Thread by @_mari_moonmoon

Jin Ling may be a fussy baby, but he endures the first day of the sect conference without any tantrums.

Jiang Cheng thinks that others sect leaders should learn a thing or other with him. But they're too afraid to even look at him and the baby.

He knew it was a gamble to have the baby attending the conference. The others would either perceive him as too weak to let his nephew out of his sight, as an attempt to hide behind his duties as an uncle.

Or as a taunt - look at me, so comfortable in my position and my power.

So sure of himself that I won't even ask your permission to bring a baby to these meetings.

Fortunately, for Jiang Cheng, most sect leaders focused on the second option, that this choice was a proclamation of power. And not a demand by Madam Jin.

The same woman that relegated Jin Guangyao to the back of the room, opting for being the one leading the Jin entourage.

Madam Jin, still too hurt by the loss of her son to even properly look to her grandchild.

But he understands grief works in different ways.

While his grief pushes him to forgive the remaining family he has, hers leads to distance.

He hopes that'll change - Jin Ling deserves to know his grandmother and be loved by her.

Honestly, for Jiang Cheng, the baby that is now gnawing on Zidian deserves the world.

If not the world, at least a peaceful lake in which to be happy.

"Isn't that dangerous?" Lan Xichen asks and Jiang Cheng realizes that only beside him and the baby, only the Lan and Nie Mingjue are still in the room.

"What?"

"I think he's referring to Zidian".

"Zidian would never hurt him" because I would never do such a thing, is what he doesn't add.

Both men stare at each other, Jin Ling oblivious to what's happening until Nie Mingjue decides to pitch the baby up from Jiang Cheng's lap.

"Me and this fella are going to take a nap"

"It's almost dinner time", Jiang Cheng blurts not really understanding what's happening.

"I'll feed him then" and seeing that Jiang Cheng is going to complain, continues "look at this smile. This big frog sure missed me. C'mon, let me bond with my nephew-in-law".

Nie Mingjue is the most shameless man and Jiang Cheng regrets the day he accepted to be his friend.

"You're so infuriating" but the words are not enough to hide the blush spreading through his face. Or how Lan Xichen isn't moving, a serious look on his face.

Bouncing Jin Ling in his arms, Nie Mingjue just replies "I'm just messing with Lan Xichen. And I'm taking my leave now".

The words make Lan Xichen's ears redden, and Jiang Cheng wonders.

Did Lan Xichen tell his friend what happened? How they kinda bantered yesterday?

Did he confess to the other that not only Jiang Cheng is his soulmate, but that he decided to choose him? That he's trying to win him over because he sees something in Jiang Cheng?

No. Because he sees something on their bond.

But before Jiang Cheng can ask, Lan Xichen intervenes:

"I need to talk to you - I received a letter from Lan Wangji today".

And despite not knowing its content, Jiang Cheng can already feel the dread.

** and because I'm mostly evil, I'll leave this here for today 🤭🤭

But I hope you're still enjoying this and sorry for the delayed updates!! **

** I'll be updating in the next hour and this will be first of the last two to three updates. We're getting to the end, folks. And it won't be pretty, at least not for xicheng. There'll be a happy ending but not for both of them? Yeah, so be warned **

They meet in the Hanshi - Jiang Cheng is trying to not fiddle with his clothes, tame any signs of discomfort.

When Lan Xichen puts a cup of tea in front of him, he wonders if there is alcohol somewhere in this house.

The Lan supposedly don't drink alcohol, but everyone has vices. And Jiang Cheng has realized in the last months that the man staring at him is a human such as everyone else.

There must be something helping him achieve his usual calmness.

"I discussed with my brother the possibility of our nephew coming to Cloud Recesses to learn", this is it. The beginning of the end.

"Okay", and what does have to do with Jiang Cheng.

"As you may not remember, as a member of the new Yiling sect, he cannot leave their camp".

Jiang Cheng did remember that, he simply didn't remember that a child also has to follow the rules. Even if it's a cute one such as a-yuan.

He also remembers what that means: Lan Wangji and the kid were transgressing that rule when they accompanied Yanli to Lotus Pier.

