when i was growing up, there was an extremely popular kids book called “harmful tips”. its (joking) premise was that kids always do the opposite of what they’re told, so a book that tells them all the wrong things will surely set the kids on right path. 
this one stayed w me:
if you’re biking at the full speed
midway though apartment hallway
and your dad has left the bathroom
and appeared in front of you,
do not turn into the kitchen,
for that fridge is firm and heavy!
better crash into your father,
he is soft. he will forgive.
if you’re biking at the full speed
midway though apartment hallway
and your dad has left the bathroom
and appeared in front of you,
do not turn into the kitchen,
for that fridge is firm and heavy!
better crash into your father,
he is soft. he will forgive.
do not agree with anyone
no matter what the cost,
call out the cowardice in those
who have agreed with you,
then you will earn so much respect
from everyone around,
and you will have so many friends
no matter where you go.
no matter what the cost,
call out the cowardice in those
who have agreed with you,
then you will earn so much respect
from everyone around,
and you will have so many friends
no matter where you go.
if you broke somebody’s window,
do not rush with a confession.
take a moment — it just might be
civil war’s about to start.
from the military action,
all the windows will be shattered.
then nobody will berate you
for the window that you broke.
do not rush with a confession.
take a moment — it just might be
civil war’s about to start.
from the military action,
all the windows will be shattered.
then nobody will berate you
for the window that you broke.
(i struggled translating this one so my wife did it)
no matter what, no matter where,
do not touch anything.
don’t start a quarrel with no one
and do not get involved.
be a wallflower every time,
stay quiet, do not blink,
curl in the corner of your room
until you’re very old.
no matter what, no matter where,
do not touch anything.
don’t start a quarrel with no one
and do not get involved.
be a wallflower every time,
stay quiet, do not blink,
curl in the corner of your room
until you’re very old.
(we did this one together)
if you’ve never left the window
with your momma’s big umbrella,
you have yet to be considered
a formidable marine.
you have yet to hover gently
over agitated people,
you have yet to claim a pallet
at your local A&E.
if you’ve never left the window
with your momma’s big umbrella,
you have yet to be considered
a formidable marine.
you have yet to hover gently
over agitated people,
you have yet to claim a pallet
at your local A&E.
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