Thread by @Rrrrnessa

Here's something fairly controversial from me that's not related to politics. As a parent to a daughter...I've decided not to teach her that virginity should be guarded as if it's real and more importantly I've decided not to teach her that sex = love.

I've seen the damage this does to young girls and women. The shame and guilt they end up feeling. But more than that I think teaching our daughters that sex = love sets them up for abusive situations and sets them up to be taken advantage of.

When we teach young women that sex is equal to love we set them up to believe that the men who simply want to have sex with them, can "love" them into giving up their bodies, even if they are not ready to take that step. That they can guilt-trip them into sex.

Personally, as a parent I practice honesty in all aspects of my parenting and I don't see why this particular topic should be any different. I think parents lie to their daughters about sex being tied to love b/c they want to protect them but in the end all it does is hurt them.

As my daughter is getting older, she's getting more curious about the world and all its little social rules. We've openly talked about abortions, adoption, teenage pregnancy, relationships, LGBT communities and their relationships. Everything.

I think sometimes parents make the big mistake of wanting to protect their children from reality and then those children instead of getting their information from their parents, get it from tv, social media, friends, strangers. & it's often conflicting information.

& I just thought back when I was a young girl and how simultaneously everything made sex out to be this disgusting thing but also this disgusting thing that only people in love do.

& I think you have to ask yourself...what happens when you teach your child that sex and love are one and the same? What happens when they have their first crush or mistakenly believe they've fallen in love? Or are pressured b/c of love?

I've also discussed the religious components of it, why people believe virginity is important & why people believe you should wait till marriage. What happens if you think you're in love, get pregnant, and then the partner leaves. All of these things are so important to discuss.

It's a really complex conversation and I'm sure doesn't sit right with most people but they're also learning about their bodies and reproduction and sexual health in school. You have to have these conversations...without making them feel gross or shameful.

So, I've been asked: "well how do you talk about sex then" and it's quite easy, I talk more about being emotionally, mentally, and physically ready for it. I focus less on the romantic aspect of it and more so on the fact it's a huge decision and one that can have lasting impact.

Everything I've learned as a parent is:

1. It's unbelievably difficult to have certain conversations
2. Your kids are smarter than you and know more than you think
3. Being open and honest ensures a trustworthy relationship between your kids & yourself
4. Trust is everything