With the fourth ritual humiliation - ahem, I mean Fourth Test - just getting underway, here's a rundown of my ideal cricket team since I started following the game in the late 1980s.

It may contain one or two surprises.

#Ashes #Ashes2021 #AshesTest #SCG #Sydney #AUSvENG
CG Greenidge (West Indies)
MJ Slater (Australia)
IVA Richards (West Indies) (capt)
SR Tendulkar (India)
R Dravid (India)
SR Waugh (Australia)
AC Gilchrist (Australia) (wkt)
SK Warne (Australia)
MD Marshall (West Indies)
CEL Ambrose (West Indies)
W Younis (Pakistan)
2nd XI:

GA Gooch (England)
ST Jayasuriya (Sri Lanka)
RT Ponting (Australia)
KC Sangakkara (Sri Lanka) (capt) (wkt)
PA de Silva (Sri Lanka)
AL Logie (West Indies)
A Flintoff (England)
W Akram (Pakistan)
M Muralitharan (Sri Lanka)
AA Donald (South Africa)
GD McGrath (Australia)
And here's an ideal England side from that time:

GA Gooch
AN Cook
MP Vaughan (capt)
JE Root
KP Pietersen
A Flintoff
MJ Prior (wkt)
GP Swann
D Gough
SP Jones
JM Anderson
2nd XI:

ME Trescothick
MA Atherton
AJ Strauss (capt)
GP Thorpe
RA Smith
BA Stokes
AJ Stewart (wkt)
SCJ Broad
MJ Hoggard
SJ Harmison
PCR Tufnell
I was just too young to experience any of Botham, Hadlee, Imran, Kapil, Crowe or Holding in their prime. They'd all have made it somewhere otherwise.

Devon Malcolm *almost* made the second XI; ditto Jack Russell. Both missed out because of what would've been a very long tail.
England's lack of quality spinners over the years has been staggering really. Giles was next in line, with Tuffers in because of what he could do on his day, not what he couldn't the rest of the time.

Also, Alec Stewart averaged 62.57 from number 7! Not bad for a daddy's boy! 😁
Hussain and Trott were also very unlucky not to make it, to be fair.

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More from @shaunjlawson

5 Jan
Do you know whose sanity I question Kelvin?

The unbelievably sick bastard who blamed Liverpool fans for Hillsborough.

What kind of country allows lying scum like you to get rich off the back of vile slander?

What kind of country keeps buying that disgusting newspaper?
Congratulations to the protesters, who should never have been prosecuted to begin with, Mr "terrorists hate our freedoms but I want protesters locked up".

Down with slavery apologists and down with those who've been rewriting history for centuries.

People like YOU.
Kelvin MacKenzie, by way of reminder:

- Cheerlead Thatcher's devastation of communities throughout the UK

- Cheerled the Iraq war

- Cheerled austerity

- Cheerled Brexit

- Turned the Sun into a comic for yobs and thugs
Read 5 tweets
5 Jan
I was looking at my pigeons earlier, and I was thinking:

- You don't go around trying to get other pigeons cancelled for having a different opinion on something

- You don't go around demonising other pigeons: you depend upon each other

- You don't start wars with other pigeons
- You don't hang around in gangs terrorising other pigeons

- You don't spend each and every day on this planet desperate to get offended by another pigeon

- You don't go around killing other animals for 'sport'

- You don't sentence other pigeons to death
- You don't rape female pigeons when they tell you to get lost and stop bothering them

- You haven't created a whole new language and forced it down all the other pigeons' throats

- You're not destroying your own habitat and that of all other living creatures
Read 6 tweets
5 Jan
The idea that JK Rowling is in any way an antisemite is offensive, preposterous, disgraceful nonsense.

But the idea that Jeremy Corbyn is in any way an antisemite was also offensive, preposterous, disgraceful nonsense, and she joined in with that.

Witchhunts are NEVER OK.
"Burn the witch! Burn the witch!" From a frothing, shameless mob in both cases.

Memo to everyone: someone is not an antisemite because of what happens to be YOUR political position and opinions. And if you had real humanity, you'd say so. In both cases and that of others too.
Do you know what Joanne and Jeremy have in common? They've both done a quite massive amount for vulnerable people.

For some reason, this never gets reported by their myriad haters: many of whom have never done a thing for vulnerable people in their entire lives.
Read 8 tweets
5 Jan
11 years ago, I had the privilege of teaching a huge number of Indian and Bangladeshi students in their late teens and early 20s. Almost all of whom lived and breathed cricket in a manner I'd never come across before.

They all played cricket during lunch and in late afternoon.
I organised a live stream of the India-Pakistan and India-Sri Lanka World Cup semi and final, and a match between the Indian and Bangladeshi students.

Which I umpired and made a bit of a mess of.😳 Some of my decisions were so bad, the Indians were accusing me of matchfixing 🤣
The whole experience left me with a heck of a lot more respect for officials in all sports: it's a bloody hard job, believe me.

When you get a call wrong and KNOW you've got it wrong, then unless you're a narcissist, you start second guessing yourself. Which leads to chaos.
Read 10 tweets
4 Jan
This is Khadijah Farmer. In 2008, she was ejected from a woman's toilet in New York because "she looked like a man".

Khadijah Farmer is not trans. She's a woman. I'm just wondering how people on my TL explain what happened to her.
This is Eloise Stonborough. She's not trans either. She's a woman. She's been 'confronted tens of times in public toilets'.

Including by a woman as she stood quietly in line to use a toilet in a park. “She stormed off in a huff when I refused to leave".
“One of the worst times was in an art gallery. A man started screaming that there was ‘a f**king man going into the toilet’ at the top of his voice, and started following me around the gallery once I’d left the toilet. I had to tell security so he could be escorted out".
Read 12 tweets
4 Jan
See also, the loony right in Argentina. Which to its eternal shame, urged people not to take the vaccine because they were being "experimented on" - then harangued the government when the rollout and uptake weren't fast enough. 🙄🙄

These people are always either stupid or bad.
The Argentina comparison is apposite here because the problem there - for 70 years now! - is that politics has been treated like a war.

- Rich v poor
- Winners v losers
- We won you lost get over it
- Let's grind the losers into the dust, and only govern for our own voters
That's been paralleled all over South America - with added whites v non-whites in places like Venezuela, Chile, Peru or Paraguay.

Political parties are basically treated like football teams in many of these places. 'My tribe, right or wrong'. There's even football-style chants.
Read 23 tweets

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