filled eggnog.

Guess I'll lay in bed and watch "Patton" because it's been a while since I had a good laugh

It's important to remember that Patton did not have George C Scott's gravelly voice. He had almost an academic, nasally, higher-pitched drawl

And that makes all these lines absolutely *hilarious*

Real Cold War flex going on here, using M-60s as US tanks versus Soviet T-55s as German tanks. This will never not crack me up

Ya know, when they brought back the pinks and greens, they should've brought back the thing where you tuck the tie into the shirt for the Class Bs

We brought back all the dumb parts of that uniform, none of the good parts

Ah yes - Patton and "battle fatigue" in the hospital in North Africa

The movie conveniently leaves out the part in Sicily where he says that post traumatic stress is an invention of the Jews

The movie does kinda nail the sticky bits of fighting inside an alliance, with the tensions between the Brits and Americans

As Churchill of all people said, the only thing worse than fighting with allies is fighting without them

Oh goody, El Guettar where we don't see the actually bloody and close in fight that it was, with German tanks inside the 1st ID perimeter, where it was actions like MG Terry Allen that kept the line intact, not Patton's hissy fits that he threw anytime things didn't go his way

I, uh, wasn't aware that 105mm shells from M7s were enough to halt Panzers with HE. Amazing. And here I thought it had to be 155s. And antitank guns firing high explosive, too. Who woulda knew.

Love the infantry fighting in *lines* too

Monty absolutely WOULD be the type of person to ambush someone in the bathroom to tell them their great plan

Extroverts

Ugh

Time for Patton to go running off to Palermo for...no real actual reason, really, something the movie should've made more clear. Diverted troops from actually fighting the Germans.A brutal slog that Patton never seemed to actually understand...

Part of the reason that the 1st ID utterly blanks him for the remainder of the war. Like, doesn't ever acknowledge him. That, and for Patton and Bradley firing MG Allen as well as TR Jr, on Sicily

Lucius Truscott was 10 times the man Patton was. When he turned his back on the crowd at the dedication of the US cemetery in Italy to speak directly to his fallen men, to apologize to them for if anything he did led them to where they were now...a man who gave his whole self

The movie shows one of Patton's slapping incidents - there were two. The one pictured in the movie is the one where Patton is in almost a sympathetic light, with a soldier suffering from "nerves." The 2d one was to an artillery NCO suffering combat exhaustion, who...

...hadn't even wanted to be evacuated in the first place but had lost control of many of his motor functions. Patton slapping a seasoned veteran pissed off a lot of people. After the incident, he himself suffered a nervous breakdown - ironically, prob from combat fatigue

Bradley at first didn't report these incidents to Ike, but word got back. And whoo boy, was Ike PISSED. here he is, trying to keep an alliance together, plan the invasion of Europe, and here's one of his sr commander's acting like a toddler, arguing with peers & striking soldiers

Now imagine this speech where Patton is apologizing but no one laughs or responds AT ALL. That was how the 1st Infantry Division treated Patton when he came around on his apology tour

Troops weren't even allowed to have weapons with them

Also, imagine being this O-5 whose whole job is making a 3 star feel good about himself...

Lol, Georgie, you didn't get skipped over for command of Overlord because you slapped a soldier, it's because you WEREN'T AS GOOD A GENERAL AS BRADLEY

egomaniacs, making everything about themselves

Lol as if Jodl is worried about the allies attacking Greece, where they could totally not actually have enough room to maneuver

I mean, Churchill was the one who wanted to do that. Or, other random ass spots in the Balkans that didn't make sense, as Marshall told him non-stop

Patton does indeed shine as 3rd Army commander - except for his inability to comprehend logistical constraints for, you know, the rest of the entire allied force fighting in Europe off a shoe string supply line because of all the wrecked ports

Was...was than an M48 painted up as a German tank? Two tanks named for Patton, fighting it out?

I can't tell if this movie was just done on the cheap or is deliberately trolling us

Neufchateau gets a shout-out, I forgot! Training site for the AEF in WWI

The Ardennes offensive is always one of those examples of shitty Nazi strategy...they were tactically, good. But strategic hot garbage. Thank goodness

The blood letting in the Huertgen, now that was the US' fault. However, it did at least see such a shortage in riflemen that African American soldiers were integrated into white infantry units

Horrible that death had to force us to do the right thing

Omg I forgot what a cold war product this movie was - the portrayal of the Russians as a bunch of barbarians

Like, the Soviet general that Patton is dissing was one of the army commanders at Kursk - KURSK, ffs

Bradley and his "it won't be enough just to be good soldiers, we'll have to be diplomats and administrators"

Uh, that's like, been the history of all officers in the US Army since June 14, 1775, Brad. It's just that we never want to be reminded of that reality.

Gonna have to go watch some Band of Brothers to clear my palate from that. Oy vey.