Thread by @shaunjlawson

1. Never give someone a piece of advice which if you're wrong, could screw their life up.

https://twitter.com/johnpavlovitz/status/1477129179896455177

2. Empathy does NOT mean "well I wouldn't do that in their position!"

You don't know what you'd do in their position, because you are not them, with all the complex forces which made and shaped them. Walking a mile in their shoes MEANS that - or at least trying to.

3. I would never be part of any club which would have me as a member.

4. Life is not just a series of milestones or achievements in which you progress upwards. It's much more like snakes and ladders.

5. Nobody ever achieved anything in life without making tons of mistakes along the way. So celebrate them!

6. Your job in life is to f*** up. So start f***ing up.

7. Most people are a mixture of good and bad. Judge the action - but within reason, not the person.

8. Boundaries are absolutely vital and abundantly necessary. But there can sometimes be a fine line between boundaries (good) and hostility or hate (bad).

9. Most of us have far more in common than that which divides us. We all forget that way too often.

10. The meaning of life is love. In all its forms.

- Romantic love
- Platonic love
- Love for a partner(s) (unless they're abusive or harmful)
- Love for family (ditto)
- Love for friends
- Love for animals
- Love for the environment
- Love for whatever you do

11. Whenever women speak, listen to them. In my experience, which I gained through making plenty of mistakes, women who discuss a problem rarely want you to solve or 'fix' it.

They just want you to listen to them - so hold the space for them and be present, always.

12. Even the Queen has to sit on the toilet. Everyone deserves the same amount of basic respect.

13. A pig in shit is still a pig in shit, no matter how much money they make.

14. Nobody is ever born evil. It's what happens after they're born that's key.

15. The first six years of a child's life will almost certainly shape them for the entirety of it. Love, nurture and protect them.

16. Animals are just as important as humans. Take care of them, help them, and where possible, learn from them.

17. Animals are also a gift from the universe. To remind us of its immense, indescribable beauty.

18. In politics, society and public policy, if we focused on causes, not symptoms, we'd be in a far, far better place.

19. The biggest problem with the world? Ego.

20. Online, the person you're demonising from behind a screen is just another human. About whose life, you likely know next to nothing. It's not possible in all circumstances, least of all on here - but try to bear it in mind.

21. Finding a tweet by someone from 1, 5 or 10 years ago and holding it against them isn't the gotcha you think it is. It just means they're human.

ALL humans are hypocrites; ALL humans have myriad contradictions; NOBODY has a monopoly on virtue.

22. Re-thinking your position on something as the evidence changes isn't a sign of selling out - but of maturity.

23. Science explains most things in life. But not EVERYTHING. There are many many things we don't understand and never will. Nobody has a monopoly on all knowledge.

24. But that said, somebody's knowledge is not and will never be remotely equivalent to somebody else's ignorance.

25. You don't have to be racist to be thick. But in most (though certainly not all) cases, you do have to be thick to be racist.

26. Someone who loves you won't only respect your 'no'. They'll affirm it, with pleasure.

27. We don't merely love others in spite of their flaws, but *because* of them.

28. Someone cannot 'learn to love themselves' unless they've been loved by someone else first.

29. A true friend stabs us in the front.

30. Whatever doesn't kill us DOESN'T make us stronger. That's one of the most trite, callous sayings imaginable. Someone who is raped is not 'stronger' after it than before. They might become so eventually. But only with love and care.

31. Rape is a life sentence. Therefore, all rapists must receive life sentences.

32. The so-called 'War on Drugs' was racist from the outset, will never be won, and has caused an ongoing epidemic of violence, death, femicide and immense human misery, suffering and despair.

33. Therefore, the only way to deal with the problem is to legalise all drugs, tax them, regulate them, and use the revenue to invest massively in support and rehabilitation.

34. Any society is only ever as civilised as how it treats its most vulnerable members.

35. No society which believes not in justice, but in revenge, can ever be considered civilised.

36. The biggest single cause of depression in the world is neoliberalism and the consequent atomisation of society.

37. Most people of faith are helped by it. Gain sustenance and hope from it. The problem is only ever if they impose their value and belief systems on others.

38. If you meet someone of faith, don't ridicule it. Don't condescend to them. Unless they impose their views on you.

39. Fascism and communism are two cheeks of the same backside.

40. The problem with communism is it doesn't understand human nature. Neither does neoliberalism. Both only account for *part* of human nature, and thus neither work.

41. If we all started again and were each given 1000 dollars, by the end of Day 1:

- A few people would be millionaires
- A few people would be broke
- Most people would still have about 1000 dollars.

42. Equality of outcome is tyrannical, unworkable and entirely ignorant of the differences in all of us. Equality of opportunity is what's needed.

43. Economics and cookery should both be compulsory in school. As, at least arguably, should basic parenting.

44. People learn far more effectively while having fun. Therefore, school should be about fun and enjoyment. Not the misery we insist on instead.

45. The second biggest problem with American politics is corporate lobbying and donors.

46. The biggest problem with American politics is the Constitution itself, which actively prevents change and is taking the US towards civil war.

