Thread by @guyawoodward

Very disappointed that @teamdb haven’t been down to the Tesco Express at Westminster to appraise the booze line-up and predict which bottles attendees would have brought to the BYO #No10Party.
My suggestions in the thread below…

@BorisJohnson 17% ABV Napa Cabernet. Overblown crowd-pleaser that was fun in the past but not something you want to entrust centre-stage; now something of a joke, falls apart quickly on close inspection and fails to deliver on the promises or claims of the back label.

@carrielbjohnson Tequila. She may have to hold her nose but, consum(at)ed quickly, it has a transformational effect when it comes to instilling instant unwarranted influence.

@trussliz Prosecco Rosé. Frothy, lightweight and completely lacking in depth, complexity or gravitas, but looks great on Instagram.

@pritipatel Champagne. The perfect drink with which to celebrate the fantastic success of English sparkling wine.

@DominicRaab Strong, British lager in a Union Jack can. While export markets may have dried up since Brexit, that’s actually a good thing because it means there’s more for us; the perfect prep for a fight on the way home.

@RishiSunak Hip non-alcoholic seltzer flavoured with rose petals that turns out to be more expensive than every other bottle there.

@michaelgove Irn-Bru laced with cocaine. Putrid, distasteful and just plain weird.

@Jacob_Rees_Mogg Château Lafite 1864. Lowest common denominator high-end claret that is as inappropriate at an office party as it is offensive. Now a parody of the dinner party scene, it was just about palatable in the 1890s.

@grantshapps (aka #MichaelGreen) Grand Cru red Burgundy that turns out to be Bulgarian Pinot Noir. Its dubious credentials instantly exposed once scrutinized, the bottle was bought from #RudiKurniawan.

@Dominic2306 (aka #DominicCummings) WKD. Shabby, bitter, contrived concoction that markets itself as being cleverer and cooler than it actually is. Label printed in 48pt for the short-sighted.

(I’m not, of course, suggesting that all the above were at the #DowningStreetParty, Well, not the May 20 party, at any rate…)