the crying is unattractive is the lightest of stuff really

the deep, dark stuff is about how unattractive loneliness, despair, self-pity, and grasping for others are
it's a cursed problem: many try to resolve it as if they were drowning, roused from their stupor when someone passes by to desperately flail, needing to hang on and be pulled up, but only dragging their victim down
this grasping, needing, demand from others is the true root of what makes a certain form of crying unattractive, but that crying is just an expression of an energy which can be terrifying or repulsive
the way out involves transitioning to gratitude, giving, joying. but how?
people like, love to help! they do *not* like approaching a bottomless pit of craving, especially one which might attach to them.
one of the biggest tools is to learn to make specific asks (and when they are appropriate) so that you can manage your pain in consideration of the impact on others before your shadow self does it for you

+ how to heal yourself and when to pull back and do so

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More from @sunofdopamine

12 Jan
when i was younger i thought gratitude was saying "thankyou" while being angry, resentful, and hurting

hell i think my idea of almost every "virtue" was perverted
realizing "gratitude" is basically a synonym for happiness with just a slight inclination for how to get there is life-changing. its a somatic move not a thought.
earlier today i was stimmed and at work; so frenetic inside, so hyperfocused on the entirely inconsequential.

i couldn't do anything to bleed off energy. no physical movement, or at least not enough

tried meditation, tried awareness, could not get out of that zone
Read 4 tweets
11 Jan
am currently in the process of noticing to be mindful of my body sensation and therefore mindset/happiness

alexander technique thing that started to click

the gulf between word-description and actual somatic perception is obscene. insane. beyond, well, description
things are bad for a serious reason. you notice buzzing and lack of sensory perception and thoughts repeating through your head and a fast heartrate

you "touch" the world sensorily and suddenly the experience flips and things are good now

this is dark, dark magic
if you asked me about this at any point in my life, depending when i wouldve thought i could do this instinctually, or had just learned it, or had optimized it

but i could not do the actual thing i can now any of those times

what will the future be like
Read 4 tweets

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