"He's a kid. I'm sure you would be able to convince the other sect leaders that it would be harmless if he were to spend some time here", Jiang Cheng says calmly, trying to not think about where the conversation is going.

"My brother said the same" the man smiles.

"He just asked for a-yuan to be allowed to keep contact with his family - that's what today's letter was about".

"I don't see a problem with that", or why you asked to speak with me, Jiang Cheng thinks.

"Me neither. I've been thinking about this matter since I saw him in Lotus+

+ Pier. I think it may be time for us to change some of the rules".

Jiang Cheng doesn't give a reply right away, opting to focus on the daffodil that decorates his right index finger, almost snuggled to Zidian.

"We were afraid of Wei Wuxian's power at the time, but it's +

+ inhumane to ask them to live their entire lives in the burial mounds".

And Jiang Cheng somewhat agrees. At the time, limiting Wei Wuxian to the burial mounds had been a necessity. He had to ensure that neither the man's presence or his power, was a threat to his sect.

He also wanted - still wants - to keep the man away from him particularly, but that could be achieved in simpler ways.

"Okay, I don't see the problem in that - changing the rules to give them more freedom", they just have to convince the rest of the cultivation world. Easy.

"I knew you would" the man replies happily, and the daffodil Jiang Cheng was watching pulses with life. "I'm aware that the other sect leaders may be a bit difficult to convince, but I think it will help a lot for you to speak on the behalf of Wei Wuxian"

What?

"- and invite him to Lotus Pier. That would definitely show that you have patched up all your differences".

Jiang Cheng thanks his mother for the rigorous training to be a sect leader because that's the only thing keeping him from trembling at hearing Lan Xichen's words.

Invite him? That man? To his home?

To the place for which he fought tooth and nails to make safe again?

No. He couldn't even fathom that posisblitiy. He loved his brother, yes. And he wanted to work on their relationship, but not like this.

He has been preparing, but not...

Not this.

He's ready for tiny baby steps, not for leaps and bounds.

He still had nightmares. There were nights in which he would wake up soaking with fear, asking himself if it was only the core. If there was anything else inside him that did not belong to him.

If his life, his disciples, his nephew, if all of that was his, or had he stolen that too?

His voice is shaky when he replies:

"I won't do that", he can't do that, but that's a vulnerability he doesn't want to show. He sees how his words ripple through the other.

"But Wanyin, that would help their situation", the man pleads.

And Jiang Cheng almost flounders. Isn't this what he was taught to do? To sacrifice himself over and over, give and give until there's nothing else besides his wishing thoughts.

But he thinks about his disciples, about the spiders and the aunties in the lotus pier kitchen. He tries to focus on their words, their nagging about how he cannot do everything on his own, how he has to take care of himself.

How there's no life to live if he keeps giving parts of him away.

So he repeats:

"I won't do that". His voice doesn't shake now, his back is straight, and Zidian shows briefly her displeasure.

The daffodil next to her begins to pale.

"I urge you think better" there's less of a pleading tone in Lan Xichen's voice, and more of a demand. "You just said you agreed with me, that you think they should have more freedom".

"And I do. But doesn't misconstruct my words. I'll stand by them having more freedom, but I won't boast about Wei Wuxian.
I won't say we buried the hatchet when that's not true. I haven't talked to him properly since he left. And I'm not ready to do it yet".

"Because you're too afraid?" Lan Xichen taunts him. "Are you so weak that you can't admit you made a mistake?"

"A mistake?"

"Oh, Wanyin. Wei Wuxian may have said to everyone he was defecting your sect, but I knew since the start you were the one pushing him away".

"And do you know why?" Jiang Cheng's heart is on his throat, almost leaping to the outside with the possibility that all this time, Lan Xichen knew his secret.

Or at least suspected. Had an inkling of what had been done to him.

"I figured it would have something to do with leading your sect, ensuring he was not a threat to your leadership" the man comments while sipping his tea, and for a moment Jiang Cheng observes another gold-wearing smaller man in his place.

"You thought I sent my brother away because of power? That I turned my back to the family I still had because I wanted to secure my throne?"

"You were desperate at the time, Wanyin. We could all see it - how you were hellbent in protecting your people, your piers".

And you did nothing, he wants to scream. You all saw it, how broken and lost I was, and you did nothing.

