🔪🔪#jiangcheng and #jinling centered
Jin Ling looks at his jiujiu, to the sunken eyes and lithe body now turn into a bag of bones. He looks to this man who's disappearing little by little and asks:
"Will you ever forgive him?"
Jin Ling looks at his jiujiu, to the sunken eyes and lithe body now turn into a bag of bones. He looks to this man who's disappearing little by little and asks:
"Will you ever forgive him?"
Jiang Cheng looks at Jin Ling, no sign of confusion at the words:
"Should I?"
Despite knowing it's a dangerous reply, Jin Ling can't stop the words, "Wouldn't forgiveness be my mother's choice?"
"Should I?"
Despite knowing it's a dangerous reply, Jin Ling can't stop the words, "Wouldn't forgiveness be my mother's choice?"
Jiang Cheng laughs and the sound is bitter.
"I know that I raised you, but believe me when I say I don't look a thing like your mother, brat. So I ask again, should I?"
"I know that I raised you, but believe me when I say I don't look a thing like your mother, brat. So I ask again, should I?"
Jin Ling knows what he wants, an admission of what is truly his desire instead of hiding behind the intentions of people he doesn't remember.
"I think you should. Not for him, but for you. That resentment, that ugly thing you have inside of you. It's killing you."
"I think you should. Not for him, but for you. That resentment, that ugly thing you have inside of you. It's killing you."
He doesn't mention how he feels death approaching his jiujiu. How it stinks.
"Naive, my sweet naive child. I already forgave him, that's not what is killing me", there's a desperate look in Jiang Cheng's eyes now.
It screams of pain and sorrow.
"Naive, my sweet naive child. I already forgave him, that's not what is killing me", there's a desperate look in Jiang Cheng's eyes now.
It screams of pain and sorrow.
"I don't und-"
"It's me the one I'm unable to forgive, Jin Ling," Jiang Cheng confesses, eyes fixed on his hands.
"I look at these hands, the same hands that saved my sect, that raised you, and I don't know where I failed."
"It's me the one I'm unable to forgive, Jin Ling," Jiang Cheng confesses, eyes fixed on his hands.
"I look at these hands, the same hands that saved my sect, that raised you, and I don't know where I failed."
"I don't understand what was the mistake I made that signaled I was up for the taking. That my body didn't belong to me."
"jiujiu, "
"No, because... Something I did made others think I couldn't make my own decisions. And if there's no mistake, if I didn't do something wrong..."
"jiujiu, "
"No, because... Something I did made others think I couldn't make my own decisions. And if there's no mistake, if I didn't do something wrong..."
"You didn't, jiujiu. You di-"
"Then I'm the one to blame. Not my actions or my words but me, the being. I'm the something that is wrong. I'm wrong, Jin Ling. How can I forgive me?"
"Then I'm the one to blame. Not my actions or my words but me, the being. I'm the something that is wrong. I'm wrong, Jin Ling. How can I forgive me?"
Jin Ling is not sure of what to say or how to act. He's not sure if the tears he feels on his face are due to his or jiujiu pain.
"I'm wrong, Jin Ling. And that's why I'm the one to blame. It's my existence that justifies what happened."
"I'm wrong, Jin Ling. And that's why I'm the one to blame. It's my existence that justifies what happened."
"No, jiujiu. You didn't want any of this - you didn't ask wwx for it."
"And he still gave it to me. Because he recognized that I was flawed. And look at me, so ungrateful because he didn't tell me."
Jiang Cheng starts crying, with messy tears and hands covering his face.
"And he still gave it to me. Because he recognized that I was flawed. And look at me, so ungrateful because he didn't tell me."
Jiang Cheng starts crying, with messy tears and hands covering his face.
"Look at me, Jin Ling. Unable to feel gratitude because I can't stop imagining my body being open, defenseless. The only thing I thought belonged solely to me, didn't. How can I forgive myself when I'm not even worthy of having my own body?"
And as Jin Ling sees his jiujiu tears making a path on his face, he swears: he'll make wwx feel the same.
//
//
Blame this on @notzeyzey 🤭 I have to go now, but I'll come back in a bit to explain my thoughts if you want to listen to them :) also, tell me yours!
Hi! I'm back - so I wanted to clarify some things about this thread. Yes, there are mentions of wwx, but this is not a 'hate wwx' thread. While writing this my focus was JC and how he copes with the knowledge that people did things with his body that he did not consent to.
So this thread is about consent and feeling violated and having to cope with it. It's the journey of someone who when faced with this horrible act, they're only able to understand it as a failure on their part. And on this I do have to say that while yes, I understand how +
+ wwx is sacrificing hic core for jc, that doesn't erase the 'no consent part'. It doesn't erase the trauma associated with it, and it doesn't matter how jc used the core, he's entitled to feel hurt, betrayed, and angry. +
+ and these are emotions difficult to regulate and process when there is the message of ' I did this for you'. It sends the idea that consent is overrated because your life was on the line (which it wasn't, but that's another matter). Which, in turn, makes jc feel even more +
+ guilty because he feels he's not grateful enough. He's so spiteful that he's unable to appreciate this big gesture, even if the cost of this gesture was his body and his trust, being violated. So yeah, that's why we witness this outburst he has, and this self-sabotage journey +
+ in which he's withering away.
So these were the feelings that I wanted to convey and have JL witness. I hope you enjoyed this and be kind :) (to others but mostly to yourself!)
So these were the feelings that I wanted to convey and have JL witness. I hope you enjoyed this and be kind :) (to others but mostly to yourself!)
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