47. We all need to find space in our lives for alone time.

48. Eating out by yourself is a great thing to learn. Never be afraid of or embarrassed by it.

49. The best, strongest romantic relationships set both partners free: including the freedom to spend plenty of time with others. Relationships where both partners are joined at the hip do not work.

50. The most attractive thing in the world isn't looks. It's confidence.

51. Arrogance is thinking you can do something when you can't. Confidence is knowing you can do something, and doing it.

52. The most important two things in any strong relationship? Open communication and complete trust, with the latter leading to safety and security.

53. If you're threatened by your straight partner's friends of the opposite sex, YOU have a problem, and they should leave you.

That even includes if one of those friends is romantically interested in your partner. Because you have to trust the latter.

54. If you love someone, let them go. If they love you too, they'll come back.

55. Most people on social media are projecting an image of themselves. The reality is far, far more complex. Never view yourself as inferior to them based on what they're projecting.

56. Social media is destroying civil discourse and is a profound threat to liberal democracy, reason and tolerance.

57. That which is asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.

58. The biggest reason for male suicide is, with their roles in the world dramatically altered over the last 40 years, they are expected to show emotional intelligence (quite right too), but not show their emotions (awful).

That is unsustainable and grotesquely dehumanising.

59. Depression is not and will never be a sign of weakness. It's a sign that you've been trying to be too strong for too long.

60. Vulnerability isn't just strength. It's power.

61. Big boys *do* cry.

62. Rape and sexual violence aren't about sex. They're about power and dominance over others.

63. War must only ever be an absolute last resort.

64. We don't only need a focus on jobs. But on quality of jobs and especially, on wellbeing.

65. That entails healthcare focused not just on treatment, but on prevention - and which therefore starts at birth and continues through education.

66. Education is what you're left with when you've forgotten everything you memorised.

67. Everyone needs some form of connection

68. A house is a home. Not a bank.

69. Everyone needs a place called home. That's why patriotism will never die out, why Israel/Palestine is so intractable, and also why moving house is the most stressful thing we ever do.

70. Huge numbers of people are only one redundancy and no loved ones away from homelessness.

71. Be kind to people on your way up. If you're not, they'll stand back and let you fall afterwards.

72. Patriotism, love of one's country, is good and healthy. Nationalism, hatred of other countries, is bad and destructive.

73. But patriotism is not and will never be based on 'my country, right or wrong'. It's about how ALL people in your country are treated.

74. If I had to betray my country or betray my friend, I would betray my country. Each and every time.

75. In most (but not all) cases, if you want to assess a man's character, watch how they treat their mother.

76. Never make others suffer for your insecurities and issues.

77. That does NOT mean you can't talk about them. You should and you must.

It's if you *don't* talk about them that the problems usually start, because you'll almost certainly be trying to fill that void inside you through addictive or toxic behaviour.

78. Coming to terms with your own past, warts and all, is one of the hardest but most rewarding things you can ever do. For people and for nations.

79. No guy who refers to *themselves* as a 'nice guy' is nice. Niceness is in the eye of the beholder.

80. It's nice to be important but more important to be nice.

81: FAO self-proclaimed 'nice guys': the problem isn't that you're 'nice'. It's probably that you're completely one-dimensional - nice and only nice - and suck up to your date instead of treating them as an equal.

82. No woman - no human, for that matter - is ever, ever, EVER subordinate to your sexual needs.

83. In life, most people don't get what they deserve, but what they *think* they deserve.

84. If publicly shaming someone worked, why are there so many completely shameless people?

85. Freedom of speech includes, within very broad limits, the freedom to cause offence.

86. If someone takes offence to what you say, much (but nowhere near all) of the time, the problem is theirs, not yours.

87. Cancel culture is an absolute disaster and dire threat to democracy.

88. But many who claim to oppose cancel culture then seek to cancel others with whom they disagree. That's just rank hypocrisy and should be dismissed with contempt.

89. Don't hate the playa. Hate the game

90. Any effective judicial system must never, repeat never, be based on emotion, but on evidence and reason.

91. The private sale of fireworks should be banned. It's extremely dangerous, it puts pressure on the fire services, it's a nightmare for animals and for pensioners.

92. All forms of hunting with dogs, including trail hunting, must be banned. And suitably prosecuted.

93. Cruelty to animals should receive much, much, MUCH stiffer sentences.

94. Trophy hunting is the epitome of evil. The government should strip the citizenship of anyone responsible.

And yes, I know that's extreme. I don't care. My personal preference would be to leave trophy hunters in the wild having removed their guns. Then see how brave they are

95. Everything in moderation, nothing (except point 94) in excess. Successful, happy lives are balanced ones.

96. Young people today are the most brilliant, knowledgeable, aware generation in human history. They are our hope. The hope of the world.

97. No society which prioritised its old over its young has ever succeeded.

98. Yet we also treat our old people with stunning amounts of contempt. Many are left abandoned and to wither away. Proper, communitarian societies treat all generations with the same dignity and respect

99. In a civilised society, prison must always be focused much more on rehabilitation than on punishment.

100. And finally, as someone once said:

Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.