"This is all bullshit" he wheezes as he starts laughing. At this point, he doesn't even care that the older male is looking at him as if he lost his mind.

He didnt.

"These flowers, it's bullshit. Thoughts of devotion, soulmates, finding the one - it's all lies they feed you with. These" he points to the daffodils sprinkled through his arm "are only proof that you don't know me.

These are just proof that some lustful and complimentary thoughts don't build a relationship. Because I assure you, Lan Xichen, those flowers you have on your skin wouldn't exist if I knew you're like this inside" he spits standing up.

And those words make the other react:

"Wanyin, I'm just asking you for a favor. I just want to ensure my brother, our brothers, come back. Imagine, we could all be happy together, we co-. I understand what you're saying.. You're not ready, but that doesn't mean this between us could not result"

"I don't want to be happy with you" the words are followed by Zidian snapping the daffodil next to her until only a smudge in his skin remains.

"I don't want to have anything to do with you. And I wonder what changed, why you now want me", he breathes deeply and attacks.

"Did you realize, Xichen, that you're not better than me? That someday people will figure out how you're greedy, how you like to know others love you and look up to you, and you were afraid they would leave you?
Is this why you're trying to string me along? Because these years +

+ have shown you how I was deeply, utterly devoted to you? Even when you left me behind when you refused to see this bond?

Are you trying to keep me by your side because your vanity doesn't allow you to consider a reality where those forget-me-nots do not exist?"

"Because let me tell you, it's a lie. You see the absence of cuts on your skin as proof that I'll never hate you, I'll never leave you behind.

And it was. A long time ago, it was all of that. But now? Look at my life, I don't have the time to waste on hating you".

Jiang Cheng leaves the hanshi. And when Lan Xichen tries to follow him, a spider stops him.

"You don't want to make a scene, sect Leader Lan" she almost spits his title.

But he understands. He failed. He needs time to correct things.

** uh, this is it for today. Some author notes now:
At the beginning of this, I wanted angst but I also wanted him to be together at the end. But with time I realized it wouldn't be fair to either of them, but mostly jc. And it's in a big part because he never wavered in his +

+ devotion. He never completely stopped thinking about lxc. But he also never really met him.

But we all did during this thread, and even if some parts of what he did could be explained, were honest mistakes, it was as if this soulmate thing had blinded jc for a long time. +

+ Sometimes we're infatuated with people we don't really know, and that's part of life. But we should not bet everything on them. It's not fair for any of the parts, but especially to us. I wanted jc to realize that.

To realize that yes, he maybe was really devoted to lxc, but +

+ some of those flowers could be the result of feeling thoughts, without that much weight - things such as "he looks really hot, want to bang him". And in turn, his daffodils could also result from the same type of thoughts. That is, the flowers don't ensure the other loves you+

+ or knows you.

I also had thought that jc would reveal to lxc the core situation. But why? lxc didn't make anything to deserve that trust and we don't have to use our traumas to make others understand us when they're not willing to hear us, to truly look at us. +

+ All of this being said, I pity this lxc and want him to get better. Most of his behavior is a direct result of the pressure he feels to be perfect, and it's hard to have a signal that you're meeting others' expectations - that you're keeping up with the pressure. +

+ Having flowers in your skin is a clear signal that at least someone appreciates a part of you - it can turn addictive. I'm not excusing his many, many flaws, I'm just pointing out that he's not a monster - he's just a complex human as we all are.
+

+ Oh, so many words in these notes, I'm sorry. I'll stop here and hope that you enjoyed this and that I didn't disappoint you. This is not the end, but we're getting closer. **

** here we go unicorns - there will be this and only one more update. We're reaching the end. **

Jiang Cheng doesn't cry.

The advantage of taking care of Jin Ling - between the obvious happiness he feels at seeing the small frog grow up - is that he cannot allow himself the luxury of dwelling in his emotion when he has to take care of him.

So he postpones that moment.

When later he finds himself alone in bed, the silence of Cloud Recesses engulfing him, the tears don't appear.

His body feels heavy but there is a certain clarity permeating his mind. It's as if the exchange of words he had with Lan Xichen unlocked something inside him.

