by request: a long list of tell-tale symptoms and questions to help you sort out the companies who are earnestly trying (but imperfect) from the ones that are shiny on the outside, shitholes on the inside.
most importantly, remember no sorting system is perfect, and you're going to take a bad swing or two at some point.
you'll know when you're a week or two in and it just doesn't feel right. trust your gut. leave the job, take another swing. you don't owe them a year of your life.
also, it doesn't have to mean the company itself is toxic or terrible or unredeemable. it might just not be a great fit for you.
it's like any other relationship. you need compatibility to be happy, but that's a deeply personal thing. what works for others may not work for you.
there are two companies where i stayed for basically a year and a day, because i felt obligated.
that was silly. both times i knew within days after starting that i would never love the job or fit in there. so i will never do that again.
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i completely agree. the more a company tends to talk about their diversity, transparency, etc, the more suspicious i get about how much they doth protest.
especially when they start conducting marketing campaigns around pay-to-play lists for "best employer" awards. 🙄
the best thing about real diversity (and real transparency) is that you don't have to THINK about it all the fucking time. it's not ✨broken✨ and in your face infuriating you with its brokenness all the time.
the most insidious thing about teams that aren't diverse is the constant cognitive and emotional load borne by those who happen to be different.
on a diverse team, people are relieved of most of that tax, and can just focus on being who they are doing what they do.
First: if it's sapping your essence over an extended period of time, just leave. You're no good to us dead.
It's worth persevering through some difficult times when you:
* believe in the mission, that the world is a better place if it succeeds
* have real power to effect change, formally or informally
* can see green shoots, or the wheels beginning to turn, however slowly
and part of that means consistently giving them feedback, constructive as well as praise.
*ask* how they prefer to receive feedback. give it gently, give it timely, give with a true spirit of "trying to help each other become better". don't let things snowball into badness...
and *solicit* their feedback for you with equal vigor. solicit often, receive it gracefully, show that you heard it and are making changes.
trust is built in part by being willing to say awkward things, by showing up to discuss the hard things with care and sensitivity.
if you are working at a place where you are being actively mistreated, i actually think you have a moral responsibility to leave (if you can do so).
caveats abound, of course.. it is not YOUR job to fix shitty companies, many are not fortunate enough for this to be an option, &c
but companies are out there feeling complacent about their employees and blind to their pain. i guarantee you nearly every leadership team is like "this is a great place to work" *pats self on back*
by staying, you vote with your feet and your labor for shitty companies to win.
when people start leaving and being straight up with their leadership teams about why they're leaving, it's one of the only things that can shock a company into changing course or trying to do better.
when someone turns in their notice, you should not respond with:
🍄 silence
🍄 stony stares
🍄 retaliation
🍄 pressure
🍄 guilt tripping
🍄 ignoring them
🍄 failing to meet their eyes
🍄 saying "we're better off without them anyway" TO ANYONE
-- my subtweet of the day
if you really are better off without them, that's a problem with *your* managers, not their fault. saying so is sour grapes, and making it about them inappropriately.
if you loved working with them, by all means tell them how much you will miss them, and you hope to work with them again someday! this is a small industry, and you very likely will.
don't leave them with a lingering sour taste about you.
Once someone has experienced how much easier it is writing code with real observability, you cannot pull it out of their cold dead hands. It's like getting glasses for the first time, and realizing you could barely see the world around you.
This is partly a generational thing. Those of us who grew up writing software with metrics and logs have a lot of unlearning to do, a lot of trauma and frustration to unwind.
Engineers who never learned to navigate monitoring tools actually have it much easier picking up o11y.