Thread by @NanouTheNomad

#HolocaustRemembranceDay

My grandmother Rosa was born in 1930 in Lyon, France.
She had just turned 10 years old when the Nazis invaded, and the anti-semitic Vichy government was installed in southern France.

She never told me about what school was like-
Whether she had to wear a yellow star-
Whether she was afraid-
Whether she knew that parents (not born in France) were at risk-

She never told me about the time the French milice snuck into the back of the synagogue with hand grenades on a Friday night. They were poised to throw them at unsuspecting crowd at the very moment the congregation all turned to the back door to 'welcome the Sabbath bride.'

The congregants had time to throw back grenades and take cover.
A Sabbath miracle! No one died that night,
But her parents were arrested a few months later, and brought to the Drancy camp outside of Paris.

My grandmother never told me about coming home to find the door locked and her parents gone-
Never told me that they theirs was the last major prisoner convoy from Drancy to Auschwitz, only 17 days before Drancy was liberated-
Never told me that she almost wasn’t an orphan.

1,310 prisoners on #convoi77
Some people died on the way-
836 were sent to the gas chambers upon arrival-
By the end of the war only 250 had survived.
Ne les oublions jamais.

My grandmother never told me about the months she spent struggling to hide and eat as war ended-
What it was like when her little brother was sent to Australia to be adopted by strangers.
What it was to have an arranged marriage at 16-

She and her 2 siblings survived the Holocaust only to end up on different continents for the rest of their lives.

My grandmother didn’t talk about these things to me. We lived on different continents, we didn’t know each other well-
And it was too painful for her.

Several years ago my grandmother developed dementia and my mother brought her to the US to care for her.
When delirious, she would sometimes cry for her mother, or fret about the Nazis outside the door.

We would to reassure her. ‘The door is very strong, we have locked it!’ ‘Your mother is at the store, she will come back soon!’
"Tout va bien!"
Sometimes her relief would be painfully short-lived.

It is a blessing that for the past few years she seems to have reverted to an earlier time in her life -
A time before the Nazis.
She enjoys her cafe au lait in the mornings, and cuddles her stuffed animal.

Despite extraordinary efforts (she is triple vaxxed, my hospitalist mom wore a mask at home for more than a year), my grandmother has COVID, and she is not doing well. My biggest concern is that I don't want her to die fearful and remembering her trauma.

At the end of the first wave I was on night float as the COVID ward was emptying. Most of the remaining patients were from nursing homes & were so confused and scared because the COVID delirium, loud fans, identical health care workers in full PPE--- my heart broke.

I'm so grateful that if my grandmother dies from (?with?) COVID, she can be at home, and we can hold her hand, and if the Nazis come back in her mind we can tell her over and over again that our doors and locks are very strong and they can't possibly come in.

77 years ago today Auschwitz was liberated.
More than 1 million people had been murdered there, including my great-grandparents.

Thinking of my grandmother & the millions of people who suffered trauma & loss & praying for peace for the few survivors left-
/Fin