And it did. He stood up for himself.

It's something he has been working on in the last few months - the belief that he's worth fighting for, that he deserves something that is whole, and not only the scraps.

If no one else will fight for him, at least he'll try.

But that's unfair, right?

He knows that outside this room, there are a few people who have been fighting for him. Yes, he's been so busy sometimes that it's difficult to keep up with things, but he's not blind.

He's aware that his disciples have pledged allegiance to him, not the sect. The rumors about the stone-faced Yunmeng disciples contrast with the sunny faces he sees daily.

This need to protect? He recognizes it. Having to wear a mask, portray a different persona so others will leave you alone, he has mastered it.

So it's also because of them that he refuses to give up on himself. That he refuses to accept a love that is based on flimsy flowers.

But mostly, it's because he deserves better, regardless of what others may think or whisper.

He's the master of three poisons but that doesn't mean he has to let himself drown on them. No, it means that better than anyone else, he knows how to avoid them.

He doesn't cry, but he doesn't sleep either. A significant part of his night is spent observing the mark on his index finger - the only thing that remains from the daffodil that Zidian zapped away.

And he wonders if he could could use Zidian to get ridden of the other flowers +

+ that litter his skin.

But perhaps that would be spending too much energy on someone who doesn't deserve it?

He also wonders why there are no cuts. And as soon as this thought crosses his mind, he realizes how sick it is that this was the reaction he expected.

And how unfair it is for everyone that is involved in this because we all hate others sometimes. It's part of dealing with other humans.

The sect conference lasts more two days and if anyone else notices the frostiness between him and Lan Xichen, no one comments it.

** dinner pause but I'll end this update today!**

Jiang Cheng leaves for Lotus Pier believing this is the end. When two weeks pass and there are no letters from the Lan sect leader, he lets himself believe it's over.

(The new daffodils that appear in his legs and back? He ignores them, they're certainly a mistake. A glitch)

So he doesn't expect to be awakened at dawn, one of his spiders frantically knocking at his door.

Remembering fire and screams, he quickly gets up from the bed, wrenching the door open.

"Se- sect Leader, they're here" there's a tremor in her voice, but it's not fear.

"Who?" he asks already in the move, not expecting a reply.

It's easy to figure out where 'they' are - Jiang Cheng follows the feeling of intrusion spreading through Lotus Pier, the whispers of his spiders.

He expects to see Lan Wangji and his brother, the more obvious they.

And he's half right - his brother is in one in his sect room, too worriedly pacing from one side to the other, hand tugging at his hair.

But it's not Lan Wangji the Lan by his side.

"a-cheng, how are you feeling?" Wei Wuxian asks, getting closer to Jiang Cheng, hands reaching for him, but stopping before being able to touch him.

Jiang Cheng doesn't know what he's feeling. There's happiness from seeing his brother after so long.

He looks healthier - there's a slight tan in his skin and a large, blooming flower in his neck.

But his happiness is infested by fear - worry that his brother is here to take more things from him. Anger because he did not consent to his visit. He's not prepared yet.

Disappointment in himself because he wants to hug Wei Wuxian but is too afraid of touching the other to do it.

"I didn't say you could come here," he says, completely disregarding Wei Wuxian's question.

Wei Wuxian looks at him and at Lan Xichen, confusion etched in his skin.

"Zewu-jun told me you urgently needed my help, that's why I didn't wait for you t-"

"Your help? With what?" Jiang Cheng interrupts him, eyes now fixed in Lan Xichen, finally taking in the older man figure.

He looks thinner, dark circles etched on his skin.

When Wei Wuxian gets ready to reply, Jiang Cheng motions him to shut up, while still staring at Lan Xichen.

"Sect Leader Lan, what's the meaning of this?" his voice is pure ice and the Lan leader flinches.

"Wanyin, you were right".

"These flowers, they're meaningless. We should not choose to be together because of them".

"And Wei Wuxian fits in all of that?"

"I know you've missed him, I wanted to show you I care about you and help you reaching him"

Jiang Cheng feels the fury spreading through his veins, Zidian signaling his rage.

"a-cheng, I didn't know about this. He told me you were sick and I just..." I just acted, is what Wei Wuxian doesn't say.

