The Hoarse Whisperer Profile picture
Feb 2, 2022 17 tweets 5 min read Read on X
Look at my beautiful dog enjoying a ride in the country.

There’s only one small problem…
That isn’t my dog.

Out in the middle of a preserve. See this sweet pup walking alone through the snow. No one around.

So, I pull over to check for a collar. Sweet pup sidles over for a scratch. Image
So, I’m like “Let me look for something I can use as a leash.”

Open the car door, pup jumps right in and lays down.

Okay, that works too, I guess.

Now I need to find the owners.
This dog is the sweetest dog ever.

A bit unhurried though. Not in a particular rush to get home.

I’m driving up and down the road in this preserve thinking maybe her owner is around. Meanwhile, my hitchhiker is just having the timeof her life.

I’m going to call her Hitch. Image
I’m thinking Hitch could maybe help a little with this endeavor.

She’s not interested. Image
She’s just lounging like this is a cruise.

So I’m like, I better ask the few people I pass if this is their dog.

See someone, pull up, roll down window, “excuse me. Are you looking for a dog?”

Person jumps, startled, and looks at me like I’m trying fence a stolen dog.
And Hitch, naturally, is like “I’m just gonna choose this moment to scooch all low so she can’t even see that there even is a dog in this car. LOL.”

Adorable. Sweet. Loving dog.

Not excellent at search and rescue work. Image
This isn’t working. The driving around thing.

There is no one around.

Plus, even if someone passes me, I have no idea if they’re looking for this dog and they have no idea I have this dog.

So, now, I’m thinking I gotta continue this mission on foot. Image
I don’t have a leash though. I’ll have to improvise.

Maybe someone will drive by looking for this dog. There’s a visitor center, I’ll try there.

Don’t mind me. I’m just a man walking not-his-dog on a golf bag strap. Image
The Visitor Center is closed. Naturally.

I’m down to few options other than call the police and turn Hitch in which I really don’t want to do.

Things can go wrong that way. Owners search all over. Dog ends up in a shelter while the owners grow more worried. That’s bad for all.
And now I figure Hitch must be a local. Got loose from some house within a mile of where I found her.

And I’m down to bargaining now. Full-on talking to Hitch as if the issue here is a failure to agree on the plan.

“Okay, I’m going to drive down the nearest roads once…”
“…and you’re going to pay attention and give me a bark if you see your house, okay?”

Hitch: 👀

And off we go.

“Anything look familiar?”

Hitch: 👀

“You aren’t even trying.”

Hitch: 👀
So, I call the police department on the tag and get transferred around a bit.

Explain I have the most adorable dog and want to get it home. Give them the numbers on the tag.

They can tell me to bring it to them while they try to call the owner.

Sigh. Okay. I guess.
Pull up to the back of the station, put Hitch on her golf-bag-strap leash, take one last picture, and give her a pep talk.

“They’re gonna get you home, okay. Don’t you worry.”

Hitch is like “Have I seemed worried to you?”

That is a very good dog. A most excellent dog. Image
Walk up to the back entrance. Person I talked to on the phone waves me in, looks at my Calloway golf bag strap leash, laughs, and unhooks Hitch who then goes running in like she knows the place.

Person: “That’s Bridget.”

Me: 😲… 😃…Found her owners?!”

“We know them.”
As it turns out, both of Bridget’s parents work for the Rescue Squad and are at work.

Bridget’s home is maybe a mile from where I found her. Must have gotten out somehow.

She’s headed home when her parents get off work.

Hurray!
Love that dog.

Left my number in case they ever need a dog sitter. 😊

Bridget is one good pup. Image

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More from @TheRealHoarse

Dec 25, 2023
Florida State is in the midst of an epic FAFO.

After beating a total of 5 teams that finished above .500 this year, they…

convinced themselves they were national champions victimized by a rigged system…

which made some players think they might be better off elsewhere

1/
…which contributed to 20 players bolting for other teams or the NFL

And then, having shot itself in only one foot, FSU picked an expensive, losing legal battle with its own league… while alienating their best remaining quarterback - which made him decide he’s done there.

2/
Now, FSU has managed to put itself in a position where, after making a national spectacle of itself, it has to go up against an actual powerhouse Georgia team with what’s left of its own disintegrating team.

FSU threw such an epic tantrum, it ensured high ratings…

3/
Read 6 tweets
Sep 11, 2023
On the morning of 9/11, a casual friend of mine was on a high floor of the World Trade Center above where the first plane struck. He called another friend of ours to tell him he was trapped and it didn’t look good. He didn’t make it out.

There is a 9/11 memorial near me…

1/
It has the names of everyone who perished on 9/11 etched in marble.

The memorials sits high on a ridge with sweeping views toward New York City twelve miles east.

It’s a beautiful spot. I used to park there at sunrise with my son when he was a baby.

2/
Every time I visit the place, I walk the wall and find Tommy’s name.

We were only lightly acquainted. Our circles overlapped but our worlds only overlapped one weekend a year up in Saratoga.

Still, I look for his name as a duty of remembrance.

3/
Read 10 tweets
Jul 8, 2023
Y’all… I just went down the rabbitiest of rabbit holes into:

1) how the technological brain of Twitter worked pre the new guy

2) what changes were made by he and his acolytes

The punchline: I now understand how he broke the engine. And he assuredly does not know.

And…

1/
…he didn’t just break it; he did so irrevocably.

He bought a social network and then effectively… erased it.

He thought the original architects and on-staff engineers were just lowly mechanics.

2/
And he thought he could out-genius them on one component under the hood which would then supercharge the car.

Without knowing it, when he tampered with that piece, he tripped a self-destruct button and started a countdown clock.

3/
Read 4 tweets
Jun 20, 2023
So, I’m in a notorious mob hangout today. An Italian-sounding place. Panera. And there are two older guys about 5 feet away. Straight in front of me.

It isn’t entirely unheard of in my area to cross paths with some goodfellas. I live in Sopranos Country. It ain’t fiction.

1/
So, I’m trying to write but my table is facing theirs and I can’t help but overhear (mostly because I was eavesdropping, but still) and these two guys are talking about “The Chin” which I cleverly deduced was Vinnie “The Chin” Gigante from having watched quite a bit of cable.

2/
And then they roll on to talking about somebody who was low-level loansharking and another guy who something something I don’t know.

And then the one guy says “That’s all Gambino now…”

And I’m pretty much feeling like I’m wearing a wire at this point.

3/
Read 11 tweets
Jun 19, 2023
If I had a nickel for every person who angrily flamed me throughout 2021 for saying this, I’d have enough money to buy Jupiter.
I entirely understand people’s beef with “Do Something” Twitter.

However, there is a difference between screaming “DO SOMETHING” and agitating for our federal government to do *some specific thing*.
When we need something specific to be done and it isn’t being done, telling the people pushing for it to shut up isn’t being anti-‘Do Something Twitter’.

It’s being pro Do Nothing Government. It is literally working against our own interests.
Read 8 tweets
May 9, 2023
The last line of this is the one I’ve been thinking about.

The encounter left a couple marks. They didn’t register as anything other than an unintended effect of someone’s personal crisis.

The worst parts of this country seem to have lost all empathy…

1)
Large portions of the population have entirely lost even basic humanity.

They don’t see other people as people first. They see strangers as threats; and see any even perceived trespass as a crime committed against them.

2/
It’s like “Stand Your Ground” run amok.

It’s as if people have been cultured to think they are entitled to live free of any other humans upsetting them in any way.

It’s hyper-narcissistic. And hyper-narcissism is borderline sociopathic.

3/
Read 15 tweets

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