Thread by @Delafina777

Okay so

one of the things I learned while doing my parable-commentary-debunking website was that the oddest parable details were popular art subjects

Simon's Dinner Party in art, a thread

First up:

Pierre Subleyras, Christ at the House of Simon the Pharisee, c. 1737.

all these artists seem to imagine Shimon having a visiting rabbi over for dinner like it was a WILD party

love the serving boy right in the middle looking at the camera like "are you SEEING this shit?"

The young lady attending to Jesus's foot is in an attractive state of deshabille, and VERY focused

all the other women in the painting, even the servants, are, of course, side-eying her HARD

Except for this one maid who's like, got work to do and just CANNOT with these bitches

maybe it's a boy, honestly, can't tell

anyway, good effort, 6/10 unguents

next up we've got Bernardo Strozzi, Banquet at the House of Simon, c. 1630.

some very fun details in this one too, like this standoff between a cat and a dog, both ignoring the angry lady whose dinner they're presumably fighting over

also the judgy lady and even JUDGIER baby in the background, wow

We've got a fallen woman here who isn't so much attending to Jesus as IMAGINING attending to Jesus

can't tell whether she's awed or horrified at his bare feet, her expression could go either way honestly

Simon is all "I thought I told you not to bring any groupies to this party, Josh"

And Jesus is all "sorry bro she just showed up"

very nice, 11/10 silver platters purely for the cat and dog

next up, our first entry with anything resembling decent interior lighting

Paolo Veronese, The Feast in the House of Simon the Pharisee, 1570

More scuffling dogs and cats, LOVE IT

also a weird small child emerging from a tiny portal to Greek Narnia in the middle of the room that apparently no one else has noticed except maybe his nanny?

penitent lady is super into Jesus's feet

Jesus is all "yup, it's good to be the king"

old dude appears to be checking out Jesus's cleavage question mark

gotta be at least one judgy lady per painting, sorry, I don't make the rules

it has a cat, so I award it 11/10 hair-dried toes

okay next is

Luca Signorelli, Christ in the House of Simon the Pharisee, c. 1490

I dunno, this one isn't nearly as fun and everyone looks like a cadaver

lady's putting some perfume along Jesus's part

honey it doesn't work, I've tried it, it makes your hair look greasy

Jesus seems super put-out about the whole thing

judgy dudes this time instead of judgy ladies

Simon's all hrmph hrmph my good fellow

I award it 3/10 anachronistic doublets, no cats, missed opportunity

Next up

Artus Wolffort, Christ in the House of Simon the Pharisee, early 1600s

I love this one, look at this poor lady's face, she's been having A DAY

The guy next to Simon adjusting his glasses so he can take in this whole thing better, *chef kiss*

Weird monk dude lurking in the background, looking at the camera like he's on the Office

this dude, who's totally into what's going on here and hoping it's indicative of the direction this party is going

no cats, but we do have a doggo, A for effort

Jesus just sort of shrugging defensively, like what do you want me to do

Simon's I'm not mad, Josh, I'm just disappointed face

so much personality, 9/10 anachronistic headgear

runner-up

Claude Vignon, Christ in the House of Simon the Pharisee, c.1635

weird tut-tut expression from Jesus, weird how Simon is so much more tan than the rest of them, I'm sure it's not Orientalist or anything, no doggos, 2/10

also runner-up

Phillipe de Champaigne, Christ in the House of Simon the Pharisee, c.1656

cuddly lady, adorbs doggo, Simon can't be bothered, Jesus is all "look she just showed up" 6/10

there's like a million more, apparently EVERYONE painted this scene but I gotta sleep