And Jiang Cheng gets it - it's has been their downfall before.

Wei Wuxian thought he had to save Jiang Cheng and act without thinking things through.

"I know you said I had to wait for your consent to come here, but when Zewu-jun said you needed me, I ju- Lan do not lie and I... I'll go if you want. Just say the word"

But while Jiang Cheng doesn't want Wei Wuxian to be in Lotus Pier, he wants even less to be by himself with Lan Xichen. There's something off with the man.

"Now that you brought my brother, you can leave Sect Leader Lan".

"Buy Wanyin, this is just the first part of my gift to you. I've come to tell you I want us to be together"

"Sect Leader Lan, I've already told you th-"

"No Wanyin, you don't understand. I want to break the bond between us".

"You what?"

Jiang Cheng doesn't miss how Wei Wuxian moves, positioning himself between Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen, as if afraid that the older man is going to attack Jiang Cheng.

"I've told you, you were right. These flowers, this bond is meaningless. Let's break it".

"Let's break it and be together".

There are so many things wrong with that statement, Jiang Cheng doesn't even know where to start.

"Zewu-jun, that... you know what it entails, right?"

Breaking a soulmate bond is both dangerous and tricky.

The consequences for the person who initiates it are harsh - the registered cases show that the individuals become frail, unable to perform the simplest of tasks, finding them too taxing.

Even a powerful cultivator as Lan Xichen would struggle to recover from such an act.

"You wouldn't be able to lead your sect" Jiang Cheng reasons.

"But I would be with you, Wanyin. And if both of us try to break the bond, we'll both share the consequences and be together in facing them"

"My brother won't do such a thing," Wei Wuxian intervenes.

"I brought you here to make peace with your brother, Wei Wuxian, but do not mingle in our affairs or decide things for him".

"As you're trying to do, Zewu-jun?"

"I just want us to be happy together".

Jiang Cheng loses it:

"But I don't want you! I don't want to be with you! Weren't you listening to be the last time we spoke? I've told you that this thing between us has no future. These flowers are an indication of nothing more besides misfortune".

"You said that the flowers were the problem".

"No, we are the problem. You are the problem. Are you even listening to yourself? You want to break this bond, lose your physical independence for a relationship that doesn't even exist. Are you that desperate?"

"I love you, Wanyin", the man says brokenly, floundering in his steps.

And Jiang Cheng is not an evil man - he could be, but he's too tired for that. He prefers to give himself a chance to be better.

So he approaches the other, a gentle hand in his face and says "No you don't"

"You don't love me, Lan Xichen. And apparently, you don't love yourself either, if you're willing to damage yourself for something that doesn't exist. Even if existed, if there was a shot for us to be together, this type of decision should be made because you want, and not +

+ because you want to please me".

"Wanyin, but I do love you" the man says crying silently.

"No, you're simply afraid that you'll be alone forever. So you spent the last few weeks trying to convince yourself that you do love me, thinking about me"
Jiang Cheng doesn't comment +

+ how it could be a trap - how Lan Xichen's incessant thoughts, the daffodils now in his skin, could be a cheap shot to convince Jiang Cheng to say yes to this stupid idea.

"This idea of yours doesn't make any sense, and I urge you to think it through" Jiang Cheng steps back.

"But you're an adult and the decision is ultimately yours".

Jiang Cheng tuns his back, motioning Wei Wuxian to follow him.

"Wanyin, wher-"

"I'm leaving, Sect Leader Lan. You're welcome to stay here the time you want, I'll have my spiders keep an eye on you."

Without turning to Lan Xichen, he adds:

"You know, I thought of it in the past. When I realized I had a soulmate, of how horrible it could be. I thought about getting rid of this link between us, but my sect was too fragile. It would have been selfish of me at the time".

"My sect is still fragile, it always will be because it's my child. And now I do have a child to take care of. So I won't endanger myself because of this stupid link. Do whatever you want, Sect Leader Lan, but don't drag me to your mess".

As he leaves the room, his brother following closely, he asks:

"Wei Wuxian, would you like to drink some wine at that inn we used to go?"

He doesn't explicitly say "not in lotus pier", but he knows his brother got it.

"Yes, anything you want, a-cheng"

** only one more update to go, an epilogue kind of thing.

Hope you enjoyed this :) and thanks for being with me in this journey **

"Jiujiu!" a golden clad boy screams and Jiang Cheng's heart soars.

It doesn't matter what happens, Jin Ling's voice will always be one of his favorite things to hear.

A few seconds later a small body hits his legs, small hands clambering for attention.

He acquiesces easily, pocking the boy up and smothering him in kisses and hugs.

"Missed you, jiujiu" then, leaning closer, he whispers "missed fairy too".

Jiang Cheng marvels at the attentiveness of the four-year-old - whispering about his four-legged pet, not wanting +

+ to startle Wei Wuxian.

"This little lemon spent the entire time saying 'my jiujiu this, my jiujiu that'. He talked so much about you that now a-yuan, my precious baby, wants to spend a few months in Lotus Pier too. Away from me" Wei Wuxian almost bawls and Jiang Cheng grins.

"I already told him that he could spend all the time he wants here, but he says he can't be away from his turnips more than a weekend".

As expected, Wei Wuxian reacts dramatically at that, "Replaced by turnips! I spent twenty hours birthing him -"

"He's adopted".

"And now he replaces me with turnips. Me? The only parent he has that lets him eat sweets!".

Jiang Cheng considers telling him how a-yuan seemed to be reluctant to stay away from his parents too, but Jin Ling speaks before him:

"He's loud".

Jiang Cheng laughs at the scandalized look on Wei Wuxian's face.

They don't dwell much on goodbyes - Wei Wuxian saying he'll bring Yanli to Lotus Pier next week and Jiang Cheng reaffirming that a-yuan can come anytime he wants.

By the time Wei Wuxian leaves, Jin Ling snores softly.

The boy is tired from the travel and all the adventures he surely had at the Burial Mounds.

Yanli has taken to spend half a year in Lotus Pier and the other half at the Burial Mounds.

When she's there, Jin Ling spends a week per month there. Jiang Cheng is proud of his sister and how she's working on her relationship with her son. But he still notices how Jin ling doesn't truly confide in her, how he relies on him more than her.
Time is needed for some wounds.

He's also proud of how he and Wei Wuxian and the effort they've made to become true brothers again.

Wei Wuxian still isn't allowed inside Lotus Pier, and Jiang Cheng still keeps some things for him instead of sharing, but they're working on it.

They'll get there.

As he puts Jin Ling in his small bed, he marvels at the tiny lotus that ornament his hands. How they fit there better than any other daffodil ever did, how these were his choice.

They hurt, as any permanent marking on skin hurts, but these are a reminder of his own devotion.

To himself.

After that talk with Lan Xichen, some daffodils had lingered on his skin, but with time they disappeared.

Lan Xichen disappeared too, following in his father's footsteps, this time without taking any other hostages. History didn't completely repeat itself.

At the time, the guilt that threatened to take over Jiang Cheng was almost overwhelming. Until he reminded himself he could not be taken accountable for others' choices.

He wouldn't stand by it, not anymore.

As he leaves Jin Ling's room, Jiang Cheng thrives on how it feels to be whole on his own.

To feel complete.

And he marvels at how lucky he is to feel this way and have a beautiful, sturdy man waiting for him outside.

It's a pity that he insists on the mustache.

But well, it's a choice.

And if there was something that Jiang Cheng has learned in the past years, is that choice is always better than fate.

//end

**
(He also learned that tiddies are better than strong arms 😏)
Unicorns, it's over. I'm sorry for the easter egg at the end, but I couldn't resist? Jiang Cheng deserves a hottie to bang after this entire ordeal.
+

+
I want to thank all of you that have stayed with me during this journey. Life sometimes is painfully hard and this thread was an escape in these last few weeks. Reading your reactions had made me laugh many times and I hold dearly all comments you've left. +

+ As you noticed, everything is not perfect for Jiang Cheng. It will never be - that's the thing about living and being human.

But he has a choice and, don't matter what others tell you, having a choice is the greatest of weapons. It may change your life.
+

+ I'll stop here now. I truly do hope you enjoyed this and please, keep around 😏😏

There'll be more xicheng angst in a near future